Mixed Signals!!??!! Would You Help Me Please???

[lilgeorgy]

It's been 3 weeks now since my boyfriend broke up with me saying he needed a break. I really feel like he was giving me mixed signals. He said things weren't working out and I agreed so I started to pack my things. A little while later I went to him asked if we could give it one more chance at which time he said he needed a break and he has alot going on in his life right now (which he does) and he needs to sort them out. He said for me to just take what I would need for the next month or 2 at which time hopefuly we can get back together. He said that is what he wanted and if things work out then I could give up my apartment and move in 100%. He said he wanted me to keep my apartment because he just wasn't sure but if we get back together it will be all or nothing. After everything I said he kept saying you are making it sound like we are never going to get back together and I'm never going to see you again (he said that several times). Of course at that point I felt perhaps he was just being a coward and just saying that but he did keep saying he hopes we get back together after some time apart. Usually when he has broken up with someone he says I think we should just be friends, he did not say that to me. I even thought when he went away on a business trip last week he would have sent an email to tell me to clear the rest of my things out of the house so he wouldn't have to face me and leave the keys (which I still have) but he did not. He even told my best friend that he hopes that some time apart will either bring us closer together or further apart and that he still loves me. When I left for the last time he said to me when will I hear from you (which I thought was odd because he was the one who wanted this break) and I didn't want to seem desperate so I said I guess when you come back from your trip we'll talk then and again he said I'm hoping we work this out. I suppose I thought I would've heard from him by now and although I sent him an Easter card where I told him I miss him and love him (no response from him), I have not called or emailed. We were together for 2 years and lived together for almost all that time. He also kept saying to me and he told my friend that he didn't think I have the same feelings for him that he has for me, which is not true!!! But I thought the longer I kept from calling him the more he would come to miss me. I felt that he wanted this break so thereforeeee he should make the first move but wouldn't he have made it by now? I feel like he has forgotten all about me and is happier now that I am gone. I'm so afraid he has found someone else already and he doesn't care about me anymore. What should I do? Is there any hope here? Was he giving me mixed messages? Any advice would be appreciated.

[chai714]

The safest thing for you to do is declare it to be over permanently. This is psychologically healthier because it kills all hope of him coming back. I think this guy is taking the cowardly way out. I also think he lied to your best friend. We tend to keep those we love, and kick to the curb (or in your case, out of the house) those we don't love. Do not be confused by his words - he's asking you to leave, but does not have the ba11s to tell you that it's over for good. Is he being fair to you by keeping you guessing his next move? No. Do you deserve better than that? You should think so. How does that make you feel, not knowing his next move and him telling you he loves you. Fearful and confused.

 

Look at his actions though. Those are not confusing. Chalk this guy up to the past. It's safer for you to move forward as if he's never coming back into your life, because that's a possibility that you have to consider at this point. Sorry this happened to you. Surround yourself with friends and family and implement NC if you can.

[Tryingtobestrong]

My situation is very similar to yours, only I am 6 months ahead.

 

2 weeks ago I finally decided to let it go and move on with my life without him. He would still like to be in contact with me and give me mixed signals, but I decided to ignore that. Read my thread if you want more details.

 

My advice for you would be to tell him clearly that you are not interested in being friends with him and if this is over he should let you go. If one day he changes his mind he can contact you and you will tell him if you are still interested. And then go NC and totally ignore any contact attempts from him. They are only attempts to string you along and make him feel secure of your love.

 

Dont put yourself through the emotional turmoil of false hope. If he feels that you are serious with moving on without him, and he loves you, he will chase you. If he does not then it is better for you if it is over for good now.

 

This road will be rocky, but you will get through it, I am sure.

 

Best of luck!!