We are going out tomorrow night (6th) HELP!!

[David83]

Alot of you will probably have read my other topics and know what i am going through, but to cut a long story short for those who havent heres what has happened:

 

READ THIS TO FIND OUT.....if you already know skipt 2 paragraphs

 

Me and my girlfriend of 2 1/2 years broke up over a month ago, we were engadged after the first year, we broke up as we decided that something was missing from our relationship, she wanted time, so i didnt contact her for a month, even though it killed me to do this i did, i called her after a month had passed, and we talked aboput things, i told her my feelings and that i still loved her and missed her, she told me that she THINKS that she loves me as a friend now, but it all went pear shaped in our relationship when she got her new job and she started to get friends, because before her job i was her only real friend, she started going out with them on the night time and things, when i gladly stayed home and let her do her thing, i believe her truly when she says that she has not been with anyone else, because i trust her with my life.

 

We contact each other still via phone calls and text messages, something that we couldnt do in the month with no contact and i am happy that i can now contact her, its been a long time since we saw each other, so people keep saying to me that when she says that she THINKS she loves me as friend isnt true, its just because she hasnt seen me for so long.

 

NOW FOR WHY I NEED HELP!

 

She sent me a message today telling me that she is going out to a rock club that we used to go to all the time, she is going with her new friend Katrina from work, ive never met her before, because she would never invite me out with her friends before, and she asked if i would like to go with them and for me to bring some friends too.

 

I have been waiting for this moment for over a month, just a chance to see her again, we are just going out as friends, and se what develops over time, but i would love something to happen, im not gonna force anyting on her or ask her awkward questions, just go with the flow, act like im not phazed by it, and just treat her asi normally did, buying her drinks and asking her to dance, but the thing is, this club is the place hwere we announced our engadgment to everyone, and alot of sentimental songs get played there that we used to listen to together, and i hope i dont get upset. i dont mean this in a nasty way but i really do hope she gets upset, becaause i know that these songs will still mean something to her!

 

So can any of you give me any advice? whati should and shouldnt do? ide love your help you have all been her for me in the past? should i try the old "try to make her jealous" thing, by talking to some girls? or is this a bad idea, because i dont think im that kind of person, i just want her to know how much i carefor her and how much i love her without actually saying it to her??

 

Thanks, as you can tell she is my life, im not the same without her, and i am very heppy with the way our friendship is at thre minute, but i dont want to do something that will spoil this friendship, i want her back in my life as more than a friend, and i have feeling this will happen, but not at the minute, so your help would be appreciated!

[bzborow1]

Firstly, the trying to make her jealous won't work. First off, women can essentially get laid within 1 day of them planning to do so, so you'll lose, and second, she'll hate you because of it. It's really immature. If you're going to go out with her, you've just got to be cool, don't try and press anything...just let her find you again.

 

I got a line that would be cool to use.

 

", you know you've got a friend in me. But I can't think of you as a friend. You know I could fall in love again with a girl like you."

 

and walk away for a bit, dancing with some ppl, i dunno.

 

 

[David83]

Thanks but i dont think that line would work, as ive already told her that i will always love her as more than just a friend, but thanks anyway.

 

So you think i should just play it cool, act normal, talk to her, buy her a drink, ask her if she would like to dance, these may bring back some memories for her, specially as its the place we always used to go together. yeah i wasnt gonna try the jealousy thing anyway, im not the kind of person to do that, i love her so much, i just want her to realise this without jepordising our friendship, i truly feel that we will be together again sometime, but its gonna take time.

 

Anyone else got any ideas???

[coldplay8]

this is a girl speaking and i was in her position a few months ago...

 

be cool, be yourself. take your lead from her. don't overwhelm her. hang back, talk to your friends, talk to her friends...

 

you don't want to swarm her with attention. i know it is hard but try to treat her as you would just a friend. that's what you are at this point in time. once she sees she can trust you with the friend thing, you may have more chances to start hanging again.

