Out of character behavior

[Jetta]

Lately I have really been doing things that I normally don't do and honestly I'm starting to scare myself. It started out by going to karaoke nights. I figured I enjoy singing and well that would add some fun to my high stress life. I now go regularly and am often drinking. I have tried smoking a few times, and more. I'm starting to wonder if I'm losing my mind. All I know is I've maxed out on my ability to cope, and even the therapist doesn't know what to say to me.

 

All I want to do is run away yet there is no where to go.

[kskm]

Well there is good news and bad news. First off the good news is that you are seeking professional help- I personally think that everyone on this earth should see a therapist regularly. Now for the bad news your therapist shouold ALWAYS know what to say to you. I mean, you could call your mother and have then say nothing to you for free right? Switch therapists, and you need to do some deep thinking as to what you need to do to start coping with your stress. Maybe it's time for a new job? Alchol is not the answer, it is ok to go out and have fun, but don't make it a habit to drink or smoke.

[Jetta]

The biggest stressor is my son who has behavior problems. The therapist has said based on his diagnosis it will get worse. I can't deal with him now, the thought of worse horrifies me. He's currently in foster care. I placed him voluntarily because after hearing that he'd be worse I wanted to either kill myself or him so I prayed and prayed for another solution. It's scary and he's 9. I now have a peaceful home and the thought of his commotion and anger returning is really putting me over the edge. I just really want out of this whole mess.

[kskm]

Well first off I am your age and can relate to you that way. I don't know what I would do if I were a single parent with a child that had an serious problem. Some people (thank god for them) are strong enough to work through those problems, and some of us are not. If you could not handle that then I applaud you for getting your child someone that can. If you can not handle him returning then dont have him return. I know that must be hard on a mother. You will feel guilt, and people will be angry with you for doing what you feel is best. But you know what it is your life and you have to be ok with yourself. Getting your son better help than you can give is better than neglect... or killing yourself.

[MetallicAguy]

Oh, everyone has behavior problems at age 9. They just need some discipline.

[Jetta]

Yeah I wish it were that easy Metallic. How many 9 year olds do you know that have destroyed their entire bedroom set with their bare hands? He's also put numerous holes in the walls, busted through his door nad ripped it off their frame, skip school, etc... It's very draining emotionally and financially. Sure some of his behaviors are normal for a 9 year old like saying his homework is done when it's not, or saying he doesn't have any homework. But the destruction and angry outbursts aren't normal and the fact he has no friends isn't normal.

[ArcadianX]

Oh, everyone has behavior problems at age 9. They just need some discipline.

Maybe you should consider getting some information first instead of trivializing her problem out of existence.

 

The therapist has said based on his diagnosis it will get worse.

If it isn't too personal, what's the diagnosis? I honestly have trouble imagining a behavioral problem that will get better for your son simply because he's in foster care, but then I can understand your need to have a solution to the soul-destroying stress that he is bringing into your life.

[MetallicAguy]

Maybe since he has no friends he's acting out this way for attention? Without friendship your life is miserable and you have a hopeless feeling of depression because it is one of the human drives that are very important to everyone.

[Spirits Away]

that's horrible... Did you see it coming at ages 1-8?

[ShySoul]

I'm sorry about your son, I don't really know what to do about that except to try to get him help. But I'm thinking that is the reason you are doing these other things and feeling like you are losing it yourself. You are worried about your son, rightfully so, but are internalizing it. Part of you probably blames yourself for not being able to help him or see signs of this behavior earlier. You become so overwhelmed that you act out yourself. You don't like what you do, but you don't know what else to do. That could actually make things worse for your son as well. If he sees you all stressed out, he's likely to act up just to get a reaction like you. Or he could start to feel like you don't care about him if you lose your temper and get mad at him excessively. This is a rough situation and I wish you didn't have to go through it. Have faith, things will get better.

[Jetta]

Being that my son is the oldest I thought all kids were hard until my youngest was born. She's a normal child, easy compared to him, but really normal and a lot of fun rather than work. She sleeps, he didn't, she listens (for the most part), he argues about everything. He's been hard since he was born. My mom kept telling me not all kids are like this, she doesn't know any kids that are as difficult as him and she was a foster parent.

 

The initial diagnosis was ADHD and ODD (oppositional defiant disorder). Then they said bipolar, now they're saying ADHD, ODD, Mood Disorder. The therapists are still trying to figure it out. At the foster home he's shown slight improvement the school says, and he's done pretty well with the older retired couple. Still has the same problems but not the destruction, and he's run away once. I think a lot of the improvement has to do with the foster dad. He's a stern guy, but he's a lot like my dad as far as builds things with him, gardens with him, etc. My husband doesn't do any of those things, and his bio dad is basically nonexistant (not that he's a good role model anyway).

 

So now I get to go through parenting assessments and psychological evaluations. It's basically so they can determine if I'm suitable to raise my other child. Tell me how a person can remain sane under this kind of stress? That's not even including normal life stressors.