Men & Grass is Greener Syndrome?

[dancinqueen]

Maybe some men here can help me understand....or maybe some women have had the same experience & have figured this out.

 

I have had 2 very similar situations w/2 different men who I met on a dating site & I'm completely puzzled.

 

Man #1 - We talked on the phone for about 3 weeks, before I agreed to a date. When we did meet, we had a great time. He kept telling me how attracted he was to me, how much fun I was, how cute I am, etc. He asked for a second date, for the next day - an outdoor all day date - I accepted. I - and this was clearly a mistake - invited him back to my place for coffee & he accepted. He obviously misunderstood & started slowly making his moves, trying to get me to bed, but was finewhen I said absolutely no. He eventually left, saying he'd call to firm up time for our date the next day. He did not call. Then, 6 months later he contacted me on the dating site again, apologizing, asking for another chance. When I demaned an explanation for not calling, he said he was so ashamed of himself that he was too embarrassed to call. But, he said he hadn't found anyone else so perfect for him, or so much fun. We did not discuss another date, but he called me every nite & emailed jokes,etc. a few times a week. Finally, I wrote back & said "let's get together", he responded "OK, where & when?". I wrote & said "call me". It's now a month later & I have not heard a word from him. (???)

 

Man #2 - Started out about the same, we had one date, same deal, he was "charmed" by me & he was charming & fun. He called me a few days later asking for a second date - it was late & he sounded like he'd had several drinks, so I said yes & said call me & we'll firm up time. I didn't hear from him, via email or phone, for 4 days - so wrote to him & said forget it, that he obviously wasn't that interested, etc. He wrote back, saying he was sorry, he did want to go out again. I ignored him at this point. 3 months passed & he (just like man #1) contacted me on the dating site - apologizing for being "a pain in the neck" & inviting me to write if I accepted his apology & if we had any potential. So I wrote saying it's OK, and he wrote a long, sweet email full of compliments for me, etc. We wrote for a few days & I invited him to call me. He did not, but wrote, asking for a date for few days later. I was busy, so wrote back, being very sweet, saying I was busy that weekend, but was completely free for the following weekend. Well, that was 3 days ago & haven't heard word one from him. It's almost as though he got mad when I didn't jump & accept his invitation - even though I gave him alternative dates. (????)

 

I'm thinking these guys are suffering from the Grass is Greener? syndrome, shopping, shopping, shopping the net, trying to find something better all the time & when they don't, they go back to the best of the bunch & try again. That makes some sense to me...what does not make sense, is why, when I again become open to them & forgive them, they just stop communication, abruptly.

 

Sorry this is so long, but I'm completely perplexed. Have any of you had these kinds of experiences? Can any of you men offer me some insight into the male mind? Seems like some sort of a "game". (????)

 

I have decided to completely ignore both of them, if/when I hear from them again - what to do is not an issue - just wondering if anyone understands or is familiar with the "game".

 

Thanks for taking so much time to read this - you sound like a great group!

[passions1]

From my past experience with online dating services, it can be overwhelming with the number of contacts I had received on a daily basis. It can be time consuming reading what they say & how to respond back, but having to read the profiles first/ So it can perhaps go for the men as well. If they do not respond to you right away, they could simultaneously be talking or seeing other women as well. I'm glad to hear that you are not investing too much time on these men, there are plenty of men out there. Just don't let allow yourself to be anyone's doormat. Besides, there are so many more men than women on the dating sites, so it will be to your advantage!

[Day_Walker]

I believe your problem with both of these men is that you were gauging there interest wrong in the first place. With guy #1 he wanted to jump in bed with you on the first night but yet you still gave him another chance when you already knew what he was about from his actions. With guy #2 when he didnt call to follow up on the date you knew there that he wasnt inerested. What you were dealing with were 2 men that talked a good game but the didnt have a real interest in you and they showed this by their actions. It doesnt seem like a situation where the grass is greener on the other side you were simply dealing with 2 men who wanted instant gratifcation and you werent going to supply that so you got put on the back burner. It would seem to me that I would work on improving your method to determine if a guy has more than instant gratification on their mind.

[Mun]

Hmm.. my opinion is that neither of these men were all that interested in you.. If they had been their actions would have been quite different.

 

I had a boyfriend that I met online ( in a chatroom)... he was also charmed from date one, he called on day two to ask me out again.. and we started dating. He called often, I saw him often, he treated me with respect and courtesy. There was never any doubt in my mind that he was into me--it was such a difference from other guys who had been wishy washy that I can't help to compare any new guy's interest to his. He set the standard.. so to speak. My friend calls it " raising the bar."

 

I think you are right in not putting any more effort into these guys. They may have liked you, but not enough to persue.. that happens somtimes and it's nothing you could have done wrong...just not enough sparks for them.

 

Continue dating and putting yourself out there to find the right guy, he may come along when you least expect it.

 

And just remember that if the grass is greener it's because they use manure.

[dancinqueen]

Hey, so nice of all of you to write. I've decided, "he's just not that into you". I guess I hate the dishonesty of people carrying on about how interesting, witty, pretty, etc. I am - when they obviously don't mean it. Man #2 I mentioned said, within the first hour of our date, something about me being someone he definitely wanted to see again and often. I have learned to take it all with a grain of salt...but too bad some men feel they should say those things, because it makes a gal kind of cynical & distrusting after awhile.

 

Again, I appreciate all your interest and good advice/ideas.