newly wed and scared

[sideways123]

Hello, I have been married just over a year. I'm 32 years old an I married a 33 year old man. We have always been good friends. Our relationship was tough. At the beginning his mother was sick and we helped her pass together. Before she was even sick we had quite a few fights about another woman that was a close friend of his. She was very rude to me and possive of him,.. it took awhile,.. but I accepted her and we see her out and they stilll talk. With all that was going on,.. him in school,.. building a house his mother being sick,.. I think I made every excuse as to why he did'nt want to make love to me... I would advance and he would turn over. If I got upset,.. he would go to sleep. This upset me. It pretty much describes our honeymoon. I tried,..changing in front of him,.. not changing... looking sexy,..I started to hide my body,... thinking maby he would notice if he did'nt see it for awhile.. Then I became unsettled even wearing a swimsuit.. After about 7 months I started to notice other men,.. Just enjoyed them flirting with me,.. ect,.. Then I met one I liked,.. we became close on line and see eachother on business trips,... i feel a connection with him and I feel VERY guilty about it. I am a married woman,.. When this happened I became aware that I was no longer attracted to my husband,.. I asked him to go with me to counsiling. He said no,.. I asked hime to leave,.. he then said yes,... I told him that I don't understand why we are only close when he want's to... so far 5 times in over a year... He said it was because of the fights we had 3 years ago over that other woman. Things have been ok,... with her for some time. He said that if I ever get angry at him that he fears it will turn out like it did so long ago... I know that having a friendship with another man is wrong,.. and I have distanced myself,.. but I have this feeling that my husband does'nt love me that way a "man loves a woman" I am supporting him,.. and I feel that I've done a lot more good than bad,.. Rejecting me on our honeymoon was awful and ever since then I wonder,.. is this that man I want to spend the rest of my life with?

[temperamental_taurus]

*hugs* I know what it feels like to not be receiving affection from your partner, but I'd like to remind you of one thing. You are married. IF you are unhappy and have made a valient effort to change things in your relationship, then leave and get a divorce. But if you choose to stay, you can not be having an affair, emotional or otherwise, with someone who is NOT your husband. Do I think you are being treated right, no. Do I think that is an excuse for infidelity, no. I would evaluate your marriage. Obviously he holds resentment about things from the past. Is this how you want to live your life? I know what MY answer would be, as I'm living it right now. Above all you need to be true to yourself, you made a commitment, a promise to another when you said your marriage vows. Uphold that promise until your divorce is final and then pursue someone that gives you what you need out of a relationship.

[chai714]

IF you are unhappy and have made a valient effort to change things in your relationship, then leave and get a divorce. But if you choose to stay, you can not be having an affair, emotional or otherwise, with someone who is NOT your husband. Do I think you are being treated right, no. Do I think that is an excuse for infidelity, no. I would evaluate your marriage.

 

I agree with what taurus had to say. Cheating can never be justified, but leaving can be. In your case, it seems to be extreme since you got turned down on your honeymoon. This is not normal, nor acceptable on any level. Once you exhaust your options for improving your marriage (counseling, which you've tried...you've tried creating desire...) then it's time to file. Divorce should be a very last resort, but you've put in a lot of effort from what I can see. At this point, don't get pregnant . . .this is important, because unless you really want to deal with him for the rest of your life, don't have his children.