Sick Of It All!!!

[djedix]

If all you do is constanty think about wanting a g/f, wanting to be with someone, freaking out cuz your not with anyone, going nutz.... just relax.. they come in time! they come from no where too. Don't obsess, i don't think they like that much....... Just take advantage of being alone, and get out and meet people... you never know who your going to meet

 

You just gotta be you. And when your yourself (HAPPY with yourself), they WILL see that, and fall inlove/like you/go out with you/use you for rides/ whatever it is LOL

 

If your a raging lunatic, well... i dunno some of them like that.. j/k

[PAdreamer]

Hmmm... Alright I can understand the dilemma here... I've never gone TOO long without a boyfriend, but I do remember what it can feel like when you feel alone. Hun, what you need to do is start to find ways of branching out that are NOT directly related to relationships. For example, take a theater class somewhere! Something that's outside your comfort zone that will force you to stretch yourself. Something non-threatening. And then, as you start to become more comfortable, stretch yourself a little more. But only in areas that don't involve dating relationships.

 

Then, the more comfortable you become in other areas, the more comfortable you will become with yourself in general. Just take small steps towards the goal. I think you're right- many posts you've made have been related to your difficulties resulting from being so shy. I would say that battling your shy demeanor would be a good first step to finding a relationship! And also keep in mind that relationships are VERY much about stepping outside of your comfort zone. Better to prepare NOW than to get into a relationship and be caught off guard!

[Shidoshi]

Quote:

Quote:

speaking from personal experience, ive always found a BF when i least expected it.

 

Hmm...wonder how that happened. j/k

 

 

am i missing something?

lol...nothing, I saw your name and just decided to poke fun. Cut me some slack, I had the flu....

[Ydas]

Just wondering ... you mention humor a lot. I've noticed that when you're first meeting a woman humor isn't always the best approach, it depends on the type of course, but in general they either want maturity or toughness or confidence, and "zany humor" or wackiness doesn't quite fit in. At first, humor should be very reserved or ... what's a better word, nonchalant, if you make a joke it should be because your so indifferent to the subject of your joke and so hardcore that you just say it because you could totatly flip out and beat whatever it is up.

 

Women love that...

 

Once you get a date, that's when you want to make them laugh.

 

Maybe try toning the humor down and work more towards being like the guys in the old movies, always scowling and totatly ready to get in a fist fight.

[al7]

1. I've prayed to God since I was 15 for a girlfriend, SINCE I WAS 15 YEARS!!!

 

2. All I want is 1 girlfriend, I am not being selfish! I haven't had anything.

 

3. I know I am supposed to make things happen, but when I begin to make some sort of effort, it turns out every damn time that these women have boyfriends.

 

4. Or is that a coverup so they don't have to go out with me.

 

5. What the hell have I done to deserve this B.S.!

 

6. I am a very patient person, but now my patience HAS REACHED IT'S END!

 

 

1. If 17 years of praying didn't help much, maybe it is not enough?

 

2. I don't think God overlook this situation and is trying to share all girlfriends on the earth FAIRLY to all men. I don't think God is distributes girlfriends at all.

 

3. Could be. Start looking for women who do not have boyfriends.

 

4. Could be, but you don't care if it is coverup or not. It doesn matter.

 

5. Didn't approached enough girls... didn't develop social skills. I guess it is a long enough list.

 

6. Believe me, girls do not care if you lose patience or not. So better try a different approach to dating, ok.

Have you heard of fast dating? Onlind dating? Have you tried it before you are going to explode?

You are saying like if you explored all dating options already.

[al7]

1. *where do you meet them?

Mostly at the job, occasionally through friends

 

2. *how is your personal hygiene?

Clean as a whistle. I brush after every meal, I shower every day, stuff like that.

 

1. Man... you ran out of dates at work and are angry about that????

I don't have any females at work at all.

You simple should forget about your work and try new places.

 

2. What a good question really is how you dress?

For a date? or when you are about to meet some girl?

Sweatpants would make any girl sick right away....

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

What a good question really is how you dress?

