Emmm91x Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 So I had a fwb on and of for a period of 5 years. Long story short I caught the feelings in the beginning until now. We did dated in the beginning but I had a withdrawal with one of my ex bf at the time so yea I cheated and my fwb knew everything. Months passed we talked again, hung out. He knew I always wanted a relationship with him. We would only argue and break it off when I would tell him I wanted us together. He will say that were better as friends. He became by best friend through out the years. Talk everyday about life about family about our emotions about our dreams to succeed about our fear of failure in life about everything. He told me he enjoys spending time with me that Im the best person he has ever had. Recently a few months ago we both agreed in nothing changing that it was just us being best friends, having sex and sharing an emotional relationship with each other no tittle given. It worked. Yes he will flirt with me and tell me not to cheat on him. Everything was there until I called him babe his like don't call me petnames I don't want you to think other wise. So I was frustrated that every time I would try to get close to him and want to be his gf he will reject me but yet again said that we can be friends and nothing has to change. The last time we spoke we ended things. He wanted to stay friends. I stood my ground and said no I can't be friends with someone I have strong feelings for. All I ever wanted was to be with you but you don't want me so Im done trying. Your not good to me you keep hurting me, you lead me on. I drive 1.5 hours from LA to Lancaster to see you. He doesn't have a car at the moment he ia going through some financial issues so I help him out by going to see him. Because he likes being with me too. But is been a month no contact and I'm beginning to feel a withdrawal happening. I miss him so much. I have been keeping busy I opened a dating app for fun and doing my own thing. I want to text him but I can't he said this words that make me feel bad "you can't force someone to be with you it doesn't work that way for future reference" which is true his right. I know he misses me and it sure surprised me that we didn't text afterwards. Up to this day. I know is over and I'm happy it is. Why because I'm not holding on to him. But I miss talking to him. We will talk 247 only stopped talking when it was time to sleep. Is almost a month no contact. My pride is fighting to continue the no contact. Because if he really wanted something real with me he would tell me. But is true he never told me he wanted something more yet again he was keeping me around. Do you think he will forget about me? Will he contact me?..I'm healing which is great but I do miss the kid. And Im scared of even more rejection that's why I haven't text him. I don't know what's his feeling. And I don't want to be in this mess again. I told him too his either with me or his not because He can't have his cake and eat it too. I told him I think you like the benefits of the relationship the loyalty the attention the sex the emotion part from it with out the commitment. I did called him an because in the end he told me like. "Come do me one more time, let's have sex again one more time"...he also said he wanted to stop having sex but not the friendship. But I can't do that. I know I'm doing good on no contact its just hard. I just miss the kid at times. Like I gave him my whole heart and he knows that and for him to do this to me after years suck so mutimeI feell is my fault too though but him too why would you keep a girl who is giving you her all he should have left instead of dealing with me. He will have a nickname for me too. Hug me kiss me cuddle with me let me caress him but I'm guessing I wasn't good enough. I'm done trying I just miss him....any advise? Link to comment
Matt3939 Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 I think you know exactly what you get from that guy. 5 years is a long time to be strung along if you have feelings 4 someone. I'd take some time off regroup. Then find someone who wants the same thing you do. Good luck Link to comment
Emmm91x Posted January 30, 2017 Author Share Posted January 30, 2017 I think you know exactly what you get from that guy. 5 years is a long time to be strung along if you have feelings 4 someone. I'd take some time off regroup. Then find someone who wants the same thing you do. Good luck Thank you @Matt3939! I guessed the habit of getting used to someone. But thank you so much I do plan on finding someone who wants the same thing as me. I appreciate your advise! Thank you! Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 OP, you did this to yourself. He was honest from the start. Next time, you need to listen, and not that hope that someone will change their mind. Don't waste another 5 years of your life with someone who only wants to be a FWB. it's devaluing. Block and delete! Link to comment
Emmm91x Posted January 30, 2017 Author Share Posted January 30, 2017 OP, you did this to yourself. He was honest from the start. Next time, you need to listen, and not that hope that someone will change their mind. Don't waste another 5 years of your life with someone who only wants to be a FWB. it's devaluing. Block and delete! @Hollyj: ....Yes my thoughts afterwards. I was mad at myself more then anything. There was no one to blame here but me. And I will own up to it that was my mistake. And yes you are right not hope that someone will change their mind totally right thanks!! .... Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Emmm, Give yourself some time to heal from this guy, as you cannot pursue anything healthy when you are stuck on another. I also think you need to truly understand why you put yourself in this nowhere position. Address your own commitment issues: someone who does not have commitment issues, would have moved on when he told them that he only wanted casual. I think that he was safe for you, as he was never available. You may say you wanted differently, but staying in the casual situation shows that you were scared of a healthy relationship. I think when you address your trust issues, you will be ready for the right guy. BLOCK HIM! Link to comment
Emmm91x Posted January 30, 2017 Author Share Posted January 30, 2017 Emmm, Give yourself some time to heal from this guy, as you cannot pursue anything healthy when you are stuck on another. I also think you need to truly understand why you put yourself in this nowhere position. Address your own commitment issues: someone who does not have commitment issues, would have moved on when he told them that he only wanted casual. I think that he was safe for you, as he was never available. You may say you wanted differently, but staying in the casual situation shows that you were scared of a healthy relationship. I think when you address your trust issues, you will be ready for the right guy. BLOCK HIM! @Hollyj: oh yes definitely giving myself sometime. It doesn't hurt as much anymore like it did at the beginning I feel like I'm feeling better and honestly happy I had the strength to get out. Yea I had a fear of leaving I can honestly say I just genuinely liked the person and afraid of leaving. I feel like I may had lost chance of being in a healthy relationship and yes commiting to one as well. I learned that you can not make someone commit to you and that you don't have to feel force commiting to the none committed one. Is all so easier said then done Lol but I'm so climbing up the stairs now. Now looking back it was an emotional ride and no not a good one as you can see Holly .... Thank you for your words and yes I blocked him from fighting my temptations! I will take this as a lesson learn. No more fwb, and to always listen on the first time!! Link to comment
JoeyD2000 Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Sounds like you're dealing with this reasonably well. Continue the no contact. You're doing the right thing. In time you will feel better about yourself. Good luck 😊 Link to comment
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