Will he come back? Why do I call too much? Please help me!

[callaholic]

So my bf and I are in an ldr and we are planning to have me move in with him after tax season, for June 1. We met in September. I go up for Easter weekend, to hang out, look at places, we keep fighting and he breaks up with me and sends me home 1 day early.

 

For the next three weeks I am trying to get back together, work things out, I love him so much. After three weeks he comes to see me, spends the weekend with me, we get back together and he agrees to help me move the following weekend ( I gave up my apartment for our moving in plan). We also discuss that I could maybe move to Boston after the summer, and we would get to see each other more 'normally' then. He comes and moves me and everything is nice. After he goes home he is weird with me on the phone over the next few days. The Wed morning he gets mad and hangs up on me and breaks his cell phone. I call his house phone and apologize for making him angry. He calls me a 'callaholic' saying I don't leave things alone and give him enough space. I am sorry but he llives far away and doesn't have email and the only way to talk to him is on the phone. I call everyone I know all the time and it is a bad habit I guess. I try to make plans to see him memorial day weekend and he is not interested, i get upset and we argue a little. Over the next few days he is not really home and I go away with my friends for the weekend. He calls me Mon night, we make up and I make plans to go see him for the following weekend (which was last weekend). As soon as I get up there we start having problems. I don't understand b/c when he comes to see me everything is so great. Fri nite we have a silly misunderstanding at a drive through, and we argue but then make up. Saturday morning he tells me not to go upstairs w/o my shirt on, b/c his mom might be home. I tell him that he always tells me not to go upstairs naked and I am not gonna all of a sudden forget that his mom lives there, I tell him I'm not stupid. Then he gets sulky and lies in bed. I tell him that if he's gonna be grumpy all day I should just go. Then I said, 'i'll wait in the car.' i was just kidding tho. he jumps out of bed and says let's take you home. i get all upset b/c it's an hour to boston and then a 5 hr bus ride home and i just got there. i tell him i'm not going home and he says he's sick of my shit. i call a girl i met in his town to see if she will get me she says ok. he doesn't like that idea and calms down and agrees to try to make the best of it. Sat goes sorta tense, but calmer at nite. He says mebbe we should date and not be bf/gf, i say let's talk about it before i go on sun. Sun i think he'll want me to leave right away but he wants to go to the movies. we go, and then go eat. he is grumpy while eating. then we walk to the bus and i try to talk about the sit. he gets really moody and tells me that we're over and he doesn't know abt the future. i try to hug him and he yells at me. then i walk away. he comes and finds me and tells me i left some stuff in the car. i go to get it and i try again to talk to him, he gets angry and wants to leave, i try to stop him from leaving and he freaks out and runs away. i feel so awful and i want to fix things right away (my big problem). i can't find my wallet, and i want to call him anyway so i call his house twice on the way home. he's not there and i talk to his mom. i wake him up on mon morning and he yells at me 'don't u ever get tired of talking' and hangs up. i am so dumb i call back, and he says 'are you a stalker' and then he hangs up again. i call him that afternoon and he says i can't keep calling him like this, we broke up, i should forget about him, i'm really stupid, i don't get it, he doesn't like me anymore. he asks me if i would be embarrassed if his mom answered the phone and told me not to call anymore. i tell him that i am just trying to understand the situation, i wish he wouldn't be mean to me, i wil be in boston in a few months and we shouldn't slam the door on our situation, i don't want us to be so angry at each other and i want us to be able to talk. he tells me to call him in 3 weeks. i ask him to call me in a few days when he's less angry. he hangs up. i feel so bad, so i call back a litle while later-he picks up the phone and i tell him i feel bad. he says if i felt bad i wouldn't have called. i tell him i feel like we won't ever speak again, he says if i ever call him back then he'll never talk to me again. he hangs up. i still think i left my wallet in his car, so i decide to wait an hour and call back and leave a message reminding him to check for it. i call back and get his mom. i ask her about my wallet first off, and she says that nobody found it and could i please not call the house anymore. she said it's just that it's been so constant. i am so embarrassed and upset i could die. that was on mon evening. for days i've been trying not to call, to understand that my calls are what made him so angry, to respect his wishes and leave him alone, but i want so bad to be on good terms with him. i miss him and love him and it hurts that he got so angry with me when i thought he loved me so much. i feel like i screwed up so bad, and that i should have handled the upper hand better when he wanted to get back together, and i still want to call and try to make up with him. i am hoping that he will call and reminding myself it's only been a couple of days and that he might call. i am afraid his mom amd him will think i'm crazy if i call, and change their # or something and i won't ever have a chance with him. his friends are friends with my roommate, so i am sure i will run into him someday but i miss him so bad, and now i am not sure if i should still move to boston. i gave up my apt b/c i thought we were moving in and now i am not allowed to call him. will he ever call? pls help me, i am trying so hard not to call but now it is the weekend and i will miss him the most.