For a date? or when you are about to meet some girl?

Sweatpants would make any girl sick right away....

Never been on a date ever, or had a situation where I'm "about to meet someone."

[al7]

What a good question really is how you dress?

For a date? or when you are about to meet some girl?

Sweatpants would make any girl sick right away....

Never been on a date ever, or had a situation where I'm "about to meet someone."

 

ok, when you ask women out how are you dressed?

You gotta be dressed nice! Dont expect her say "yes" if you wear sneakers and sweatpants.

[annie24]

Kyoshiro - I don't accept your answers. I don't think it's because of your looks. I don't know what you look like, all I know is that there are plenty of ugly, mean people who are married, or have dates, or who have both!

 

Now, you are in New York city. I've never been there, but I've heard from many women, and from watching Sex and the City, that there are far more single women there than men.

 

I know this may be expensive, but have you considered hiring a "lifestyle coach?" It may be worth it - have someone evalulate you, try to help you improve, introduce you to people. Perhaps help you with your conversation/introduction skills. I think you should look into it.

 

You seem so funny and sweet! I bet --- no... I KNOW that there are tons of women who are looking for a guy like you. Now, we just have to help you find your way to them!!!

[al7]

Kyoshiro - I don't accept your answers. I don't think it's because of your looks.

 

I've heard from many women, and from watching Sex and the City, that there are far more single women there than men.

 

1. Annie, he figured out all women he knows (at his work, friends) are taken and thats it.

I don't understand why to not look at pther places? At other women he doesnt know yet?

 

2. Statistics says 78 single women vs 100 single men.

link removed

 

But it is tricky: women live significantly longer so there are singlnificantly more single women in older age group (men simply have died out) than say on 25-35 age group.

For NY in people over 65, there is 7.2% women over 4.5% men.

 

link removed

[LaSirena]

annie24 is absolutely (although inexplicably) correct: plenty of "ugly, mean" people are married or dating. I'm an attractive, kind woman and I couldn't get a date if I put a gun to a guy's head.

 

There's no hard and fast rules about who can and who can not get dates. It's basically a crap shoot. I've seen some absolutely horrendous women (physically and/or personality-wise) have men all over them. All you can do is try to get the odds in your favor, and who knows whether such things as fate, karma and astrological timing has anything to do with it? Believe me, I've considered everything possible to understand why I'm sitting home alone night after night.

 

According to 2000 year old mystics, there is a soulmate for each and every human on earth. And, according to this belief system, its imperative for your happiness and the growth of your soul to find this person. Karma can be an obstacle to finding this person, given that reincarnation is also a given. If you're more highly evolved spirtually than your soulmate, or if they find you and lose you through their own bad decisions or behaviour, you're not sentenced to a life of loneliness. You are, in effect, "loaned" to another person who has been separated from their soulmate so that neither of you has to be alone. So, if Kyoshiro Ogari has been praying to God regarding this situation, he may take some comfort in the fact that God intends no one to be alone.

 

Just my theoretical two cents. I mean, if it helps you get from one day to the next, and thus closer to THE day when you'll meet someone you've been looking for for a long time, then it's all to the good. It may all be a question of simply waiting it out...

[al7]

1. plenty of "ugly, mean" people are married or dating.

 

2. I'm an attractive, kind woman and I couldn't get a date if I put a gun to a guy's head.

 

3. There's no hard and fast rules about who can and who can not get dates. It's basically a crap shoot. I've seen some absolutely horrendous women (physically and/or personality-wise) have men all over them.

 

4. Believe me, I've considered everything possible to understand why I'm sitting home alone night after night.

 

5. Karma can be an obstacle to finding this person

 

6. So, if Kyoshiro Ogari has been praying to God regarding this situation, he may take some comfort in the fact that God intends no one to be alone.

 

1. I personally would not jump to conclusions. The question whom are they dating or got married to?

 

2. If you are sure about it, there should be a clear reason behind it. Right? What is your opinion about it, what it might be? Hint: is it something about you.

