When does this stop?

[littleel672]

So after being engaged to my ex and owning a house, it came out that he had in fact cheated because he gave me an STI. He begged me to stay to work though it, claimed he would commit suicide and said it was a one night stand only. Then not long after, a series of slanderous letters were sent to me in my home. I later found out that he'd been visiting a house in an area near his work a few times. He had pushed trying to work through it and maintained he had no idea who sent these letters, and the house was 'just a mate'. But wouldn't drive me there, muddled his story.

 

As we were supposedly working through it he then started visiting another address near work (I learnt this all through phone tracking). He kept lying about his whereabouts. He then turned from wanting to stay with me to being hot and cold. Until finally, I managed to gain the strength to break up with him. He stayed in the house until I found a girl on his phone who had been calling him late at night. The admin girl in his office. I chucked him out. He let me cancel the wedding on my own and sort most of the house sale (he bought me out), would flit between trying to demand my attention to acting cold when I didn't give it to him - setting up new FB profiles and not blocking me etc.

 

Always maintained this girl on his phone was a friend. However I've now found out 9 months after ending, 5 months after completing all of the house sale and being embroiled in the crap above, he is dating her. I broke NC and went mental at him - once again he was callous telling me he wished me well in a sarcastic tone. Then when I asked for the truth about the letters he put the phone down on me. I proceeded to text him to say having received this information it had filled in SO many gaps and that I knew he was lying, and that was all I needed. Asked him to block my number so he could get on with refusing to acknowledge I exist. He wouldn't block me - until a further 24 hours later when I kicked off and said some nasty things. Only then did he do it. He claimed this girl knows everything that happened - but she hasn't met friends and family. So there is another poor sucker out there believing his every word and the cycle begins again.

 

I'm absolutely 100% aware I've been dating a complete narcissist. No doubts about it. But guys please - can someone tell me, when does this stop hurting? Why do I feel like I'm the one losing out when I wouldn't choose to touch him with a barge pole?! It just feels like karma won't arrive quickly enough to smack him in the face - he's there with another woman already massaging his ego, when I'm here single and taking the hard and long route out of our relationship?!

 

If anyone has any advice on how to block out thinking about this, or whether they've got some good news karma stories on how this sort of thing goes wrong, I'd be most delighted to hear it. The above is only a short version of what he did so hopefully you can follow. He ignores everything I send because he knows if he says anything he gets caught up in more lies. But likewise, he then won't block any of my contact. He only ever puts the phone down on me when I quiz too hard on what he is lying about because I'm too close to the bone. Likewise - he has a habit of crying or blowing up when I've brought it up in the past to avoid the topic.

 

I really want to move past all of this now. I rationally can see he's not good for me at all. But I still just feel torn up about everything - like they're there laughing at my expense.

[reinventmyself]

Why is it you have given him all the power to determine whether or not you have contact and yet act victimized that he doesn't respond you?

Do you enjoy being a victim?

 

I am sorry, I don't mean to be hard on you. You have been through enough.

But where is the responsibility you have to your own self preservation now?

 

For the life of me I can't imagine why you are frustrated that he hasn't blocked You?

Why exactly haven't you blocked this creep and those he associates with?

 

The only one responsible for your peace of mind and safety after all has crashed and burned is you. Start today.

 

You block all means of contact, dispose of all property and reminders. Surround yourself with friends and family and begin to heal.

 

The way you are going about is rather masochistic. Waiting and wishing for karma and bad things to happen to him is wasted energy.

Besides, the best revenge is silence. Every time you contact him you are feeding his ego. He feels better, you feel like crap.

Is that what you want?

 

I get why you are thinking along these lines. Your world has been turned upside down but it's time to upright it.

I am truly sorry you are going through this.

 

The vindictive, drama motivated energy is better invested in your own self care.

And it begins the moment you let go of all the drama.

It's your choice.

What are you going to do today to start moving forward?

[littleel672]

Tough love there! Although I know you're right. Just been hard slog over recent months. Got caught on a bad day where I just found out some info and set me back when I've not felt this way most of the time and was actually okay. I won't explain the blocking stuff, it's a little more complex. But agreed on the other bits, time to move forward.

[kamurj]

Thread closed by user request.