masturbation- my problem or his?

[KissMeCrissie]

First i'll give you a bit of backround info. My boyfriend and I have been happily in love about a year now. We have a pretty good sex life, i think, although lately i am not so sure. We have sex at least once on MOST days sometimes two or three times a day. It used to come much more naturally but lately i feel like i need to practically beg for it, and we only have sex if i initiate it myself, its next to never the other way around. We are very open with each other on most sexually related topics, and have tried alot of different things. The problem that i am having lately is that even though we have daily sex, i think he still masturbates at least a couple of times a week. Sometimes over porn (which i HATE) sometimes not. He'll lie about it too, deny it, but sometimes i will catch him red handed, and sometimes he'll admit it. It makes me feel like i can't satisfy him, or that our sex life is not good enough for him. I just can't get my head around why he needs to do it, when i know i certainly don't. We often use masturbation as part of foreplay, so its not like he doesn't get to touch himself. I'd understand if we weren't having so much sex, but as it stands now, surely its not normal to wank that much? The worst part is, that although we can talk about most things, he gets angry at me whenever i bring up the topic of masturbation. It's not really open for discussing with him most days, he'll just roll his eyes and walk away. A few months back, i even caught him masturbating at night, in bed with me, whilst i was sleeping. I didn't come right out and say i'd caught him in a nasty way, i kind of made a joke of it instead, and i haven't caught him since. But i also haven't been waking up at night as much lately so who really knows. I just hate the way it makes me feel to know that no matter how hard i try to please him sexually, he still finds he needs to please himself too. In recent attempts at discussing the issue, he says he does it most often after we have sex, because he's thinking about it as opposed to doing it if we had not had sex. That actually made me feel far worse, because surely the sex must be bad if he has to do his own thing afterwards. He says he's happy with our sex life, but is he lying and this is his way of getting the satisfaction i can't offer him? Is this a problem or some kind of addiction he has? Or am i just over reacting and beating myself up over something i shouldn't? Should i get help or should he?

 

Confused!!

[melrich]

If you are still having sex pretty regularly I don't know if it is really much to worry about. Although if you are the only one initiating then maybe it could develop into a problem.

 

Maybe he has fantasies that you are not able to fufil. You say you have talked to him but maybe you need to approach from a different angle. Ask him if there are things you haven't tried that he would like to try?

[shazza]

NO WAY!

 

I think you've got it all wrong. It's when we're having sex, we want sex more...we think about it more, the hormones are racing, it's easier to get urself off.

 

When you aren't getting any (for ages) that's when you tend to forget about it and so don't masturbate as much. Well, thats how it is with most ppl I know anyway

 

But in saying that, boys are boys...masturbation for them is a bit different. Sometimes that thing has a mind of its own

 

It sounds like your BF can sense you don't approve of it, so he's ashamed...not a good thing when you're in a sexual relationship with someone. Why don't you try thinking about it this way - if you guys are still having lots of sex, he's probably thinking about that a lot when he's masturbating, and so just put it down to him havin a high sex drive??

 

If you still feel unsure, tell him the only reason it bothers you is because you want to be sure he's enjoying sex with you too...not just with himself! But assure him 1st that if he's not, you're not going to take it personally...instead you would like to try new ways of making sex GREAT for BOTH of you.

 

It's when he doesn't want ANY, he'd rather watch TV, or he's telling you he's tired, etc and YOU'RE the one having to masturbate to get urself off that you have a problem...trust me!

[fallslikerain]

Its quite possible he's worn out from having sex 3 times a day. The majority of guys aren't going to be able to produce enough testoterone, or the chemical that triggers orgasm to maintain that lifestyle. As far as his masterbating; one of my fantasys is that i'll be masterbating at my desk and a girl will come interrupt me, and instead of telling me to stop, she lifts her skirt a little and starts riding me. Just an idea