 

3. Interesting.. if you knew them well, maybe you can shre the recipe of "How to get a man while being horrendous kinda gal"?

 

4. Oh it is so easy to answer.. really. Much easier than you think it could be.

 

5. Well.. the term Karma comes from Indian philosophy. There, in India they thought of Karma not only as of somthing abstract, that has nothing

to do with real world things. They still have a system of social casts, that assigns more value to an individul according to his social stratum directly.

We also have a social system, but the difference is that we do not call it directly "cast system" and do not say directly who has more values.

 

6. My opinion he simply does not want to get out of his comfort zone of co-workers and friends (he didn't try to ask out anyone besidesthis tiny circle). Let think about it: you look at all you friends\coworkers and see no dating material, what would you do? Right, you expand this circle somehow. Kyoshiro simply doesn't want to do it as if he cannot.

[LaSirena]

Well, al7, your posts are guaranteed to get the blood circulating in the brain!

 

First, why do I think I have such problems getting dates? You're right, it is something about me. I believe that they believe that I'm too much "work." A lot of men want someone "low maintenance," which means that they can pretty much behave as they like and still end up in bed with a woman when the sun goes down. I expect a little more from a man than dinner and sex and they're not willing to put forth the effort. They make that assumption from the get-go. I guess I really shouldn't be complaining because it saves me a lot of unhappiness in the long run. I just spend a helluva lot of time alone waiting for that one man in dozens who think I'm worth it.

 

Your suggestion that Kyoshiro Ogari look outside his work for dates is essential. I know that some people date co-workers or meet their spouses on the job, but I've never been in a work situation where I met anyone I was interested in, or who was interested in me. I've had better luck in laundromats (yes, that's for real) or on the beach than any place I've ever worked. Now I work with all married women and it's a complete wasteland. But even when I was the only woman in an entire office, all the men were married or seriously dating anyway. I can't win for losing when it comes to office romance!

 

I'm wondering, too, if he's approaching women who are gorgeous and who, thereforeeee, will tend to be disinterested in anyone who isn't at their own level of attractiveness and are, in their eyes, "ugly." Everything is relative. In their world, perhaps he is as ugly as he portrays himself...but perhaps in the broader view, he's no better or worse than anyone else.

[al7]

1. Well..I hope your blood pressure is still within limits

2. It could be. Although one of potential problems associated with it is still not about men but about you.

Look at this this way: basically you choose men who you are going to go on a date with. So, somehow you select men who tend to have that carefree quality and want low maintanence woman.

Now who could be these men: a) some guys who do not care at all about anything..it is unlikely you chose them obviously. Though if he is a cool, handsome bad boy why not.. right?

b) Men who have resources more than average men do.

This type of men has plenty of looks\money, which in a twist way tells them they do not need to do anything more: they brought money and have looks.

Those are just two potential answers.

 

3. Well, if you choose a guy who is actually a prince.. he is not going to spend much time on you. He is prince right?

Something that you say .. reminds me you are looking for a prince:

lot of time alone waiting for that one man".

A prince is some sort of ideal guy, and ideal guys always starts with good looks\good income. If you go for this type sure you have to be ready for sacrifices: he is not going to devote much of his time to relationship, since resources makes him... well.. too confident?

 

4. Just note how funny: he didn't reply to a single post when we (or somebody else) was advising him to get out and look outside his usual circle of people he knows. He is quiet when it comes to a common sense advice. Which makes me think he is very happy with this situation for some reason: as you said, women require more than just dinners.

Somthing stops him from doing more productive dating step.

 

5. Really? I have never been in one, I guess I should try this place

 

6. Good point! He should not ask models out if he feels is not one.

[LaSirena]

8)

 

The thing about hanging around in a laundromat is that, with few exceptions, just about everyone there on a weekend doing their laundry is single. Married/cohabiting couples usually have washer/dryers because they have the income to buy one or rent an apartment which provides one. And people with a bf/gf are not going to be wasting their weekend doing laundry. Single people tend (for the most part, in the area I live in) have fewer disposable dollars for such luxuries and end up taking their laundry out once a week, usually on the weekend because they're free. Ergo, you get a lot of single people with a lot of time on their hands all in one place. It can work!

