Fighting for my married alone

[mbenz201]

My husband and I have been married for 8 years now have 2 beautiful children he is 36 and I am 43 year older then him and we have always have had a great relationship open and honest always talk to each other always had fun together and we have gone through a lot which had build us to be strong together he was even diagnosed with major depression and anxiety attacks which I understand how hard life can be when someone is experiencing these things and I have always tried my best to be very supportive and understanding to my husband’s needs while going to this he had ended up gaining a lot of weight he had reach 450 and decided it was time to do the gastric bypass surgery with in a year he lost all the weight I myself kept trying to lost weight was 240 when he start on his Journey and now I’m down to 180 it still a work in progress not has easy for me with working and having no time for my self for the pass few months it been really hard it all starting a few months ago in July to the end of August

Something changed he told me he wasn’t happy and at the time my oldest daughter was staying with us for a month and he also wasn’t working and I was always out working. he come out of now where and told me he wasn’t happy and give me no other reason to why just said he was happy and was very upset with me before this he always have had other females friends that he talk to on those Internet chat apps which I never had a problem with because he was always open and talk to me about everything so he talk to female was just to pass the time since he was at home bored ok wasn’t a problem then he decided to have one of his online female come over since she had a man so we all got to meet talk as a couple of friends was great they both seem to be nice people but then out of nowhere he started acting definitely very distant he wasn’t happy I was devastated and thought what was it was it me did I do something I had no idea to what was going on because he wasn’t talking to me and then he became closer to his new female friend they started hanging out going to places together he would go over to there house when her man was home. So it was a morning that I was off work and I was making breakfast for us he gets up say he be right back (oh I did forget to mention that she didn’t live very far from me like right around the corner to our house) well he went over there and mind you he still wasn’t talking to me about what was wrong with him and why he wasn’t happy and I was beginning to feel very uncomfortable with the whole situation of this so-called female friend because I started to notice how she looked at him and acted like it was more feeling there and she would only look at him when she was in the room when ever I was around a look of infatuation

And with him not talking to me and not being open like he use to mad me feel like there was something going on so that morning I went over to tell him breakfast was ready to come eat and I knock on the door my heart was pending he opens the door because he was sitting near a couch close to the door and she was in the opposite side of the room and I ask him is there something going on with the both of them and he turned to ask her do I have something with you and she just had a very awkward expression on her face like if you just a friend and you been over my house I welcome you no she just sat there with a face and that just made me really believe that there was something going on no he didn’t do much to tell me anything well as week had pass and he was about to start a new job has a truck driver and all week noting no communication nothing still closed push me away every time I try to talk to him was even begging him to talk to me till I broke down and told him I cant live like this all week begging pleading to give us a chance to open up and talk to me I told him I can’t fight for you to love me if you don’t and was still asking him if he love me no he didn’t answer so I gave him back the my wedding ring and even with that said he didn’t say a word the next day he went and got the kids early from daycare to spend time with them because he was going to leave for a month and he left and I didn’t get to see him because I had to work and he still didn’t say anything to me all he did was call me to tell me he left my ring and I was so hurt and destroy my heart was broken and so many pieces because he didn’t even try to fight or argue tell me anything just left well a few days had pass and I had manage to broke in his Fb messages and that where I found out that he did have sex with her on the day he was leaving I just broke down in got so piss off that I keyed her new car and that’s when he finally opens up and told me what he was going through a lot and my daughter being there also push him to be more mad at me because she has her own mental issues that also play a part on how he was feeling he was mad that she was even here and that I didn’t ask him but at the time she had no place to stay and so I wasn’t given a choice plus it was temporary. Well he was sorry and he told me he love me and wanted to work things out and I ask him are you sure we are worth fixing at this point has much as I was so hurt by everything that happened I still love my husband and didn’t want to lost what we had a bond a great friendship I was willing to forgive him since he never before did any like that before and he was always open and I was willing to more forward I understood that he was always fighting with him self because he suffered from major depression and anxiety attacks in the pass so I understood that might had play a part in him being so distant so we work things out but now it’s like we are back at square one he has close him self off from me again all because he’s keeps bring up that he wants to have a second wife I’m not sure if he joking about it or not but that’s not what I signed up for and not going to happen and he still has his online life talking to other females he get mad when I look through his phone or if I spy on where he’s going being very distant and not communicating not showing love or affection to me at all. I have countless of time broke down and express how I feel and I get nowhere he has even have told me we should have a open relationship like I don’t know what more to do I’m a good wife I don’t nag him don’t fight or argue with him I give him his space well go out on date nights when we can. I just try to get him to talk to me like he use to but noting works I constantly tell him that I’m In love with him and tell him how much he means to me and it’s like I’m fighting for this relationship by myself most night he doesn’t sleep in the same bed with me and sometimes stay out all night and just say he went out for a drive but I just don’t know what to do anymore and fortunately I’m the only one that is in love in this relationship I often cry my self to sleep I don’t suspect him of cheating but I don’t even know any more because how he can be so cold at times I just go up to my room with our children and spend my even lock in with them till they fell asleep.

Just losing the battle at this point

[Hollyj]

You'll get some response, if you break up this big wall of text.

[mustlovedogs]

And use complete/proper sentences. Your first paragraph is one big run on...

[mbenz201]

Gees sorry for the run on was emotional at the time and thank you for your advice

[sara-pezzini]

I'm sorry but this is impossible to read, i tried but couldn't get far.

Maybe write it again and break it into paragraphs, and use more punctuation...

First part for instance, you write your husband is 36 and you are 43 year older then him.

Think you mean he is 36 and you are 43 year, older then him

But it reads as if you're 79 haha....or maybe you are, not judging here but i think you mean my first explanation.

If everyone has to work hard to understand someone's wall of text, I'm sorry but they just click away.

[mbenz201]

Lol I'm just a emotional wreck and writing suck when you are I break it down