My experience

[boson222]

I have been lurking around here for a while now and thought about posting about my experience with break ups.

A couple of years ago, I was friends with a girl for a while. We then dated for a few months until hit the fan and she broke up with me. I was devastated it was my first relationship and all. We had no direct contact for nine months (we had a class together). Over time I felt wayyy better and decided to contact her. By then I was over her. She responded very positively and slowly she started bringing up reconciliation. I quietly turned it down. This went on for quite a while until it stopped. After this we became good friends (still are). I asked her a while ago how she felt after the breakup and she told me for the first three months she had negative feelings but after this she wanted to talk to me but was too shy to do it.

 

An ex I dated and then dumped, begged and pleaded for a month before going ghost. I felt relieved for a while but after this I started feeling attracted again. We ended up talking again and this time she turned me down.

 

An ex I dated a while ago broke up with me for various reasons. The issue back then is that we were in the same class and a month was left before the end of the semester so it was a bit tough after which I went ghost right away (to heal and nothing more). 5 months after the breakup (4 after the end of the semester) she contacts me but by then I was way over her.

 

Most recent ex the one I truly loved contacted me on my birthday two weeks ago sending me a really nice message. I know it doesn't mean anything specific but it was a nice gesture. I won't deny it brought my hopes up but I stayed NC. Said ex previously said we could talk during our winter break (i.e. now) since she would finally be over with her stress. I won't deny that I have some hope but it is better to move on.

 

Anyway I just wanted to share some experience I hope it helps...

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. Unfortunately it sounds like you're not ready to date or have relationships because they seem to all turn into breakup/makeup games. Is there someone you would like to reconcile with and be willing to try that?

Most recent ex the one I truly loved contacted me on my birthday two weeks ago sending me a really nice message. I know it doesn't mean anything specific but it was a nice gesture. I won't deny that I have some hope but it is better to move on

[NIN2000]

It seems that you are young and testing the waters. But if there is a positive trait in all of this is the fact that you dated someone and after the brake up took the time to heal and learn. The latter is a big step for all of us. Notice how different your emotions and your logic guided you 9 months later after the break up.

 

Relationships are not easy. Emotions cloud logic and like a drug addict we seek more even though the relationship might not be healthy. It takes a lot to go no contact, heal and start dating again. I can't offer you anything concrete other than "live and learn" but try not to find yourself in the same predicament. Once you do, then you must realize you are the problem.

 

Good luck.

[boson222]

There is no breakup/makeup game. But truth be told, in the three previous relationships I wasn't ready, I didn't know what I wanted. My point in talking about them is to say that my exes ended up coming back one way or the other.

 

I would like to reconcile with my most recent ex. I posted before about it but reading about now I over exaggerated. We had some issues as with all people.

Towards the end of our relationship she experienced major personal issues. This along with other issues led to us breaking up. No one expected it to happen everyone was shocked (friends and family).

She talks to my friend (her cousin), tells him she cares about me and misses me. She's still reading our old conversations. We talked once and she got very emotional and cried. Told me we could talk about the relationship during the break as she will have sorted her issues. I hope we can reconcile but I don't know what to do.

Currently I am in NC in order to heal. I'm not using it as a gimmick.

She is very shy, she had a crush on me for almost year and she didn't do anything about it until I talked about it. So I doubt she will contact me.

Anyway whatever happens I am moving forward and doing way better than before.

Thank you for your input

[boson222]

Thank you for your comment. It is spot on. My last relationship wasn't testing the waters I was so taken by it and convinced about it. Way more than the others. And yes I am quite young, still in my 20s