Can't keep someone's attention?

[huszar]

I've dated a few girls...at best I go two dates with them. My longest relationship lasted a month. I'm not a virgin, so I'm not oblivious to gender relations, but...

 

The odd thing is...things will go incredibly well, with a lot of the right chemistry, but eventually the girl meets someone else very quickly, all of a sudden I don't hear from the girl anymore, where as I would constantly be receiving calls messages etc. This has happened quite a few times.

 

I would like to say objectively that I am somewhat attractive, and am in better shape than most . I fancy myself a very smart guy with a bright future, and I'm doing alright for myself money wise for a 20 year old. I'm in a frat and have good connections, so I am pretty well known, though I don't limit myself to one social group. Must the problem be my personality?

 

I'm a bit insecure at times as a result of my childhood, but most people wouldn't know. I'm pretty friendly and generous, well-read on a variety of topics, and am relaxed and nonabbrasive. I make sure you have a good time when you're with me, friends and otherwise. I'm not cut out for the one night stand deal that college usually is, but on the other hand, I can't keep someone for a long term period and build a relationship, which is what I would like and feel ready for.

 

Also an issue, a friend of mine made the observation that people naturally don't respect me and that while he does, he wishes others did more. I don't know why this is. I stick up for myself, and am willing to make my opinion known, I'm not malicious in any way toward anyone either. Does this lack of respect naturally contribute to my problem?

[MetallicAguy]

It's something like your too nice with women. Not totally sure what your doing wrong but it's a missing puzzle piece to your personality that women want. I'd think that to be flirting. If you already good, I don't know WHAT the problem is. If you don't flirt (teasing), learn, it'll keep them interested because you can make them come back for more.

[huszar]

I appreciate the reply. Hmm...you were right, I'm not much of a flirt. At all. It's really not my personality, don't get me wrong I'm not a robot though I like to party and have fun but...is that a deal breaker for most girls? Anyone else?

[jasminebose]

Hi,

It could be due to not flirting but I doubt it. A girl likes to know a guy likes her in a relationship way (why flirting is useful) but if she is really into you she will pursue you even if at first you just seem friendly. I think you need to take it easy, you just haven't met the right one yet.

JZ

[Day_Walker]

I believe that you have to look at the group of girls you are going after. It seems to be that if you are in college and a part of a certain scene especially the fraternity/sorority crowd the emphasis seems to be more on fun rather than relationships. Although it is possible to find a girl that wants a relationship in this crowd you have to look at what is most common. I dont see what you are doing as a problem, you are getting out there and seem to be having fun but you just cant find what you're looking for. At this point I wouldnt worry about if something seems to be wrong with you, at 20 things in your life are going to change. The best thing for you to do is have fun with these girls that you take out. You know that you are only going to have a short time with them so dont count on them being there in 2 months.

[sisterlynch]

Be patient, the right girl is out there, it is just hard to find now a days.

[SparklingKaren]

yeah- i agree. I'm in college to and it is hard to find people who are looking for a committed relationship. One thing I noticed is that you say you are insecure, but most people wouldn't notice. You'd be surprised on what people (especially girls) pick up on. You should really start to overcome why you are insecure with yourself and learn how to be more comfortable.

 

Also, you mentioned that you don't really flirt very much. It helps a lot because girls want feel like the guy they are with is attracted to them, and you have to show it. Flirting is better than actually telling them, because its more natural. Just a light touch on the arm to emphasize a point, or lots of smiling and eye contact (no staring, though) really helpful.

 

Finally, i think it would help a lot if you just relax and realize that when its right, it will just happen. The girls who havn't been interested after a while? Who needs them anyway? Just focus on getting to know someone and letting them get to know you. It puts too much pressure on things to wonder where these things are goign too early on, especially because you are so young. Relax and have a good time.