My fiance cheated on me back then but i'm just finding out

[miracle29]

I really have lost all hope. i'm engaged now and just found out that right before he proposed to me, he cheated on me. The strange thing is the girl he cheated on me with was hideous. I'm not trying to sound stuck up, but for petes sakes i really thought he would have atleast chose someone better. She was cheap she had cheap all over her. She told me everything. (Backing up a bit) now a week before he and her hooked up, he and i had some serious issue, i was miserable with him because he started treating me like you know what. I suspected something was goin on. He even invited her to the same party he invited me too. She told me that as well. Now when he tried to give her his number, he and i were still together. He played me right in my face. She then said not even a week later they had sex. The same night he told me he was coming over to my home and he never showed up. This happened over 6 months ago but i assure any of you cheaters out there, What happens in the dark, always come to the light, be it years or months from now. Anyhow i'm sorry i'm going on so long, but here,...it gets even worse.

 

I broke up with him after that night because no lie, the same day he's doing her, another girl comes to my door telling me he tried to mess with her. I was pissed, i broke up with him and didnt talk to him for a month, then like an IDIOT i got back with him, and thought hey maybe he learned that living without me isnt worth it, but the fact is, he denied all of this you guys. He still to this day lied to me about the girl who came to my home and the girl he slept with who actually lives in his complex he manages. This has hurt me so bad. Now just recently she gives me all the dirt because I actaully saw her out and about and it just so happens she (who he claimed lived in another state) didnt live in another state at all but actually right upstairs and accross the hall from his OFFICE. I am so upset, i dont' even know what to say. he lied to me and said, (i never cheated on you, we were broken up when she and i got together, but i know in my deepest heart of hearts, that he is lieng. I know that he's cheated on me, and even though it was long ago, cheating is still cheating. And why couldnt he just tell me she was right there accross the hall. He really thought i'd never find out!!! She said it was a one night stand and that they relly don't even speak, she said he turned her off and was horrible in bed, and she didnt even know he was engaged or involved, because he told her he was single. Now what i don't understand besides the fact that he's a dog, is how he always tells me i'm fat, need to lose weight, dont have my hair done, or this and that, and the girl he cheats on me with is not only overweight, but (i'm sorry to say it) ugly. I"m so disgusted with him and i am so confused. I'm crying as i write this, i don't know what to do. I feel like it was yesterday that he did this to me, even though it was before we got engaged and the worst part is..HE WONT ADMIT IT. If a man wont even man up to his mistakes, how can we be married. He thinks that just because he denied it, i fell for it, but i know he did this. I don't have proof but my gut. Someone please help me.

[providentielle]

I know you must feel awful right now but please remember you are in control and you must make the decision that makes you happy. My opinion is only that, ultimately you know your relationship best and it must be your choice. I have slightly unconventional views about cheating. I dont believe one night with another person can cancel out everything else that has happened in a relationship. The fact he asked you to marry him shows that he wants you more than some other woman, perhaps he was thinking of asking you at the time and got scared and did some silly things, it is cowardly that he wont admit it but i dont believe infidelity has to equal the end of a relationship. I think the bigger picture here is about your partners comments about your weight and hair etc, he should be telling you that you are wonderful and making you feel good about yourself and being supportive. If I were you i'd tell him how i felt and what i wanted from him and give him a certain period of time to show you he can be the boyfriend he should be before you marry him. Good luck

[femmegrl31709]

I know how you feel. I have had 2 long relationships....1 for 9 years and one for 4. People always cheat!!! Men or women! My first g/f cheated on me for years with one girl and who knows how many times with EVERYONE esle. But she and I have been brokeup for almost 5 years and she still wants me back. Not happing b/c i know she won't change!!! Then last week I found out that my other g/f cheated on me with our friend over a YEAR ago! He told me and then she acted like she hated me b/c of it. She did the whole calling me fat, ugly, and anything else she could do to downgrade me ! I know its for the best that we brokeup but it hurts! Things will get better for both of us....you just have to figure out if you want to continue living with a lier. Good luck and make the right decision.....believe your gut it wont lead you wrong often.

[Jetta]

Do you really want to go through with this marriage knowing this information? I mean he cheated on you. Does it matter who the girl is really? A cheater will always find someone to cheat with. You need to decide now if you are willing to be married to a cheater, he will do this again. Stop blaming her and look at him.

[miracle29]

Ladies I know you are right. i do have a serious decision, and the thing about this man isno matter what i ask or say, he DOESN'T LISTEN TO ME. its horrible. He wont talk to me unless he wants to. he'll either shut me out or walk out on me while im upset. How stupid i am to even think even if he was faithful, that he would ever treat me better then he has. I'm such a fool and as Old as i am...i should know better.

 

p.s I totally agree with you that ALL people cheat. Even if they have their dream relationship...it doesnt matter, its never good enough.

 

ladies i have lost my faith in all, (except God) and i feel ugly, and fat, and gross and useless. i feel like nothing.

 

Sometimes i wish God would just talk to me without inuendos, i mean really come down and speak with me and let me know my future with this man. (I know , its a fantasy...)

I'm also sure that he will find someway to justify another infedelity soon, and this time he'll deny it even more then he already has. He swears up and down, that he did it when we were broken up, and even if the sex happened while we were not together, still he had something lined up, cheating is cheating, even if its no physical. Why do i stay faithful to a man who can't do the same for me? Whats wrong with me. I hate myself sometimes..i know i deserve a faithful man, but whats the point, they don't exist.

[miracle29]

WHy do men hate us women so much? Why do they hurt us so much. Why?

[femmegrl31709]

i would think if you are saying all of this about this man that you know what you need to do. you just have to find the strength to follow through with it. i don't feel like i am the smartest person by any means but I too am going through a similar situation. I left my relationship though and it is very hard but you are hurting now....if you get if over with the pain will go away.....LORD I HOPE!!!! that is what i am praying for now....and it is VERY hard but I have to stay strong and keep my faith. good luck to you

[Cecelius]

You need to face facts I think -- no matter what you love about him, he's treating you like absolute garbage, and if you marry him/stay with him, he will NEVER learn his lesson. Even if he can reform as a human being, I do not think it can be with you. If he still has you, in the end --whether he admits the cheating or not, has to do penance to you, whatver -- in his mind, like 5 year old, he knows he effectively got away with it.

 

You also probably know that when we find out facts in life, there are usually a LOT more irritating, repulsive ones that come to light.

 

Drop him, without drama or futher worry, then pat your self on the back.

 

if it matters, I'm male.

[volution]

I believe that cheating, no matter what reason is totally unacceptable.

Nothing good can ever come out of cheating.

Why people do it - the reasons are copious (I wrote about some of them in a previous post).

 

There ARE men out there, that DON'T and wouldn't EVER even CONSIDER cheating - so don't be afraid.

 

Faithfulness requires two people. Being faithful to yourself, is as important as being faithful to someone else. You cannot be faithful (true) to yourself, if you allow someone to continue to be unfaithful to you.

[desparatehousewife]

I'm sorry you're going thru this. First of all, without an admittance, there will never be an apology for you to decline or accept. Never doubt your gut. Save yourself years of heartache, humiliation and suspision. There are plenty of decent guys out there. And for him, what comes around ALWAYS goes around. Take some confort in knowing that!