[Heretic]

As much as you might call a bit too much (not from what I've heard from you though) but your bf is seriously abusive. This is not the way relationships work. You should not fight this much and when you do you should NEVER raise your voices in some kind of power struggle.

 

Find another guy, you can do better.

[coldplay8]

girl, you got to chill, you're almost scaring me with all that call talk...

 

i met a boy the other day and i liked him, he was cute, sweet and cool, and then the calling started... all the time, many times, at any time, "i want to see you all the time", etc. i bugged out. i'm sorry, but it's annoying. you feel like you can't make a move without having to report to this person.

 

you need to work on your confidence level and pride in yourself. you need to be able to hear, "please don't call me" and say to yourself, "fine. his loss. i'm done." it may be hard, but PLEASE, have some respect for yourself and stop. even if he doesn't really mean it, do you want someone who finds it so easy to play with your head?

 

i know it can be frustrating and heartbreaking when you love someone. you do things you never did before. the right person can drive you insane. but you need to step back and see what you're doing. calling him is doing NOTHING but driving him further away. you are in no way getting him to re-consider, or want to be just friends. you are just re-enforcing things in his head. i think the ONLY chance you have of regaining a friendship with him would be if you didn't call him for at least a month.

 

regarding your relationship, it sounds very shaky. he seems moody and not considerate of you. and it seems you are too willing to accept it all or make apologies. hey, i was there once a long time ago, and i will NEVER go back. that is no kinda relationship- up, down, up, down. it's miserable. no- do not move there. very bad idea. you don't pick up your life and move it for a very unstable relationship, especially now. walk away. realize that you are worth more and can find better.

[callaholic]

No, I do call too much. I call and then after we hang up I always call back with an "Oh, I forgot....." He has complained about it to me in the past a couple of times, and I try not to do it too much, but when we are arguing he always turns his phone off and it upsets me. I guess I drove him crazy, and I feel bad about it. But we had plans to move in together, and I thought he loved me. He is always telling me he wants me to have his children someday, and I thought we were working things out. I just wanted to talk about the relationship with him, b/c I was hurt when we changed our plan and I gave up my place for him. I wanted to be understanding but I also wanted to know that he loved me and that he would be there for me. Now I desperately want to call him and I am afraid I will make it worse. I am just hoping that he said all those things just out of anger and frustration and they will fade and then he will call. But I am really having trouble not calling him. I keep planning it and planning it....I feel like maybe I am a little crazy, and like I did something wrong, but he was so mad and I couldn't figure out why. I just want him to call. I don't want to forget about him.....

[michelemybell]

Whatever you do don't call him!! I was with my boyfriend for over a year and we were just about to move in together. I started calling him more often---just wanted to hear his voice and see what he was doing. Instead of telling me that I shouldn't call him so much, he just acted annoyed---so what did I do?? Like a fool I called him more because I started questioning our relationship and needed to talk to him--I just wanted him to tell me everything was okay and that he loved me. Instead, he just seemed more annoyed and didn't want to talk. He kept on saying that he wasn't sure if things were working out, but he wasn't sure ( I didn't understand that since everything was so perfect before!). I called even more--I got more upset and we started fighting a lot----then one day he said he didn't want to see me anymore. He told my friend that he got annoyed with me by all my calling and pestering him. Now I miss him terribly but he won't talk to me at all. It's been two months since we broke up--and we still haven't talked at all.

I wish I could take back the past (and he wasn't completely innocent himself, but I contributed a lot to our breakup as well), but all I can do now is pass on my experience. As much as you want to call him, try to do something that will distract you---go for a walk, take a bath, spill your guts out here, etc. Trust me, he will start to wonder more what you're up to and call you. I promise. Whenever I didn't call my ex is when he called me----unfortunately I didn't control myself that often. I wish I did. You are definitely not crazy, just a little insecure like I was. I wish I had more of a life where I didn't care. Make sure you don't make the same mistake!!

