he loves me, but he ignores me for weeks and it kills me (Long Dis)

[heavyheart]

Who says you need to 'go down'? I'd make it my private goal to surprise everyone, including myself, with my resilience and ability to bounce back to create a fabulous life for myself.

 

THEN you can tell whoever you want and let them be amazed that you've been doing so well.

 

You get to plot your own story. If you want to turn it into a tragedy, you can do that--it's not against the law. But what's the point? Dis-illusion-ment isn't fun, but you don't need to break yourself over broken illusions that you built around someone who won't even show up in your life. You can grow beyond that, instead, and impress yourself.

 

Choose wisely.

 

It's been a while now. I thought I should reply to this because it turns out I did suprise myself with my resilience and ability to bounce back. I'm feeling good now, infact. We are very, very over. I was a complete mess when I finally admitted to myself it was completely done, that he didn't love me anymore and he could willingly leave me pretty darn easily. I was such a mess that when we did talk again, I agreed we could be friends, as to not "waste" the good times, and all the time we spent together. Well, that was a bust. I don't know why I thought that not being in a relationship with him meant he would treat me any better. He was never around, didn't bother talking to me most of the time and when he did he just made it about him. Now, a few days ago, I wrote the words I really wanted to write and MEAN all along, and I sent them to him, and I deleted his ass. I told him he was not a good boyfriend and not a good friend, and it's not up to the person who got DUMPED by you, to grasp at any connection we have left in hopes of having a friendship. You didn't deserve my friendship in the first place, and now you've abused that too, you've made it incredibly easy for me to say that it's finally and truly over.

 

For the first time, it wasn't hard to say. It wasn't hard to do. It just happened.

 

I can't say I don't get that stomach drop feeling sometimes when a specific song comes on, or something reminds you of a romantic moment you shared... but it's so brief it doesn't hurt me anymore. Just a second and it's over.

 

So, from someone who thought they would never cope without the man who was undoubtedly the love of their life, you will. He aint the love of my life, he's the lesson of what to avoid in the future.

[Heather Dawn]

It's been a while now. I thought I should reply to this because it turns out I did suprise myself with my resilience and ability to bounce back. I'm feeling good now, infact. We are very, very over. I was a complete mess when I finally admitted to myself it was completely done, that he didn't love me anymore and he could willingly leave me pretty darn easily. I was such a mess that when we did talk again, I agreed we could be friends, as to not "waste" the good times, and all the time we spent together. Well, that was a bust. I don't know why I thought that not being in a relationship with him meant he would treat me any better. He was never around, didn't bother talking to me most of the time and when he did he just made it about him. Now, a few days ago, I wrote the words I really wanted to write and MEAN all along, and I sent them to him, and I deleted his ass. I told him he was not a good boyfriend and not a good friend, and it's not up to the person who got DUMPED by you, to grasp at any connection we have left in hopes of having a friendship. You didn't deserve my friendship in the first place, and now you've abused that too, you've made it incredibly easy for me to say that it's finally and truly over.

 

For the first time, it wasn't hard to say. It wasn't hard to do. It just happened.

 

I can't say I don't get that stomach drop feeling sometimes when a specific song comes on, or something reminds you of a romantic moment you shared... but it's so brief it doesn't hurt me anymore. Just a second and it's over.

 

So, from someone who thought they would never cope without the man who was undoubtedly the love of their life, you will. He aint the love of my life, he's the lesson of what to avoid in the future.

 

It's so nice to hear this! Good job!!!!

[catfeeder]

It's been a while now. I thought I should reply to this because it turns out I did suprise myself with my resilience and ability to bounce back. I'm feeling good now, infact.

 

[...] He aint the love of my life, he's the lesson of what to avoid in the future.

 

This is great to read, and thank you for the update. Yes, the goal is to take what we've learned and use it to become stronger, more open and more capable of love. That may sound counter intuitive after we've been hurt, and that's why too many people ride a wave of anger only to grow a heavy chip that makes them brittle and fragile from a perception of themselves as victimized and damaged.

 

Find the balance. I can't speak for you, but I'd prefer to believe in my own capabilities and unique value as being beyond the scope of some jerk's understanding rather than adopt a victim role that would only keep me playing small and fearful of the next jerk. When we can learn where WE went wrong in our choices, we can be forgiving and kind to ourselves as we move forward, and we can enjoy our autonomy as we become more selective about who we'll involve ourselves with in the future.

 

I'm glad you've learned that playing friendzies with an ex is a dead end. It doesn't honor any good times in the past, it just makes a mess, because it prevents you from moving your focus forward. Nobody with self respect will involve themselves with anyone who still keeps an ex in the picture in any way, shape or form beyond shared children, so it makes no sense to keep an ex around to stunt your own growth.

 

Head high, better days are ahead. You will thank yourself later.