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Received some slightly off texts from my ex recently. We were an LDR together for just under 2 years, until she broke it off 3 months ago because she thought we would never see eachother because of my studies, not to mention we'd been apart for a few months (the tragic part being a couple weeks after the breakup and settling into the new city I'm in I realise I have bags of time and enough money to see her regularly, but oh well, too late by then). My flight was under 30 days away and watching the days tick by knowing she wasn't going to text me was crushing. As a whole our relationship was awesome and I was totally willing to move mountains for her but it's evident she doesn't feel the same way and I doubt she ever will.


The one thing I'm proud of though is not begging over skype and remaining NC (except for a week after breakup to sort out what to do with the flight tickets, where I said my final goodbye). We were both teary messes over skype but I told her I accept her decision even though it's awfully painful. She said "maybe we could be friends in the future" and I told her a firm no.


Still, 2 months after breakup (also 2 months NC) I receive a text just as I'm out having a good time with some mates, mind totally in another place.

It says: "Hey ! Just checking up on you . It's okay if you don't wanna / can't reply . Your studies going well ? Hope you are doing great !", to which 12 hours later I reply "hey there, ye I'm fine. wishing you well also", to which she finishes with "Sweet ! Good to know. Have fun"


Have fun? Not entirely sure what that's supposed to mean.


Then a day ago, a month later, after the release of a solo album I did (coincidentally based on my LDR) I receive "Saw your album. Its wonderful. The artwork is captivating. Im so happy for you and hope you are doing great. ~"


I ignored this one.

Really, what's the point? I've already stated I want a relationship and not a friendship but she persists on contacting me. Is there any particular reason for this? Boredom or loneliness perhaps?


I had another curiosity though - we know that when someone is dumped their perception of self-identity is completely shattered and they have to rebuild / rediscover themselves, this has always been the case with me.

But does this also apply to dumpers too? Usually her 'frequency' was completely different, for the 2 years I knew her she was much less chipper, much more dry in tone, a little sardonic (but in an endearing way rather than a spiteful one if that makes sense), etc. It seems like I'm talking to a different person, it's a little bizarre.


I'd appreciate your insights.

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Quite common for dumpers to get in touch 2-3 months down the line if total NC has been adhered to, especially if the relationship was generally very good and there were no big fights at the end.


My guess is the realisation is setting in that it is over, and she instinctively knows that you are on the verge of moving on. Maybe she isn't doing so great herself. And listening to your solo album may have stirred up some emotions for her.


These things are irrelevant to you though. You said you didn't want to be friends, yet she is instigating small talk in an attempt to stop you moving on, and your replies have been very brief and emotionless (good) which will make her instigate more - she can see that you are getting stronger and leaving her behind.


I think it is time to stop replying to her messages altogether from now on, if you truly don't want a friendship with her. She may send more messages in desperation that you have slipped away completely to the point where you aren't even replying, and will likely show anger in a further attempt to get you to reply, but she will get the message eventually, and you can both heal and look to the future from then on.

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