Help...

[PleasehelpmeIneedit]

Hi everyone. I joined this forum because you all seem able to bring good advice to the table. Right now in my life I feel stranded. I only have 2 or 3 friends. None of which are girls. I want to participate in regular conversations like normal people and I want to talk to girls, but a mental blockade deep inside me holds me back. I can't break through it. Every night I lay in bed and try to solve the problem. I struggle with it until I fall asleep or until I become so restless that I lie there feeling nothing. I know it seems like I'm making a big deal out of something so insignificant as talking to a girl, but thats how it is for me. I wake up every day dreading school and life in general basically. It feels like a never ending, repeating movie. And I'm the one that loses. I want to expierence conversations in those groups of people that I see at school. As you can probably guess I am a loner and a nerd basically. I have great grades and plans for a successful future. Yet I'm stuck in a pothole in my social life. It feels like no one out there, whos a girl, even cares. Don't get me wrong I have a great family and family life, its just my social one with girls.

 

I'm already guessing what some of you are going to say to me.

 

'If you wanna talk to someone just go up to them and be yourself'

That block is holding me back. I need to bypass it first.

 

In response to that you might say:

 

'Well all you have to do is do it and go for it and don't think about it'

That doesn't help me in one bit.

 

So please don't give those things as answers as I'm already aware of them. Thanks in advance for your help in my trying time.

[QTpie87]

I'm a girl, You can talk to me anytime. Pm me and i'll give you my e-mail.

love Qtpie87

[PleasehelpmeIneedit]

Thank you very much for your kind post QTpie. All I want to say though, not trying to sound offensive or anything to you, but I know perfectly well that if you were a girl at my school, and you saw me, you wouldn't probably care. But thats just from my personal expierence. But on the other hand you might be the most wonderful person in the world. Thank you again.

[QTpie87]

I think that if you put yourself out there and really let people see everythig about yourself (that you like about yourself ) then you wouldn't have any problem at all getting someone to be friends with. really! I used to be all shy and never tried to get friends and My freshman year in highschool i desided that it wasn't worth it, I was already miserible with no friends so what did i have to lose (nothing!) SO i went out there and guess what, I got a big group of really nice people to hang out with and snagged myself a bf. go for it!

love Qtpie87

[PleasehelpmeIneedit]

*quote* i desided that it wasn't worth it, I was already miserible with no friends so what did i have to lose (nothing!)

 

I'm waiting for that mindset to kick in. I know, or at least hope it does soon because I'm a Junior in High School and if it doesn't happen fast, then I'm gonna graduate before I know it and will never expierence it at all. Thank you QTpie.

[shazza]

Hey there

 

Well for starters I know this is going to sound unbelievable but EVERYONE feels that way at some stage when they are at school, I promise you!

 

You see, the problem with school is its very hard to find out who you are because you only have a few people to compare yourself with, and interact with. Once you leave school, it is a different world. No-one has any idea who you were at school, what you were like, and so they can't stereotype you. Not to mention there are so many different types of people out there!

 

But I know that doesn't help you much now. What you need to do now is try and not compare yourself to others by remembering what I said above. Also, when you're at school you're learning who you really are, so find a hobby or a way you can express yourself emotionally...its a good way of seeing how much you've grown over the years and can be a great way to let your feelings out, so you don't lie awake at night stressing (I used to draw & write...It helped me alot, and I still have all that stuff to look back on & laugh!). Doing things like this will help you get a better sense of who you are, and that will help you talk to BOTH boys and girls and find common interests.

 

It doesn't have to be something artistic, it can be anything your passionate about that you enjoy and that relieves some of the stress. It will build your confidence, because although you said you get good grades it's important to have things in life we do simply for FUN too!

 

When we're having fun its easier to be accepting of who we are. And the best part? Other people RESPECT and ADMIRE those who have interests and passions and do things that they enjoy, because it shows they follow their own rules and no-one elses. And you'll probably find you'll meet people with the same interests, and so it will be easier to talk to them, and as your confidence grows it will get easier to talk to ALL kinds of people - boys and girls

 

Just remember...it is a life long process, we never stop learning and challenging ourselves. If you can embrace it and remember that you CAN change, you won't feel so trapped. And although its hard not to do, don't compare yourself to others - you have gifts and talents and are loved by others too!

 

Besides, you never know what is going through someone elses head

 

(P.S. Girls really aren't that scary, we're actually quite scared ourselves when we're young. That's why sometimes the more confident guys seem to attract heaps of girls. But as we get older, sometimes the quiet but friendly guys are more appealing - trust me!)

 

Hope it helps

[PleasehelpmeIneedit]

I forgot to add that in my original post. I have no self-confidence and no self-esteem. In fact I don't think I have anything for that matter. My only hobbies are computers and a little ice hockey. All I do everyday is go to school, come home and get on the computer and browse forums and message boards looking for answers. Or I come home from school and get ready for work and go to work. Thats It . Thank you for your time and I hope I don't sound like a completely lost cause to you guys (well girls I mean). As much as it sounds like I'm being negative, you guys are helping a bit. But I got a lot more work. Thanks.

[QTpie87]

WAIT.... your profile says you are 16, you are already a jr in highschool. wow, see look thats great!!! and about the ice hocky, find some others who are also into it. easy way to make friends.

[PleasehelpmeIneedit]

Thats who my 2 or 3 friends are. They introduced me into ice hockey. I got a job so I could start playing. But it costs like $600 dollars for one season. No joke. And yeah Ill be 17 April 25th.

[apollocreed71]

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