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Friendship/crush while travelling?


Lod

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Hello group,

 

This is the first time I am posting on a board for relationship advise, so please excuse me if I perform any faux pas

 

Here is the short version of the story. I was travelling with a tour group down in South America in which I met this wonderful girl. We hung out non-stop for 10 days, several times one-on-one. We got real close and I had no real romantic feelings towards her. However, on our last night together, we had a few drinks and got into a silly argument about how we were not spending enough time with each other on the last day (I started it). Mind you, this was a drunken argument and I must admit that I was being a bit needy that evening considering we probably would not see each other again and I may have told her that she was being such a ' to me'.

 

We made our seperate way home, and me feeling bad, called her up and tried to apologize. She did not accept my apology and mentioned that she will 'keep the memory of me' but that we should not continue the friendship further when we head back home to our respective countries. I respected her opinion and told her we would chat the next morning. I sent her a few messages about how much I missed her and did not want to lose her. She never replied to those. Turns out, she blocked me from all forms of social media.

 

I really do not understand her reaction over such an argument. Normally, I would be completely fine with something like this and respect her opinions. However, I feel worse than a break up. It has been 2 weeks since I have seen or spoken to her and I am feeling so distracted and unable to concentrate on things. How can someone who was so close for 10 days part ways so easily?

 

Am I upset that I lost a friend, or did I have romatic feelings for her? This is such a confusing feeling.

 

Any help is much apreciated. Much love

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Sorry once you say this, game over 6769027] this was a drunken argument and I must admit that I was being a bit needy that evening considering we probably would not see each other again and I may have told her that she was being such a 'b.... to me'.

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Being together in a foreign land as you were creates a false sense of intimacy. As much as you feel you knew each other well, there remains much that you don't know and that is untested when one is together for so short a time.

 

You showed a bit of that with your alcohol-fueled neediness, exposed once you lost the filter you have when you are sober. She exposed herself as unwilling to deal with the drama and controlling behavior of someone in whom she had invested only 10 days, and understandably so.

 

What you lost is the ability to imagine some sort of romantic (in the literature sense, and maybe also the relationship sense) travel story and/or future. You never had her, only your ideas of her.

 

I suggest you explore your own motivations: why you became attached to her, and why you expressed that attachment as a desire to limit her behavior so that she would be available as a crutch for you.

 

That sort of attachment and emotional dependency would undermine any relationship.

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