Building up Confidence to ask someone out

[Ddog187]

Alright if anyone has been fallowing my post then you know I met this new girl and she's just so perfect in my eyes and is everything I really wanted. But I am so scared to ask her out. She's in 12th grade and I am in 10th but its do difficult for me to ask her out. What should I do? I really and truly like her and want to let her know my feelings. Me and my friend are meeting up with her and her friend at the local mall and should I ask their?

[Inconceivable]

When you ask her, don't ask her in front of the other two people. She will feel like she's on the spot.

[tosing]

Before you start calling her perfect, think about what you really like. If its all physical, ask if that really matters to you. She's a human being just like you.

 

What truly matters is how nice she is. Don't worry about the age or grade difference.

 

Ask her out for coffee. This will give you a chance to converse with her. You'll be able to find out about a lot of things by talking over a cup of coffee for at least an hour. Offer to pay for her coffee - - please. If you think she's real nice after that, then ask her for her phone number and find out if there's any new movie she'd like to see or even better, ask if she wants to go to a local museum or the zoo.

 

The point is to spend time around her to see how she really is. The movies is quite a distraction because you don't have the opportunity to really interact.

 

You'll be able to get to know much more about a person in quiet settings.

 

Just be confident, okay?

 

All the best,

Tosing Withoutreserve

[easyguy]

Whatever you do, don't say "Will you go out with me?".

 

Say something like, "I was going to go (some place) later, want to join? That is if you're not busy."

[Ddog187]

uh huh. I see. Well she gave me her number and she knows my number but I have not yet called her I like who she is shes a very amazing person to me. Asking her to a cup of coffee thats going to be kinda hard when I can't drive. So whats the other way we can go? If I ask her to a movie and she drives I would pay for movie,food,and gas for her is that the right thing to do and have her drive?

[MetallicAguy]

Why are you scared?!?!?! Hello?! She gave you her number what the **** are you so scared about? Don't worry about the 2 grade year differences it's not a big deal. Some people marry and they can range from 10 to 40 years! And how do you think they approach, they do it not caring about how old they are; they just do it! So yeah, don't worry about it. Overcome the intimidation of her looks just go up to her, don't think, don't think of what to say. If it flows naturally you'll do fine.

[Ddog187]

I dont know I think I am scared of getting turned down by this beautiful girl in my eyes. She even said she likes me and I heard and asked her what she said and she would not repeat it. And she gave me her number and all. But I will probly ask her out she just so beautiful. Any I only got a few more week's till schools out May 25th so I got to ask her out before then but I am pushing it to this week ask her out.

[easyguy]

You have more than 2 months, bro.

 

Just do it. Don't think about it. If you don't ask, you'll never know, and that'll stay in you forever a lot longer than the possible feeling of rejection.

 

Go for it! D

[Ddog187]

Well then I got 2 months to do it before then I will probly go from the mall. Like we'll see what happens at the mall and if the signs are good. Then I'll give her a call saying I had a blast with her and wanted to know if she wants to do that again sometime. Sound pretty good?

[easyguy]

I guess that sounds good, but when you ask her to something again sometime ask if it could just be you and her, no one else.

[Ddog187]

Yeah I will. Like what would be some good places to go? Like movies? what else?

[easyguy]

You can't talk when you're in a movie threatre. The only way this would work is if you did movie then dinner afterwards so you could chat. Plus if you saw the movie first you'd have something to start talking about.

 

I'm not the best at chosing places, but dinner/movie or movie/dinner, putt putt course (if it's not cold out), and a walk around town are a couple that come to mind.

[MetallicAguy]

Resturants are good. Either that or come up with something casual. She really WON'T care really where you go, if she truly likes you she won't be in it for the actual dates themselves, she supposed to be in it for you.

[yeayeayea]

if you choose to go to the movies i have a perfect line to break the ice that i use myself.

 

Before the movie starts and its still quiet in the theatre: have it arranged witha friend to call you at a certain time, before the movie starts OR you can pretend that you're talking to someone. Pick up the phone and be like:

 

Hey whatsup?

Not much, im chillin right now with this girl... about to watch a movie...

Yea man, she's a real cutie, youve got to meet her,

Shes got these eyes, their beautiful...>>Important you look at her/in her eyes when you say this. (Gets a nice reaction trust me)

...well anyways

 

The rest of the conversation is upto you what you want to say. Just dont worry about being direct and saying she cute or w/e.

 

This has worked for me everytime and i have judged all the risks and whether someone is able to do this or not and there is no way this can go wrong. If you doubt me, try to invent a situation where this is a bad thing... I mean cmon, youre already going to the movies together so shes obviously interested...

 

anyways goodluck on whatever you wish to do

[MetallicAguy]

Screw doing that, lol well I find it with people that are shy; don't do it like that. Break the ice before you date.

[S4il]

First Things First

 

Iv'e read some of the post above, and noticed that a few above posters have touched down on the basics, of *asking a girl out*, Iv 'e been told that i give good advice in this field so I'm here once again, and well I'll just get to the advice.

 

I'll Highlight the PHONE CALL since you have not yet called her i think some advice needs to be given here.

 

I'll try my best.

 

I believe that when a guy is given a number by a girl, that is no doubt a invitation to call her, and you not acting upon that has maybe delayed her level of interest a small amount, but nothing to worry about, proven that many women don't like it when a guy calls them the next day, it shows that there desperate, and no one likes a desperate person.

