One day later

[Unluckyinlove]

I guess this will be my online journal of sorts. Finally got some sleep last night and actually slept well. Woke up feeling pretty good this morning, but the more I think about it the more my mood starts to sink. At least I have had some rest and feel stronger about myself today. Yesterday was massive self-doubt and why? So ok the self doubt is still there to a point, and why, while still there isn't quite as strong as it was.

I can analyse this to death but I have to take her for her word as to why she broke it off. The reasons many of you have given me do make some sense. I am not going to contact her. I don't know when I will. I think I will get an email from her in the next couple of weeks to see how I am doing.

I do miss her very much. I miss talking on the phone, I miss her laugh, I miss everything about her.

In my heart of hearts I would like to think that given time we can start this over and using some of the advice given here, see if she responds differently. Intellectually though, all I see is a woman who has made up her mind and is gone. Does the fact that she "cares about me deeply" and is "everything I am looking" help even though there is "something missing" give me a chance?

I could use all the help I can get folks. Your feedback yesterday was very much appreciated. I never thought I'd come to a site like this to pour out my soul to anonymous people. I'm not sure I would have done as well if I hadn't. My friends while supportive are in different parts of the country or have families and their own problems so it's hard to dump on them. I'm somebody though that needs people around me when I'm hurting. Loneliness right now is difficult. I had my daughter with me last night and I didn't want to take her back to her mom's at the usual time. Just having her around to occupy my mind until I was tired enough to go to bed really helped.

Anyway, I think I'll be here for awhile until I can get a grip on my emotions. I've been through a lot the last 5 years with my health, divorce, job loss, and now this and it really wears on a person. I'm not as strong as I used to be and each time I go through something like this it seems to just get more difficult. I know I shouldn't have put all of my eggs into her basket so to speak, but the way we met, the way we hit it off, the way it went until I said the "L" word all pointed in one direction to me, and it's difficult to accept that it's over.

Part of me, once my head is clear and I can approach this with some distance would like to use some of the techniques proposed by Beec in the PM he sent me to try and see if I can restart this. I know you are looking at this from afar probably thinking what a waste of time, and it probably is, but I would kind of like one last shot. Maybe I need to accept that what we had and what she wanted was just a nice relaxed, uncomplicated relationship. It wouldn't be the first time somebody has wanted me just for the physical part of the relationship. To the gal who thought that maybe I wasn't that attractive, YOU ARE WRONG about that!

OK, so I got this mornings short story out of my system. Any and all thoughts and feed back really are welcome and appreciated.

[aloneornot]

I dont have alot of advice, just that someone to fill the gap can help,

but ill say this, you make me terrified to get back into the dating scene and get my heart ripped out! Good luck.