He shattered my trust to pieces

[dandelion26]

Hi,

 

I am a 22 years old girl. I've been told that I am naive. I've been dating a boy since I was 14 years old (since high school), and that is my only experience in real relationship.

Though he is my first boyfriend ever, what we had is real, and so beautiful.

 

My boyfriend an I are on a LDR since 4 months ago.

When he visited me for a vacation together about 3 weeks ago, he asked me to see a photo in his phone, but when I open the lock of his phone, what I saw was the line chat of him and another girl (just call her A). From the chats, I know that he adores A, he admires her. He kept saying how beautiful she is, calling her darling, baby, and even he called her with the word we call each other. He scrolled through her instagram and takes screenshots of her oldest photos and mentions that she is so pretty. And he never did that to me. He rarely compliments me, or even saw my instagram page. In the conversation, they told each other how they miss each other, how they want to see each other, just the two of them. And the girl sent selfies etc. And when the girl sent her selfies, my boyfriend said that it makes him "want it". I didn't quite catch what it means at that time, but then I get that "it" could mean sex.

 

I knew that girl, she is one of his close friend. They are in the same group in medical intern so they are almost always together, 24/7. They go to other cities together, etc.

I remember him mentioning to me that this girl is pretty. But I suspect nothing. I even agreed with him.

He even ask her to pick him up to the hospital when he was with me. I knew, and I suspect nothing at that time. Just friends going to the hospital together. Because I trusted him that much.

 

Don't get me wrong here, I admit that she is pretty, but I am not ugly too you know. All my friends said that I am prettier than her. And that he is so stupid for not being grateful that he has me.

And I thought our relationships are way more than physical appearances. I thought no matter how pretty his friends are, he would never be tempted with another girl.

 

I didn't understand their relationships though. If you guys understand what type of relationship is that, please enlighten me. Because that girl has a boyfriend, and my boyfriend had me. And they mention each others girl/boy friend casually.

 

The girl even congratulated my boyfriend for our 8th years anniversary. But then she said how much she misses him.

 

My boyfriend sometimes mentioned to her that he feels lonely because I am so far away from him.

 

And when I confronted my boyfriend, he cried and apologized over and over again. But he swore that he felt nothing, and he did nothing with her sexually. He said that it was just his old habit that came back again.

 

Then he showed me other chats with his other friends. Sometimes he said things like, "Thanks babe.", "Sure darling", "Okay gorgeous" etc, but there is nothing as suspicious as his conversations with A.

 

The night before that day, we talked about our future together. How he wants to marry me, but I have to wait until he finished his medical intern and start working. I was so sure that he was going to be my future husband.

(I know I am quite young, but in my country, most of the girls my age are already married or planning to marry.)

 

Our 8 years was so beautiful. So many ups and downs but we stayed together. We made each other better, and I (thought) I knew all about him. Turns out I didn't.

 

So I did the first thing that pops into my mind, which was to break up with him. But until now he begs to get back together, and swore that he had changed, and he will never ever do that again.

 

I asked his friends secretly and they said he really changed. He was never close with any other girl ever, especially that girl. And he looks devastated everyday.

 

Now, I feel hurt and my trust is completely shattered. I am not sure I could ever love any other man ever again. For I have given all my love to him. And I still do love him. So much, it hurts.

 

So, I am considering getting back together with him..... Though I don't think I already forgive him and I don't know if I can trust him again. Is it a bad choice? What do you guys think?

[Rising100]

This is a hard one... distance does affect relationships, I know because it happened to me.

Now hes done wrong, even tho hes far he shouldnt have done those things.

But what makes it worst is that she also has a bf, this is just so wrong. They are both playing with each others partners.

 

I dont understand cheaters. If hes done this, why does he want to get back with u when hes doing this with her.

[MrWallFlower]

It can take a while for you to get over this and trust him again. A lot of it has to do with whether he is remorseful enough to change that situation and his ways. Unfortunately, since you have a LDR, it will be hard for you to know whether he changes or not and that may delay you reconciliation. If you get back together and you already know you don't forgive him, you will end up being miserable because you will want assurances that he's not cheating. He will be miserable because of being on a short leash and having to always assure you that he is not cheating. How long before he finishes school and can return?