[natash24]

Hi, I just read your story and sounds a bit similar to mine. How old are you and your ex if you don't mind? I have been broken up from my boyfriend for 2 months now. He was the same way with me as your boyfrined was with you though less verbally abusive but then you two were doing everything over the phone. My ex was emotionally abusive and it took me reading this to realize it. Whenever I would cry or get upset he would get mad at me and act all annoyed and never comforted me. He was always so selfish and thought about himself first and did not have an ounce of empathy. we always got in fights where it seemed his opinions mattered more than mine and it drove me crazy. Some people like your ex and mine do not think about anyone except themselves and they are so selfish whenever they get upset they don't think about how someone else might be hurting even moreso than them. We would get into arguments and he would lock me out of his apartment refusing ot talk to me. The last straw was when he dumped me because I could have been pregnant and he was upset my doctors appointment would mess up a trip we planned to Hawaii and we broke up. He doesn't know this but I was really preganat and miscarried the next day. I still wonder if I should tell him. But my point is that life is too short to be sad all the time because you are stuck with someone who doesn't care about you. They care only when it is convenient but do you really want that? I know that it is hard and you miss him like crazy as I miss mine but try working on your life first .I am sure this expreience has made your self esteem kind of take a nosedive but you can get it back and be with someone who really loves you for the better person you can be and who does not take you for granted. Trust me you are not crazy, it's just certain people know how to push buttons and the ones that don't care to protect you and not push your buttons like your ex boyfriend did without any regard to you, you don't need them in your life. Hope this helps

[mashimaro]

hey

 

omgosh~ i was like that too..

ne ways..i know how u feel..he is abusive...why doesn't he listen to u for once..hMm..i suggest u to stop calling him..in my opinion i think hes sick of u calling him and all that...if u wan to make things up..den try to give him space..try not to call him much..maybe like 3time a week? if not once a day will be fine...if he hangs up on you den..i seriously think u should not call him bak..i mean..wth, why is he hangin up on u and hurt you like that..if he hang up on you..don't call him bak until he call u~ ...

why don't u try to play hard to get...i think he doens't like girls who plays hard to get..but u know him better so..don't over do it~ lil bit here and there..about u caling him and the way u talk to him..if he comes bak to you..u tell him how u felt..and how he hurt you..and ask him how he feels after u told him..

 

hope i helped

[Miss_Angel]

If you really must talk to this boy, I suggest you send a well thought out letter, after this has been sent, I suggest you leave him alone. I would have to agree with the others about the calling thing. I used to have a boyfriend that called me constantly--It drove me nuts! And now I have a bf that only calls me once a day and it still makes me edgy sometimes. You need to have respect for his wishes, as well as respect for yourself. Most boys don't like to be chased. I suggest you have more confidence in yourself and let the boys chase you for a while.

[callaholic]

i only held out for 4 days and then i made an idiot out of myself on fri, sat and sunday. on fri, he told me he didn't want to talk to me, didn't hate me, i shouldn't feel that peace hasn't been made, he just doesn't want to talk to me. i called on saturday with my wallet excuse and his mom had a 'chat' with me and explained to me like i was crazy that the relationship was over, he was trying to move on, i should to, she's sorry if he's sent me any mixed signals but what he told her was very clear - to ask me not to call anymore. she was nice, but i was mortified. i've never had someone's mother involved like that before and i was so embarrassed and hurt. i tried again on sunday, b/c i still can't believe that he was so nice after the other breakup, which i thought was worse and such a jerk this time. on sunday he said mebbe he would talk to me in a couple of weeks, but not a couple of hours and not a couple of days. i still miss him so much and wish he would realize what a jerk he's been and apologize. i also feel like i did something wrong since he is so mad and his mom lectured me, but my friends keep telling me that i really didn't do anything wrong, he was a jerk to me, mebbe i should have reacted with less phone but that he knows that i am upset and doesn't really think i'm crazy. it still sucks to miss someone that is being mean to you, and i still feel baffled that someone that loved me so much on a friday can tell me to never speak to them again by monday. i wish i didn't want him back, but i do and i will keep hoping that he will call. thank u everyone for being so nice and trying to help me...