clodhopper Posted March 20, 2005 Share Posted March 20, 2005 Hey guys, if anyone can give me their opinion please do!! thanks! Well I met this guy a couple weeks ago when I was downtown, gave him my number, we've talked several times on the phone in the last bit. Good conversation. Nice guy. Went out Friday night. On the way driving in his car he told me that he has a kid, which kinda took me off guard. I already knew he was older (he's 26 and I'm 19, almost 20) but I didn't know he had a kid. Anyway just wondering what everyone's thoughts on this situation is?? - Can age-gap relationships work? - What is it like to date someone that has a kid? anyone gone through this - do these situations tend to work out long-term or not? just worried about falling for him and getting mixed up in this situation which is kinda complicated... and i dont know how it would be longterm. but should i not be worrying about that now and jsut living in the moment?? HELP GUYS!!!!! Link to comment
Sn0man Posted March 20, 2005 Share Posted March 20, 2005 Well, as far as age gaps go, that's pretty minor. 6 years is really nothing you need to be worrying about, though some people are more comfortable dating closer to their own age. As far as the kid goes, how old is he/she? I dated a girl who was only a year older than me with 2 7 year old kids (didn't live with her though), and it was fine. Depends alot on the situation, meaning if he is the primary caregiver, age of the kid, your comfort level with the kid etc. etc. Only you can decide whether this is worth your while or not, but I wouldn't let it preclude a relationship, because sometimes having kids in the relationship can be alot of fun, and you'll get some first hand experience as to dealing with chikldren should you ever wish to have any. Link to comment
Beec Posted March 20, 2005 Share Posted March 20, 2005 I think it is up to you. The age gap is not "nothing" but in ten years, it will be nothing. A couple with this many years between them is nothing when in their 40s. And if it makes you happy, then why not? It may not be easy, and of coruse, there will be mroe complications, but it could be worth it. Link to comment
cleverme123 Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 Age not a problem, if you are going to engage in a relationship with someone that has a kid you better make sure you are ready to take responsibility for that kid. If things get serious or at last minute something happens figure that if he has to go get his kid he will. Yes it does work out, there can be issues, I married a man 11 years older than me who had 3 kids from 2 previous marriages. The oldest two were not a huge ordeal they lived away, he had one living with him. I also had two from my previous marriage. When kids are involved oyu have another parent, you have different situations and you can be limited to what you can and can't do. If you want it to work it can, but since you won't know how the kid was raised be prepared for him/her to act up around you and maybe have issues with the ex. Just forewarning you, but yes it can work. Basically decide if your ready to be a parent or not, and if not then it may not be the relationship for you. Link to comment
Prosper Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 It is better you just have a moment with him. He having kid, means you have to act like a mother sometimes, putting his kid before oneself. This is gonna to be real hard. You dun even know whether the child would accept you, or worse even misunderstood that you snatch his/her father from his/her mother. Yes. Such relationships do work out. It takes great patience and determination to work this out. For such cases, no risk no gain. If you can get the child to like you, you are on a high score. If you can get the guy to love you more than you do, you are on a high score too. There are lotsa of chances, but you need to be sharp enough to grab it and push some luck now and then, and change your focus to the next, kinda a baton race. For me, i wont date a guy like that. I am more like a kid than an adult sometimes, so no way. Link to comment
I_love_rain_hugs_and_you Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 It can work, but remember that if you are going to have a relationshp with him, you are going to have to have a relationship with his kid toO!!! Like it or not, you will be drawn into being a "mommy" to him (the kid, not your lover..though there are too many men out there whose girlfriend is thier mom..but anyway) and i don't think you are ready for that at age 19.......I recommend leaving him.....buts thats just my opinion.. Link to comment
sisterlynch Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 I would go slowly into this relationship. Ask him to define himself...ask him so many questions that he is caught off guard. Dont fall in love too quickly. Link to comment
