Right decision???

[Jenn28]

Hello everyone, I am Jenn and I am new to this site! But I wanted to receive advice from someone other than my friends! This is sort of long but please bear with me!!!! So I've been seeing this guy for a while now we first met back in 2010 and we really hit and off and liked each other but we never made it "official". As time went by we sort of went our separate ways and he ended up with a baby by someone else in that time. Needless to say I was devastated by that but I bottled my emotions and kept it moving, although he was still trying to contact me while he was with his child's mother. So, a while later, he ended up getting in some trouble and went away for a couple of years. As time went by I would think about him and wonder if he was okay. I even tried searching for him just to write him a letter or something just to show my concern. I couldn't find him though. So this pass March, I received a message from him via Facebook and we instantly hit it off once again. So fast forward, we were talking everyday and getting back in the swing of things. And things were getting more and more serious by the day. So one day I was scrolling through Facebook and on my timeline I saw that he had been tagged in a photo by his child's mother. They very intimate and his shirt was off in this photo.🤔🤔 I expressed my anger to him and it turns out they had slept together. I was LIVID for lack of a better term!!! Ok let's put a pin in that for a while and let me tell you guys a little bit about him. (Let me say this though, in no way am I trying to bash him I am simply giving you guys some insight so that you can respond to the best of your abilities. These are just facts, not jabs) So anyway. First off, I really try to avoid men with children because it's always proven to be a headache as far as the child's mother is concerned and I'd rather not deal with that especially if I don't have children myself. So I really did make an exception for him because I knew him prior to the child being conceived so i figured I'd give it a shot. Secondly, since I've known him (2010) I have known him to work ONE job. And he was there LESS than a month. I believe that year was 2011/2012. Since then I have not known him to work a single job EVER. He would rather get money in illegal ways and even then it's barely enough to take care of himself or his child (so really what's the point??) he's always talking about how he knows what he needs to do yet he makes NO effort to do anything to better himself and certainly doesn't do anything to better the situation between him and I. That is really hard for me to deal with because i work everyday and take care of many responsibilities! And there is no reason why he should not be doing the same or atleast trying! Then be has the audacity to ask me for money every time I receive my paycheck! He has no car so we only see eachother when I am available to pick him up so we can do things. I am not one to just up and leave when things get tough but you have to atleast TRY to move towards better things! And he isn't doing that so day by day I get more and more frustrated with him and to him it seems like it's coming from nowhere when on reality, it's all these things combined! So I've been sort of distant because I don't see a change although I've expressed many times that he needs to get himself in order because other things in his life ultimately affect our relationship. So I have not had the best attitude towards him lately. Also, he does not have a phone so we don't talk much, which puts and even bigger strain on things!!!!! And not to mention, today I reveived a text from him that was supposed to go to his child's mom. It wasn't anything bad per say but it was a text about him purchasing a doll for her OTHER child whom he is NOT the father of. I'm not even sure how I feel about him still buying things for a child who's not his. I understand that he may have grown to love the other child as well but I'm just not sure how that sits with me. And also the fact that you're asking ME for money but you have the funds to buy something for a child who doesn't belong to you and I can't even ask you for $20!!!! So after that text, I pretty much just told him that he and his child's mother belong together and I no longer wanted anything to do with him. I'm sure he loves me and the feeling is mutual but this stopped being about love a long time ago! I feel like I have gone against everything I believe in to deal with him and he's proving why it's was against my beliefs in the first place. He's slept with other people and everything and I'm still here so Imagine how stupid I feel! So I really need advice I don't think I did the wrong thing but you know how love is!!!

[nihongo]

Omg - I'm so happy for you. You showed a lot of strength cutting him off and you've definitely made the right decision. You seem like you've got it together, but he, and I'm usually not blunt, is a complete loser. While reading this, I was so afraid you were going to say that you went back to him. There are so many reasons why you shouldn't be with this guy. I'm sure it's still not easy to let go, but you should be proud of yourself.

[Jenn28]

Thank you! There have been many times that I have gone back to him and things have not changed one bit. I just really hope that I will have enough power to stick to my guns because I know what o deserve and it's not this! Things are so one sided and I've finally grown tired.

Omg - I'm so happy for you. You showed a lot of strength cutting him off and you've definitely made the right decision. You seem like you've got it together, but he, and I'm usually not blunt, is a complete loser. While reading this, I was so afraid you were going to say that you went back to him. There are so many reasons why you shouldn't be with this guy. I'm sure it's still not easy to let go, but you should be proud of yourself.

[LadyRayne]

It's a good thing you've broken it off with him. The best indicator of how someone with be in the future is by looking at their past actions (illegal activities, cheating, not working and no ambition to better himself) and that's what you'd have to look forward to in your future if you stayed. About the fact he bought a doll for a child that's not his I really don't see anything wrong with that in fact it may point out his one redeeming quality... But anyway it's led to your decision to break it off with him and that can only be a good thing. People rarely change and no amount of imploring by you will make him change it has to come from within himself. Often people have to hit rock bottom before they make changes in their lives you don't want to be there when that happens... you did the right thing... Good luck in your future

[SherrySher]

People can be addicted to people and they can also keep running back to extremely toxic people and very unhealthy relationships because of this addiction. It can be broken though and I really hope you have done that once and for all.

There is not much good to deal with when it comes to this man and you've done well on seeing it for yourself and moving past it. I hope you can finally meet a responsible man who is good to you and is the opposite of this man. Good luck to you.

[Wiseman2]

Google "Hare's Psychopathy Checklist". You will learn the red flags sooner now. Getting involved with a sociopath is will bring you down. You can't fix him, he was using you just like he uses everyone else. Love is not about being a willing victim of a street sleaze.

he ended up getting in some trouble and went away for a couple of years. he had been tagged in a photo by his child's mother. He would rather get money in illegal ways.Then be has the audacity to ask me for money every time I receive my paycheck! He has no car so we only see eachother when I am available to pick him up so we can do things.

[Jenn28]

I don't think there's much wrong with him buying the doll either. But it's the principle. Here's where my problem lies with this. This is your ex's (whom you are supposed to have detached yourself from) child. And the fact that you're still buying things for the child just makes me feel as though he can't detach himself from them. If that's the case then I don't stand a chance. Also, those particular dolls cost between $50 and $60. So he can find money for that but can't find money to buy means of communication (a phone) and is always asking me for money. So that creates a problem for me. But thank you so much for your feedback, I needed that!!

It's a good thing you've broken it off with him. The best indicator of how someone with be in the future is by looking at their past actions (illegal activities, cheating, not working and no ambition to better himself) and that's what you'd have to look forward to in your future if you stayed. About the fact he bought a doll for a child that's not his I really don't see anything wrong with that in fact it may point out his one redeeming quality... But anyway it's led to your decision to break it off with him and that can only be a good thing. People rarely change and no amount of imploring by you will make him change it has to come from within himself. Often people have to hit rock bottom before they make changes in their lives you don't want to be there when that happens... you did the right thing... Good luck in your future

[Wiseman2]

Stop giving him money.

you're still buying things for the child just makes me feel as though he can't detach himself from them.Also, those particular dolls cost between $50 and $60. So he can find money for that and is always asking me for money.

[Jenn28]

I've only given him money once. Lol I'm not THAT dumb. It's just the point of him asking for it from me, but he can magically come up with it for reasons as insignificant as a doll. But can't buy a phone (amongst other things that he needs) so that a job or family can contact him.

Stop giving him money.