 

Your still on good shape with this girl, because you have to look at what you have gained thus far.

 

1. You have her number

 

2. You have talked with her in person ( i presume) so a friendship has already been established, and along with friendship starts the building of trust, and feelings, emotions..and all that mess.

 

3. You have earned her respect, Why i say that is because if you didn't she would of never gave you her number.

 

Now lets focus on the Phone call for just a sec.

 

Pratice Makes Perfect

 

I'm almost positive that you have heard that in your 17 years of life, from someone, Either in your family, friends..i know you have heard it, NOW, i want you to pay close attention to why i have brought this quote into this post, and that is because i want you to PRACTICE, what i mean by that is practice on the phone, pretend shes on the other line (unplug the phone first please) imagine that your talking to her on the phone.

 

Write down on paper what you want her to have HER say to you, this isn't easy at first, but with planned words for yourself, you can make the conversation go anywhere you want it too. let me give you an example.

 

I call this exercise "Bridging"

 

"Hello"

 

She says "hello"

 

"Is this (her name)"

 

She says "Yes"

 

"Amazing how different you sound over the phone"

 

She might say "in a bad way?" or "good way?"

 

From this point you have gained control of what she is thinking, and you have made her ask YOU a question, this is what you want to accomplish, I can't stress that enough, that your trying to keep the conversation on your side of the bridge, You can come over to her side and let her ask you some question during your conversation, but keep yourself "away" from her accessing to much information about you, you want to remain a "mysterious" person, this will keep her focused on you.

 

 

Another exercise called Anchoring

 

Please Note: *Anchor's are the Words in Orange*

 

 

You say "hello can i speak to (her name)

 

She responds "This is (her name)

 

You say "You know something about you that i like, Ahh never mind it's not worth saying

 

What above being the ANCHOR, is designed to do, Would be To Drop a heavy Thought into her head about what it was that you were going to say, but never finished saying.

 

Almost 95% of the time she will ask you what you were going to say, i sometimes do a different kind of anchor, one that is set at the end of the conversation, especially works well in voice mail, I'll say something like

 

"hey it's me sail, just calling to get in touch, hit me back when you get a chance, Peace... OH i forgot to tell you horses don't have wings"

 

BAM! Anchor dropped, Catch what I'm trying to get at?

 

You make her wonder what it is, or why it was that you said "horses don't have wings" sure they might think your a little crazy, and if they ask what it meant you can tell them that it was just a method you learned from a friend when calling girls.

 

You can do these anchors, but don't over do them, it will become obvious enough, and she may think your playing games.

 

And most important thing about this post, Don't ask her out over the phone, please do it in person, when you two have had a couple dates, casual lunches at first, than go into a more "inviting" environment to ask her out.

 

Thats all i can think of, really tired, keep us posted.

[Ddog187]

well thank you s4il I really learned alot on your post. I think I am going to call her. Now I wait to know something was this a offical she gave me her number. She was typing stuff on the computer and she typed in her phone number but left out a number and she told me to guess it and I guessed the correct number and she said thats my number and I gave her mine. So was that a offical she gave me her number?

[MetallicAguy]

Just a note Ddog, if anyone disagrees with S4il they're wrong because that's 100% correct and he knows his stuff. I'm not really that good with asking out women, I keep it simple, but yet it's good it's not straight forward asking the girl out.

[S4il]

Thanks MetallicAGuy for your comment, that is what keeps me posting !

 

 

 

 

Back to the Ranch

 

Yes no doubt that was her letting you know that she wanted to open up a more in-direct way of communication,That of course being by phone.

 

my question is why haven't you called her yet?

 

I can understand you might be nervous and all, it happens to the best of Us , but like i mentioned above Practice saying what your going to say to her over the phone, it will go a lot smoother, and may bring up your confidence some when you know what your talking about over the phone.

 

You don't want a Robot, hit and miss conversation. that can be boring, and may appear as if you have never talked over the phone before to a girl.

 

Iv 'e been giving advice on this site now for about, 2 years, maybe more, can't really remember, but i see a lot of post like yours, there are many guys your age, younger, and even older that have been in the same situation as yourself, even myself.

 

I wish you luck, remember keep things casual, (Like a friendship) don't be in such a hurry to let her know everything about yourself, keep that low profile, and things will work out good for you.

 

P.S. On a side note, if you feel like you can't wait until you get home to call her on some days, take a moment to sit out for a day or two, don't call her, unless you told her you were going to call, sometimes calling to much can Really be a recipe for getting crushed by the girl, why that is would be because your "smothering" her with attention, and women don't like to be smothered, Give and takes in a friendship need to be commenced from both parties, what im saying is....Before you get done talking to her, you can throw in a pitch or invitation like

 

"Well, I'll be home tomorrow around 5:00 ish, maybe you can try to call to talk"

 

You make it a obligation on her part to have her practice the normal gives and takes in the (friendship) those have to be set, early on so that both of you are comfortable with each other calling. not just YOU calling her

[cenkbut]

Oh man. She has done everything to give her phone number and she told you that she liked you. She is probably into you. So what are you waiting for? There are lots of nice advices here. Waiting can only make you lose her attraction. Act and act quickly.