 

i'd say, if another girl talks to you, go ahead. don't obviously try to go out and talk to other girls right in front of her. but she has said you're friends now and if that's true, than show her that you feel the same (even if you know that you want to be with her). seeing you talk to someone else might just make her realize she's still cares at least a little. i'm not saying to play games, but don't look like a sad puppy dog either. and if a sentimental song comes on- i know it's hard- fight it!

 

good luck

[David83]

Yeah i will try my best to fight it, but if i cant i will just say im popping to the toilet or something till the song has finished! i really love her more than anything in the world, and ive lost her as my girlfriend and im scared of losing her as a friend, if we can stay friends then we will defintly have a chance, because i dont believe that true love ever dies and nothing is for definate until there has been a second chance!

 

I will play it cool, be myself, be the person who i was when we first met, im even gonna wear some of the clothes that i wore when we first met? is this a good idea? and im gonna wear the necklace she baught me when we first met, ive never taken it off so im not going to now!, i just hope that something clicks inside her and realises how good we were together, she was and still is my life and will never be the same until she is back in my life as more than a friend, i miss of thr things we used to do together and the things that we had planned.

 

And as i saiod before i will be happy if she did get upset, at least ide know she still had feelings, but i dont mean it in a nasty way so i hope none of you think i am a nasty person for thinking this!

 

So coldplay8, if you were in here position a few months ago, what happened? did you have a good time and are you both still talking?

[brandos lovechild]

no you aren't a nasty person in the slightest . i wouldn't suggest wearing your old clothes you wore when with her . perhaps you could put that necklace away for this particular night. If she sees in any way that you are trying to create some nostalgia,she might take it as a weakness of yours and that will not gain you her respect. I'm sorry to be harsh bro, but i don't think your ex is gonna see you in a different light if you start buying her drinks,asking her to dance...she'll think you are still under her spell and that isn't good for your chances of reconcilliation ! don't be so quick to disregard the magic of jealousy, be polite to her and make her laugh certainly..but if there is an opportunity to chat with another girl...YOU TAKE IT...not just to make her jealous,but because you could be meeting a future gf. BASICALLY, try and take your mind off of her for the night, if she flirts with other guys then that is her perogative as a single girl..but as a single guy , you do the same ! IF SHE WANTS YOU...SHE BROKE UP WITH YOU...SO SHE CAN COME AND GET YOU! good luck bro 8)

[foolish]

I did the same thing when my ex and I broke up for a month of our 4 year relationship. I invited him and his buddies to go to a bar with me and my friends. Well the reason being was so I can see how he would act around other women. Would he flirt? Would he just talk to me? It's just a test on him. She might be doing it to you. Well we ended up hearing our song and it really brought us together. I couldn't hold out and I had to talk to him cuz I loved him. If it was meant to be then it's meant to be. Our relationship ended a year later cuz of his drinking problems so don't let this interfere with what I'm trying to get at. If things don't work out as well as you planned then don't worry. There are so many women out there. good luck and PM me if ya need to .

[David83]

Thanks Brando!

 

Yeah i think i will scrap the wearing the clothes part, of course i will wear clothes but not the ones i mean lol

But im definatly gonna wear the necklace though, it means alot to me, and i only jst had it fixed because it snapped the other week, plus one thing im gonna be looking for is, a couple of days before we broke up, i baught her a new necklace with a cross on it, it was a very nice necklace, and i gave it to her on the day we broke up, and it meant alot to me, we both said that it symbolises hope for us, and it was a promise that we will definatly meet up when we go to university and see how things go and even go on a date and stuff, if she is wearing this necklace tomorrow i will be very happy.

 

I just hope i dont blow everything by saying something stupid, i just want us to have a great time and make her realise what a great time we can have together when i am there and so are her friends, and hopefully some songs will come on that are sentimental to us, and it will bring memories flooding back for her, i keep my fingers crossed.

