Sick Of It All!!!

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

when you see a woman you find attractive, can you try "reframing" things in your head? Like, instead of thinking 'oh she is so hot! why is she talking to me?" Think, "I am on a train, I'm bored, I just want to talk to someone for a few minutes until my stop."

 

How are you with talking to girls you don't find attractive. Perhaps, you can "practice" on them for a while, to help you with your self-confidence.

Well, yesterday something happened to me. I was in a supermarket getting Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream, but a friend of mine who works there made some funny comment. I said something funny to him, I don't remember what is was, but while this happened his coworker (a girl I find attractive and who I see occasionally there) walked by us and she smiled and I smiled back, no big deal and I didn't think much of it... I guess I was so focused on chocolate chip cookie dough and I had to reassemble the stacks of ice cream to find the lone one all the way in the back... anyway, about a minute later, as I reached into the freezer for the ice cream, the girl who smiled at me came up to me and joked about my comment and we had a mini micro tit-for-tat of jokes about the ice cream. Now during this time I did not think about her being a pretty woman talking to me... but I noticed that I was somewhat rocking back and forth and shaking my head yes or no (which I do when I get nervous) and I felt my face getting flushed, even with the freezer door still open. So it must be subconscious because only after the fact that I question why she went out of her way to talk to me.

 

As for talking to girls I don't find particularly attractive, I still have a lot of shyness there but because I am not afraid of exposing my feelings of attraction, it's not as intimidating. But I am painfully shy anyway, it's just that it's increased tenfold with women I find attractive.

[ShySoul]

Kyo,

 

See you can converse with people you find attractive. Yes, you still got nervous but you were able to talk, smile and make jokes. That's great. When you aren't constantly focused on her being attractive you can talk to girls. You have posted several examples of girls taking notice of you. Clearly you are not unattractive or ugly. I really think if you just stop worrying about this you will be fine. I know its hard. Hey, it's hard for me. No, its hard for probably everyone. But it can be done. You seem to have everything a girl could want and girls are taking notice. You just need to see that. Keep thinking about little things like this ice cream conversation. It will boost your confidence and I'm sure it happens more than you think.

 

And you like chocolate chip cookie dough. You've got good taste.

[Ceema-k]

holy crap, that is AWESOME!!

 

Do you realize what you just did?! You took advantage of yet another opportunity and actually chatted up a girl! And here you were saying you couldn't do it. Who cares if you were nervous or getting flush. It happens to everyone! Wow!

 

You may not have anyone in your life to really commend you or appreciate what you just achieved.... so at bare minimum you should be giving yourself a great big pat on the back for a job well done.

 

So how does it feel Kyoshiro? doesn't this feel so much better than feeling regret and feeling like you can't change anything?

[Caldus]

Yeah I was thinking the same thing. Why are you still bashing yourself for that? I mean heck you have to start somewhere with this. I am still very shy around women I really like (never shy around anyone else) but at least I still gather enough courage to talk to her at some point. You just have to get rid of that feeling of regret in your mind and just talk to her. Put yourself out there and see how it goes you know? Seems like you already did it without even realizing it. See now you can't say that every girl thinks you're ugly. I don't even know if it's possilble that every single girl will think that one particular guy is ugly. Seriously. Anyway, yeah, good work there Kyo. It takes time to get used to this.

[BCBoy81]

gentle, kind, intelligent, funny and good-hearted.... HAH.

 

I'm all of those and yet I'm in the same boat as Kyoshiro. I don't know what it is!! I've never had an instance where a total stranger has walked up to me and started chatting.... and I work at a Grocery Store!! Oh sure, I get the usual 35+ or 40+ year old women chatting me up and I have no problems chatting with them or making them laugh beyond belief. Sense of humour second to none right here, baby.

 

From my experience, women want crass, obnoxious, rich party animals with no future. Why? Because "they are more fun".

 

And it's really hard to argue with that one. How could you respond to that? "C'mon baby, responsibility is cool!"

[mjctraider]

I'm in the same boat as Kyoshiro Ogari. I'm 27 and never had a girlfriend, never been kissed, never kissed a girl and I've had dates, but they never lead to a second date. And 99% of the girls I like they either have boyfriend, married or are not interested in me. So I know hjow he feels bout wanting just 1 girlfriend. That's my only wish before I die, is that I meet a girl that likes me and I like her and we both are single. For me it seems to happen every 6 years and it's that time of the year again.

 

 

There is a girl I like and I'm determined to ask for her phone number. I think she might like me, but I'm not 100% sure of the signs she gives, but she could be the one girl that comes around every 6 years that likes me and I like her, but I havbe a 1% chance of that happening, lol. Kyoshiro Ogari I'm not gonna say you will find her just be patient, but if I could give you some advice I'd say if you have an opportunity to ask a girl out you think might be interested in you take that opportunity, because you could be missing out on something great

 

I like to think and I try to keep this in mind "IF it's meant to be then it will be", but like Kyoshiro Ogari my patience is wearing thin to. I'm tired of getting "let's just be friends" or "you'll meet a girl just be patient" And the "whole you are trying too hard" I don't get that when I'm hardly trying at all in trying to find someone I am compatible with and might have a great relationship with.

 

But like I said if you have an opportunity, go for it, don't let her get away or you'll regret it. I know I have plenty of times. I've had so many missed opportunities, until now I think. After seeing so many couples at work holding hands and shopping together, etc. I said to myself, "I want that." And now with this one girl I like who might like me depending on the signs she gives me, which I always mess up, I'm determined with only 8 classes left before the college semester is over to walk up to her talk to her and ask her for her phone number. I will do this and I will not let anyone get in my way, unless of course she has a boyfriend, lol.

 

Anyway I know how you feel Kyoshiro Ogari I've been single for at least 12 years or so and I wish you the best of luck and if you see a girl that you think likes you and you like her. Find the courage like I have now and talk to her. Goodluck.

[Ceema-k]

I'd like to think Kyoshiro hasn't posted back on this topic because he's had an epiphany and is too busy macking on ladies to check back on the forums.

 

I say, you go boy!

[Caldus]

I'd like to think Kyoshiro hasn't posted back on this topic because he's had an epiphany and is too busy macking on ladies to check back on the forums.

 

I say, you go boy!

 

Yeah I bet!

[nabi_met81]

Hi there!

first of all i live in iran a place that the relations bitween women and men are limited and nowdays the only place i meet girls and maybe have conversation with them is university

i have the same problem here but there are few problems i encounter;

1 - even i am 22 years but i live with my parents thus there is no other way for me and all youngs in iran are the same way

2 - girls in iran mostly don't want to try many friends and if they find a boy to chat they never like to end even if they don't seem that happy, they keep they virgin till they marry cause of religional beliefs

3 - i am not quit attractive!

4 - and i don't now what to ask the girls, parents in iran limit the girls from going lonly out and there is no club or places of having fun i can't even bring my girlfriend to home.

one of my majur aim is just run from this god damn country and go other countries such us uk or canada or australia

I am atheist and any girl i say that try to go away from me.

I also was known as an expectional talent during my highschool and bforthat but since i entered uni and found that the girls i want are not available! here i got such depressed that i failed to semmesters and i am now studing undergraduate mechanical engineering that it has no girl classmates!

and that makes me even worse

it seems for me there is no way for me to find any girls that would really love me,

even i found this post whil searching the keyword no girl loves me!

I would be glad if anyone could help me here or if thinks it is out of subject contact me on yahoo id and mail: email removed

finally sorry for any mistakes that i may have since english is not my mothe tongue.

with best wishes for u