Overreacting?...

[hopeful13]

Let me begin by saying I will try to make this post as short as possible, I'm new here so forgive me if I don't use certain abbreviations! I'm here to get advice on a situation I'm unsure of and feel an outsiders perspective might be the best answer. I started dating my BF last April, and it started off amazing. There were no games, I never questioned his feelings like in previous relationships, and he never gave me reason to doubt him. Months later I found out he still talked to his ex. Not just any ex, but someone he was with for 5 years and engaged to. It bothered me, but he assured me that it was nothing and I knew he spoke to a couple other ex's but I had no issue with them bc they weren't serious or had dated so long ago. I tried to let it go, but it drove me crazy. I personally believe you shouldn't speak to an ex for numerous reasons. Before long I found text between them that was extremely inappropriate, it was all said in a joking manner, but regardless it shouldn't have been said. At this point I asked him to quit speaking to her, which honestly I would have wanted regardless. Bc of this we started arguing. Constantly. I never felt that he'd really quit talking to her. And he was furious I didn't believe him. He would even throw in my face how he'd given up speaking to a 'friend' for me. Months down the road (early January) I found out they'd been texting the whole time. So, I left him. Not just bc he was talking to her but bc he'd lied. Not long after he decided he wanted to make things work and even told the ex they couldn't speak (he showed me the text). We've talked about it and he says he lied to keep me from arguing and getting angry. Which is understandable but still doesn't make it ok. He still sees no problem with them speaking. And thinks I should have just been ok with it. Am I wrong? Was this ok? Is it possible he could still care for her? I mean he risked losing me and went through an awful lot to continue texting her. I have so many questions, and ANY input or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance...

[jujusamples]

You are acting very insecure and controlling. I would need more details;

 

How long has your bf and the ex broke up? My advice will be based on the time frame. If they just broke up a few months before you started dating him, then yes, it's a red flag. If they broke up years before you started dating him then you are over reacting.

 

There will be things in a relationship that you don't like. If this is a deal breaker for you, I'd suggest you break up with him and move on to someone whom doesn't keep in touch with their ex's.

 

You are NOT wrong for not liking it, you are entitled to your own opinion. However, you are wrong for telling him whom he can and can not talk to. You can not control what he does. You can only control what you do.

 

I know someone whom became best friends with an ex he dated for a long time when they are younger. They hang out all the time and they are simply just better off as friends. Both their significant others know about and they are cool with it. The reason, they TRUST their partner. A relationship will be doomed if you don't trust your partner. Based on your post, you don't trust him.

[hopeful13]

I did trust him until I found out about the inappropriate text. And that's when I asked him to quit speaking to her. He could have said no, he could have talked to me about it. They'd been broken up almost a year. But for that year it was back and forth. Are you saying I should be ok with my boyfriend and his ex fiancé sending sexual text to one another?..

[jujusamples]

I did trust him until I found out about the inappropriate text. And that's when I asked him to quit speaking to her. He could have said no, he could have talked to me about it. They'd been broken up almost a year. But for that year it was back and forth. Are you saying I should be ok with my boyfriend and his ex fiancé sending sexual text to one another?..

 

I just read inappropriate texts, didn't know it was sexual text. Then that changes my opinion. Plus they only broke up a year and was back and forth so he might not be completely over her. You need more information on your posts.

 

If it is sexual texts, than you are not over reacting. No, you should not be okay with it. At the same time, it's out of your control what he does. He's just going to keep doing it behind your back. That just proves that he doesn't value your relationship. At the same time, you are going to have a hard time trusting him, so your relationship will go in a downward spiral. Do you think he's worth it for you to continue the relationship? You will end up more frustrated and hurt.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. An ex in the picture constantly is a red flag. Combine that with their on/off history and recent sexting and it means you should seriously consider cutting your losses.

 

He's not ready to date, be exclusive no less be in a relationship. Don't be a backup plan while they sext and negotiate getting back together.

They'd been broken up almost a year. But for that year it was back and forth. Are you saying I should be ok with my boyfriend and his ex fiancé sending sexual text to one another?..