 

Well, a7, if you were talking about many other women besides me, you may be correct in your theory that I sabotage myself by choosing men who are "princes." Because, to me, being a prince has little or nothing to do with looks or income. While I can appreciate good looks (I'm neither blind nor dead), they don't mean that much to me. Frankly, the better looking a man is, the more likely it is that he has an "attitude." And looks don't translate automatically into: gentle, kind, intelligent, funny and good-hearted. Likewise, how much $$$ a man makes is almost entirely irrelevant to me as long as he is financially stable (employed, not drowning in debt or squandering money on luxuries he can't really afford).

 

Honestly, I've never dated men who were handsome and had a good income. Most of them were quite ordinary in appearance. A few were even homely. And money? Few were making more than I am, and some were paying child support on top of it all. They were all nice guys, but they were also weak, because when push came to shove, they were too insecure and frightened to be with me even though they were the ones pushing so hard for exclusivity and marriage in the first place. I think, if anything, I tend to choose weak men because they are the ones most likely to exhibit those characteristics of gentleness, kindness and intelligence. Other men may be many of those things, but tend to hide it more. Now that I know that "nice" may actually be "weak," I can work on the choices that I make.

 

Wow! All those comments and scenarios that you proposed made me really think, and now I see some of the reasons I've had so many lousy relationships! Thank you!

 

But, not to hijack this thread, I agree that there is definitely a silence from Kyoshiro Ogari when it comes to common sense advice. And I have seen more and more posts of his which mention his attraction to extremely good looking women, (he describes one as being someone who makes heads turn, etc.) which leads me to believe that he ignores average-looking or simply attractive women in favor of those who are top drawer. In which case he's focusing on a small minority of women who probably won't give 50% of men the time of day. That's a small pool to fish in, especially if you don't have the perfect bait!

[al7]

1. Very interesting. Here in my suburban area practically all apartments have washer\dryer. As a resut I have not seen many laundromats here. Maybe you live in a city?

Then it could be different.

 

2. Certainly so.

 

3. Very true. But as some people note, isn't that bad boy "attitude" attractive?

 

4. Oh. That is quite interesting.. you make quite a lot, but tend to be attracted to nice (weak gentle) men? If it is true, then the answer is obvious why "when push came to shove, they were too insecure and frightened to be with". I'll PM you, since It is beyond the topic...

 

5. My experience says: it makes sense, BUT it is not the true reason.

There is something more powerful, more attractive for you in those men

you chose to date. I guess I know what it is.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

I realized today that it's all my fault. I'm waaaay too shy, and I'm too bitter that love isn't handed to me on a silver platter. Am I wrong? Yes. Am I justified to feel this way? Yes. Nothing is fair, but I feel I can complain about something I do not have. I want to have a girl start a conversation with me and then see where it goes, because I am to chicken to do so myself. I am unrealistic... and stupid!

 

Today, I was on a train, standing in front of a cute girl. I was listening to my walkman, actually in my own world as I was listening to Black Sabbath's "Iron Man" and reminiscing about the good old days of wrestling with The Road Warriors... anyway, the girl took out one of those individually wrapped chocolate cherries from a bag she was carrying and out of the blue she asked me if I wanted one!

 

Bingo! A conversation starter! I can take the chocolate, talk about cherries dipped in chocolate being the greatest invention since peanut butter and jelly in the same jar, make her laugh, maybe ask for her number and let nature take it's course.

 

But what did I do? I was so startled that she even looked at me, much less talked to me that I shook my head, smiled and said no thank you, and kept my head down for the rest of the ride. Now thankfully, she was about a minute away from getting off the train, so I wouldn'tve had time for a deep intellectual conversation, but I should've said something else. She got off the train and smiled and I was so tempted to follow her, but the reason I didn't... I don't know. I am still trying to figure that out.