clodhopper Posted March 24, 2005 Author Share Posted March 24, 2005 sisterlynch what do you mean "ask him to define himself... ask so many questions that he is caught off guard. don't fall in love too quickly" ?? someone asked how old the kid is -- he's 3 years old and lives with the mom. the guy goes to visit often but the kid doesn't live with him all the time. does that make any difference? make things any easier?? as for the kid liking me, i'm usually pretty good with kids, so i think if i were to be around at all while he was, it would be okay. i love kids, and i'm usually pretty good with them. i haven't gone out with him a second time yet... i saw him a couple days at the grocery store with his son (who is staying with him this week) and he said maybe we could hang out this week. that's the update. any more suggestions?? PLEASE - both success and failed stories appreciated --> just nervous cuz i've never been in this situation before! Link to comment
sisterlynch Posted March 26, 2005 Share Posted March 26, 2005 I just meant to be careful. If he has a kid, then he has a past that may look ok now, but it may be something to avoid in the future. That is just my idea, you don't need to follow it at all. Ask him to define himself is like -- is he presenting himself like a real individual, or does he seem like he is too good to be true? Remember that the way that you are feeling is your body's chemicals reacting to a new and different situation. Those chemicals will die down in a year or two. Not too romantic, am I?? You just may be swept up in something that is hard to handle. So go slowly. Don't give in to your emotions too quickly. I know that it isn't cool advice and not what you really wanted to hear... Link to comment
clodhopper Posted March 27, 2005 Author Share Posted March 27, 2005 Alright well I made the decision that I would go out with him again to get a better feeling of it would work out or not, or if we hit it off again. BUT I saw him Monday at the store... and haven't heard from him and it's now SUNDAY. So I'm thinking that he's just not interested. I'm pissed cuz we hit it off last time and had a great night. SO I'm kinda mad right now, and kinda down... at least I don't have to think about it anymore... but it sucks cuz I kinda decided that all the baggage would be worth it cuz he was a nice guy... apparently I was WRONG! Link to comment
clodhopper Posted March 28, 2005 Author Share Posted March 28, 2005 Yes I can call him. But I'm gonna feel like a huge idiot if he's not interested anymore and that's the reason he hasn't called. And I won't really know that for sure if I call him. That's why I was hoping he would show his interest by calling me. If I do call him, he could very well seem like he's interested and stuff, but I won't know if it's genuine. Do you know what I mean?? Link to comment
sisterlynch Posted March 28, 2005 Share Posted March 28, 2005 What attracted you to him in the first place? How did you and he meet? Link to comment
clodhopper Posted March 28, 2005 Author Share Posted March 28, 2005 We met downtown, which I know sounds sketchy (I thought so too!) but he called me a couple days later and we talked several times on the phone, like 4 or 5, and it went really well. Then we went out a week ago last Friday and it was awesome. And when I saw him at the store with his kid he seemed really happy to see me, and wanted to make plans to hang out again. What attracted me to him in the first place?? Well he was a nice guy that came over to talk to me, and he was cute. On the phone I got to know him a bit more and he seemed really nice. And when we went out, he was a real gentleman, really sweet, and we had a lot of fun! Link to comment
sisterlynch Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 He isn't married or anything? How old is he? How old is the kid? Link to comment
clodhopper Posted March 29, 2005 Author Share Posted March 29, 2005 No he isn't married. His girlfriend and him broke up before they even knew she was pregnant. When they found out they tried to make it work, but they couldn't and soon broke up again. The kid is 3 and the guy is 26. Link to comment
SilverManic Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 My best friend has been going out with a guy who is 34 right now for a year. He has a 3 year old daughter and they have a perfectly fine relationship. She is the same age as me... Good luck, ~S. Link to comment
sisterlynch Posted March 31, 2005 Share Posted March 31, 2005 I would consider him single. He probably has very few emotional ties with the mom of the child. The child is young enough to be ok with the dad dating and all. Don't let the child hold you back from a nice guy. Link to comment
clodhopper Posted April 1, 2005 Author Share Posted April 1, 2005 Well it's been 2 weeks since the date... so I'm giving up. Link to comment
sisterlynch Posted April 2, 2005 Share Posted April 2, 2005 I think that you should call, just say how is it going and when are you and he going to get together. That will force him to give you some kind of a reason for him backing off. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted April 6, 2005 Share Posted April 6, 2005 Hey clod, Sorry he never called back... but hey, as Jack Berger says, "he's just not that into you!" (I'm a big fan of Sex in the City too.) Link to comment
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