 

But i think the hardest thing for me is going to be when she goes home, because in the past when we have ben to this club she has came home to my house and stayed at mine, but this time she is getting picked up off her dad and her friend is sleeping at her house, i dont know what to do, should i give her a hug, or a kiss on the cheek, or both? and should i ask to speak to her for a minute and tell her how i feel or is this a bad idea?

[brandos lovechild]

NO NO NO NO don't tell her how you feel !! That would be the worst thing you could do !! AT the end of the night, you MUST let her initiate a farewell kiss on the cheek or hug..DON'T LOOK FOR IT, let her GIVE it . If she just says "bye" as she's walking away , then don't say "bye" back...the coolest and most confident thing you could do would be to just wink at her just after she says it. If she does just say "bye" as she goes, don't show her that you are disappointed, don't say "bye" to her as she goes...cause then you come off as a victim...just a wink would tell her all she needs to know. GOOD LUCK 8)

[David83]

Hmmmm a wink eh? never tried that before!

 

I hope its gonna be a great night, even if we just talk and have a laugh,at least this way she will be able to see how much of a good time we can still have together, even with her friend there! the best thing ever that could happen would be hearing a sentimental song, getting up to dance and then us endng up kissing!, that would be a dream come true, and the worst thing that could ever happen would be for us not to speak at all, find it awkward, and her ending up flirting with other guys or even kissing someone, but i very much doubt this will happen, because she isnt that kind of person, but it would tear me apart if she did

 

She has got to still have feelings for me hidden somewhere, but she is definatly hiding them well, but she said that she loved me at the end of the phone call today though this is good yes?

[Sweet Euphoria]

Wow...I read your post and I believe you should just be happy you two are friends right now. I am going through the exact same kind of problem right now! I was going out with my girlfriend for 1 year and 7 months until she broke up with me. Our love was so amazing and then it was over so quickly. This breakup occurred only a week after she started a new job and met new people. Now she told me she needs to hang out with them and experience life more. I think you should be grateful that you have a friendship with her right now. In my situation, it is becoming too hard to be just friends. Man...my advice to you is to not try that "jealous" act. That is going to just complicate things. And think about this, if you two ever got back together, would you want it to be as a result of messing around with her emotions and making her jealous? I know that many people think about this, because I have too, but it is seriously going to make things worse. Do not go that way. You should should just try to have the best time as possible. I know this is extemely hard, but I don't think you can give her your undivided attention. She invited you and hopefully wants to see you have a time. Just relax with the whole situation and have fun! You will be ok....

[David83]

Yeah im am very happy that we are friends, and i am over the moon that we are going out tomorrow, cos i will be able to see her again!

 

It sounds like your in basically the same situation as me, i bet she used to be very close to you, and used to always rely on you, and then when she got her job and met new friends it all started to go the way of the pear! she said to me a wile back that she is enjoying being herself at the minute, but on the phone call today she told me that her friends from work will be leaving soon, one is going to germany for a year and the other are leaving for university and getting new jobs, so she wont have these friends anymore soon, so hopefully this will give us a chance again, because at the minute her friends are just getting in the way, but i am very happy for her because having friends has been a big part of her life, because she had a hard time through college, friend wise.

 

Its really hard not being with someone who you have such big feelings for, and the person that you love the most, it just doesnt feel right!.

 

I tell you what mate, i know its hard, it was for me, but give her some space, i left her alone for a month, it was the hardset month of my life, i didnt call her or contact her in anyway, and then after a month i called her and now we contact each other again, it was the hardest yet best thing i think ive ever done, she will respect you for it.

 

All i need to do now is play things cool, and see what develops, im not gonna force anything on her or talk about US, im juts gonna have a good time and be happy about the fact that im gonna se her again!,

 

if you wanna talk about things feel free to pm me ok, i will try my best to help you out considering we are going through the same situation!