 

I had a very interesting day today involving several beautiful women, yet my confidence and shyness are the same as it always was: zilch! Maybe tomorrow when the sun comes up and I go about my way to work, I will smile at a cute girl. But knowing me, I'll spend the entire day analyzing the previous events and subconsciously tell myself that I had no chance.

 

In other words, I'm a nutjob.

[MetallicAguy]

Well I hope this helps but, ya need to stop thinking of women as goddesses. There not going to bite if you talk to them. Now I'm also shy too, but once you talk to them after a while you realize it's as easy as talking to a friend of yours. And girls rarely want the guy to NOT make the move, and them do it themselves. 90% of the time the girl wants YOU to make the move. So next time this happens? Suck it up and just let things flow, don't worry, don't think about what to say, just talk to the girl. lol.

[al7]

1. I realized today that it's all my fault. I'm waaaay too shy, and I'm too bitter

 

2. Today, I was on a train, standing in front of a cute girl. the girl took out one of those individually wrapped chocolate cherries from a bag she was carrying and out of the blue she asked me if I wanted one!

 

But what did I do? I was so startled that she even looked at me, much less talked to me that I shook my head, smiled and said no thank you,

 

 

1. It is not enough just to "realize"... what have you done after this realization? Any steps?

 

2. yeah it was nice...well I don't blame you, it is easy to get confused if you are not confident enough.

You lost this chance.. and that ok. Start working on creating some more chances. Try online dating. Expand your circle of people you know (if you can). Go to some parties (if you can).

.....And report the results

[jaiva]

I believe if all you focus on is trying to get a gf or just a girl/woman to notice you it will never happen. I believe you have to learn about yourself first. Do a little soul searching and be content with what you have instead of focusing on the negative. Pray for self happiness and completion not just that you find a girl. Once you do all those things you won't feel like you need a girl and then you'll have one.

 

Hope I helped.

 

Jaiva

[Ceema-k]

I read your latest post, Kyoshiro, and I'm glad you recognized how you blew your chance to chat up a nice girl on the train.

 

In all seriousness.. have you thought about seeing a counselor? Two of my close friends have had sessions with counselors and it has done wonders for them. They are just regular guys with normal problems. Sometimes you just need a professional ear and an outlet to really vent your inner thoughts and put your problems out all on the table.

[MetallicAguy]

Hell, you don't even need a counselor, a little motivation and confidence (at least an ounce of it) will help you talk to a girl if your that shy.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Hell, you don't even need a counselor, a little motivation and confidence (at least an ounce of it) will help you talk to a girl if your that shy.

Sorry MetallicAguy, but it's not that easy, not by a longshot. I've been given plenty of motivation but I cannot approach a girl I like. It is more than that. I cannot imagine a girl liking me romantically, no matter how funny I am. I feel that eventually I will be a sideshow clown or something, and they'll seek someone who suits them better. Perfect example, there are days when I will psyche myself out and try to ask a girl out, or just introduce myself. But as soon as I see her, I get nervous and run away.

 

Caligynephobia - An abnormal and persistent fear of beautiful women

 

This is a true phobia, and I have it. It prevents me from showing a woman I find attractive that I have an interest in her. It makes my heart beat faster, my face red, my eyes water. I am normally shy with other girls, actually people in general, but if I have a crush on a girl, just looking into her eyes is a hurdle for me.

[annie24]

It is more than that. I cannot imagine a girl liking me romantically, no matter how funny I am.

 

I think that this is your problem. How can anyone love you if you don't love yourself? you seem like a nice, sweet, stable guy. I know that there are millions of women looking for a guy like you, even if you don't believe it. I bet you have tons of great qualities. What are they? You have to believe in yourself first. Others sense it, and then they are attracted to you. Self-confidence is sexy.

[annie24]

when you see a woman you find attractive, can you try "reframing" things in your head? Like, instead of thinking 'oh she is so hot! why is she talking to me?" Think, "I am on a train, I'm bored, I just want to talk to someone for a few minutes until my stop."

 

How are you with talking to girls you don't find attractive. Perhaps, you can "practice" on them for a while, to help you with your self-confidence.