Should I keep trying?

[Imalone1607310460]

Hello guys,

 

I and my ex been together for 8 months. She had complained a few times about me not paying enough attention / commitment on her, not going out with her on special occasions, etc. Then in January she said she was leaving. I realised I made a huge mistake and wanted to get her back.

 

First I went through a 3-week NC period, then I reached out to her. We chatted on whatsapp, she replied almost every of my messages, though her responses were short and cold most of the times. We would also talk about our relationship and she would mention how hurt she was. I, of course, said I would change - the problems she said were not some fundamental problems that I can't change. I tried to be more present, more caring, more open-up about my feelings in our whatsapp conversation, to show I can indeed change. But she would keep saying it's too late and she doesn't want to go any further. I tried to date her and she declined. Once she said "it's not the time yet".

 

In the last hour we talked on whatsapp, I was talking about my parents, and then she brought up the relationship topic again and said I did not commit enough, and the whole procedure (bring up relationship issue --> she said things I done wrong ---> I said I would change ---> she said it's too late) went over again. She even said she made up her mind and we just be friends. She also said she didn't hate me.

 

Should I go to NC again and try later? OR i keep talking to her to show I have changed and hope she could change her mind?

 

Is there still hope? She still talks to me, that's why I think she hasn't entirely shut the door close yet. And she kept bringing up the issue - does that mean she still care?

 

Most importantly, she said "it's not the time yet" for meeting. Does that mean she wants to test me? or she wants to make sure I stop trying to get her back before we meet?

 

But on the other hand she seemed doesn't believe I could change and said I "no need to change". Does she mean it or she was just still being angry?

 

Please help!!! thanks!

[Wiseman2]

What type of commitment after 8 mos? Exclusive dating? living together? marriage? You have to accept that you are incompatible if she wants a lot of change that you are not ready willing or able to sustain. After 8 mos of dating the infatuation wears off and things can fizzle.

 

Was she on the rebound? Did she go back to an ex? Go not contact and stop begging pleading changing etc. She's done and friendzoned you. The more you buzz around like this the more she'll reject you.

I and my ex been together for 8 months. She had complained a few times about me not paying enough attention / commitment on her, not going out with her on special occasions, etc. Then in January she said she was leaving. she would keep saying it's too late and she doesn't want to go any further.I said I would change ---> she said it's too late went over again. She even said she made up her mind and we just be friends. she said "it's not the time yet" for meeting.

[jah123]

I think she said cleary that "it's too late".

You didn't pay attention to her and this is the result. I'm sorry but this is reality.

 

And I don't think that talking to her on whatsapp, promising to "change" can make up her mind. It won't make up her mind. You've had a lot of time to "change" but you didn't.

Just don't go any further with this, because she's cleary not interested. She's sort of keeping you on the hook by chatting with you. She's probably just insecure about her future life and doesn't want to let you go just in case her future life s*cks and she wants to reconcile.

 

Promising to change, begging, showing how emotion you are never helped anybody. All you can do(and probably should do) is to leave this alone, keep the rest of your self-respect and dignity, spend some time alone, work on your self, on your issues and then find another, better relationship.

 

Most importantly, she said "it's not the time yet" for meeting. Does that mean she wants to test me? or she wants to make sure I stop trying to get her back before we meet?

 

But on the other hand she seemed doesn't believe I could change and said I "no need to change". Does she mean it or she was just still being angry?

 

Please, don't try to read her mind. It's really unlikely that she knows what she wants at this point.

 

Good luck.

[Imalone1607310460]

Hi Wiseman2,

 

Its exclusive dating.

 

No she was not a rebound, and she didnt go back to an ex.

 

I know my current situation, i am just asking how could I increase the chance of getting back with her. This is a getting back together forum isnt it? Thanks!

[Naomi99]

You increase the chance of getting her back by letting her go.

[jah123]

I know my current situation, I am just asking how could I increase the chance of getting back with her. This is a getting back together forum isnt it?

This proves that you actually do not know your situation.

 

Yes, it is a getting back together forum, but trust me - we all here have been through a lot of sh*t connected with breaking up in our lives and everyone here will tell you the same: Let her go for your own good. Don't you see it? If she wanted you then she'd already be with you, but something is holding her up and promising to change won't change this situation. And don't get me wrong here, I'm not being mean to you, I just want you to understand that this is just pointless at this moment. Maybe someday she'll want to reconcile with you, but then you'll probably have a better life with someone else and won't even be interested.

 

And by the way, before you even do anything, read through these forums. There's huge amount of knowledge written here that might help you.

 

Anyways, good luck.