Her Gay friend; why do I feel threatened?

[JealousJackrabbit]

First time that I've posted about my personal relationships on forums, but I figure that I might as well get some feedback. I know that I'm just jealous of them, and I figure that there's no way that I'm truly threatened by him, but one of my girlfriend's friends, who is gay, drives me crazy. I was raised in a way that I was taught that "touching is a personal thing" in my mind, but I've tried to come and forget that, because I know it doesn't mean anything to her. The thing that bothers me about him, is that if it weren't for him being her best friend, then he's not the kind of person that I would really ever want to be friend's with. I've tried everything to shove my jealousy down, or to get rid of it, including talking to her about it, what about it bothered me, she knows that I don't like him, I've used reason to try and get rid of the feelings, but I just can't seem to push it out of my head! It drives me crazy, and I guess part of the reason that it bothers me is that she dated him for 2 years before, and they did kiss. He's also a very "touchy-feely" person. An example would be on a trip that we took, all 3 of us were sitting in the middle seat of a van and when we were getting in, she was cold, and instead of coming ot me for warmth, she made a comment about how cold my leather jacket was, which I knew it truly was, so that didn't bother me, but then she climbed into his coat when they were in the car and he, jokingly though I know it was, commented in a sexual manner about it, saying they could "make plenty of heat together" or something like that. I knew it didn't mean anything, but I tried to distract myself by talking to others in the van, but I just couldn't get them out of my head. I eventually tried giving her the silent treatment, sitting right next to her, and hoping that she would get the idea and I wouldn't have to intervene in a "blunt" manner, but when she's around him he makes her laugh so much and she gets so wrapped up in talking to him about something that happened, which I guess also bothers me when I hear about something that I've never heard of before being told to him. I'm rambling now, and I'm sure that this is too much specifics for most of you to take into consideration, but input would be nice. I guess the other thing this could be for would be for others to know that you're not alone, that there are others out there that are jealous of gay guys even when you have a wonderful relationship with your girl.

[Blue.Paradise]

i dont no much bout this stuff, but i wud say maybe u shud leave her...if she so attached to her gay friend, maybe you shoudnt bother trying to get her if she is always with him....yea uve talked to her, but did she do anething bout it?....if not then she is too attached to see how u feel, itz not rilly worth it then....

welll in the end it is entirely your decision, to stay and try to make things better, or just leave the situation...

[JynX]

I dont think you should leave her, it sounds like you guys have a good relationship. It's strange that she's still so attatched to her friend even after you told her it bothers you. Maybe she didnt think you were serious? I think you should try talking to her one more time, and tell her what you told us in this post. If she has strong feelings for you, it should make her stop, seeing how unhappy it makes you. If not...then I'm sorry to say, but you might want to rethink the relationship, just like italian_chick505 said.

 

Hope I helped, if you wanna talk feel free to PM me.

 

JyNx

[stargazer25]

I think you should talk to her...and I think you should deal with it.

 

I have a fiance for 5 years. When we first started dating...he was insanely jeleous of my gay friend. He thought things like he was just "pretending" to be gay, or that he wasn't really gay...and was trying to get me. It upset me very much. I have a gay male friend right now...and he is truly the best. We flirt with each other all the time....but that is my point....we obviously don't want to sleep with each other...but we always joke around and flirt. It is always on good fun...and I wouldn't trade him for the world

[FeelinLuckyPUNK]

to stargazer25

 

I know exactly what you mean about 'straight men acting gay'. Many men think that girls should only have girl friends and the like and the fact you have a male friend is putting his manliness to threat. Even though your friend is gay he is paranoid that he is only acting.

 

I think he needs reassurance that you love him and he is the only one. The thing is im bi, i have a female friend who is bi, but her boyfriend kicks off when i flirt with her. Its totally innocent like 'its so hot in her, i think i may need to lose some layers' on a packed train at rush hour etc. Its all just a bit of fun really for us too but he doesnt see it that way.

[ghengiscone]

ok in the same situation as the topic poster.

 

For me, its not that Im worried that he pretending to be gay to get with my gf or anything, its that I feel like my gf likes him much more then she likes me, and if he was straight i would have been out of the picture a long time ago.

[VAM]

It would seem that in a good relationship, the you should feel secure that they want no one else, not even a straight version of their gay friend....