On being shy and dating

[Sheyda]

Maybe that is a good reason to get to know girls you don't find attractive; not only will you gain some friends, but you might meet someone through them.

 

I don't undersandt how: girl are not willing to meet a starnger again.

So I have no chances in real life to meet any girl: pretty or not so much.

What were you talking about?

 

Girls don't mind talking to strangers; I never said that they have a problem with talking to strangers in this thread. Remember we were talking about how you approach the person? I was saying how I would feel embarrassed and awkward if a stranger said I had sexy lips. If they just come up and say "hello" and comment on something else we usually end up having a nice conversation even though we don't even know each other's names yet. That's how I've met most of my friends at uni. One of us has just randomly gone up and started chatting to the other person. Usually it's about how awful the first semester is.

[al7]

 

I don't undersandt how: girl are not willing to meet a starnger again.

So I have no chances in real life to meet any girl: pretty or not so much.

 

 

Girls don't mind talking to strangers; I never said that they have a problem with talking to strangers in this thread. Remember we were talking about how you approach the person?

 

If they just come up and say "hello" and comment on something else we usually end up having a nice conversation even though we don't even know each other's names yet.

 

Well, I didn't mean "talk" I meant to befriend strangers. Some women definitely say "no way! I am not going to give any stranger my number, it is about trust I meet men through friends".

Do you personally support this or not?

Why would it be no trust to a starnger? Imagine he has friends who are your firneds, would would it change in terms of trust?

[Sheyda]

 

I don't undersandt how: girl are not willing to meet a starnger again.

So I have no chances in real life to meet any girl: pretty or not so much.

 

 

Girls don't mind talking to strangers; I never said that they have a problem with talking to strangers in this thread. Remember we were talking about how you approach the person?

 

If they just come up and say "hello" and comment on something else we usually end up having a nice conversation even though we don't even know each other's names yet.

 

Well, I didn't mean "talk" I meant to befriend strangers. Some women definitely say "no way! I am not going to give any stranger my number, it is about trust I meet men through friends".

Do you personally support this or not?

Why would it be no trust to a starnger? Imagine he has friends who are your firneds, would would it change in terms of trust?

 

If you see them around the same place regularly it is easier to befriend them. But I wouldn't give a stranger my number unless we had spoken several times before. I guess it is much more difficult unless you go someplace regularly, too. As I said, I go to uni and I meet lots of people there and I recognise the same strangers who came up and chatted to me, so we chat again and become friends later on.

 

Personally I find it very hard to trust new people, but that is due to personal experience of being betrayed by people who I thought were my friends, being used and even stalked as well. I don't think many people would give their number to a stranger, though. You don't know them well enough to decide whether they can be trusted, or not. It's kind of like this; if you had to stay in a dark cave with someone for a day and a night and you had to stay in there with either a trustworthy friend or a complete stranger who you had chatted to for a few seconds on the bus, you would most likely chose the friend. You know from experience that the friend can be trusted, but with the stranger you just think they could be a nice person, but you don't know and most people aren't willing to take the risk.

 

If the stranger shares friends with me, it is much more likely I will trust them because if I can trust my friends and my friends trust this stranger, they are probably safe to hang around with and such.

[al7]

1. If you see them around the same place regularly it is easier to befriend them.

 

2. But I wouldn't give a stranger my number unless we had spoken several times before.

 

3. As I said, I go to uni and I meet lots of people there and I recognise the same strangers who came up and chatted to me, so we chat again and become friends later on.

 

4. I don't think many people would give their number to a stranger, though. You don't know them well enough to decide whether they can be trusted, or not.

 

 

5. If the stranger shares friends with me, it is much more likely I will trust them because if I can trust my friends and my friends trust this stranger, they are probably safe to hang around with and such.

 

1. I don't go to places regularly except for groceries: the stores are huge and there is no way I see the same people there.

 

2. It just doesn't make sense! How can you speak to strangers several times??? Then he is not a strangers anymore..

Ok, typical sitiation: a guy saw you n a store, walk up, chat with you.. "what's your number?"...you don't him the one cuz... he is still a starnger? So what he can do to get to know you better??? Tell me pls.

Live in that store, wating for you to come there again?

 

3. I do not see much people in my uni, if I see them are they running somehwere...

 

4. What kind of trust you are talkign about? what cave?

It is all about giving him your number or email. What is bad about it?

Even if you meet him at a party with friends, so what? he might be as carzy as any starnger.

What is teh big deal about not giving him your number\email?

The only thing I can come up with: "Whta if he is a stalker"?

But a guy at a party might be a stalker too, don't you think?

They are both guys, and you didn't know them before...so what is teh difference?

 

5. Ok you now are having fun cuz yo have tons of friends. imagine you have moved to a new place and go to work everyday 9 to 5.

You basically do not know anyone, and do not see anyone new expect you boring coworkers. Thats it? There is no chance you would expand you circle of friends according to your attitude?

[Sheyda]

1. You say you go to uni. Surely there must be some people in your lectures and seminars you can chat to, or people in the canteen?

 

2. Well, if all I have chatted about with some guy is the university, the weather and what they did the weekend, they are still a stranger to me. I mean I don't know anything about them do I? After chatting 3 times about different things I still don't know what they like, whether they are genuinely nice people, whether I can trust them. In this situation, I still didn't even know the guy's name! thereforeeee I still considered him a stranger.

 

The store situation you gave might depend on how long you'd been talking for, I guess. But you can't really expect someone to give you their number after saying "Hello, how are you? The weather's bad, huh?".

 

3. See no. 1.

 

4. I was comparing giving your phone number out to going into a cave. It's easier to explain it that way. Now, e-mail is different. There is no way they could keep harassing you if they were a stalker, crazy person, or a rapist or something. You could just block their e-mail (unless they were an experienced hacker). The rest of it didn't make sense to me because it sounded as if you were asking for the difference between two guys at a party and you never mentioned anything else.

 

5. I never said I had tonnes of friends. You've moved to a new place and work 9 to 5. So? I've started at a new university several miles away from me and sometimes I am out of the house from 6 a.m. to 6 p.m. I still find time to meet people. My father works from 4 a.m. until 11 p.m. some days and he still meets new people. My mother works from 9 a.m. until 4 p.m. the latest and then goes out to another job and sometimes doesn't come back until midnight and she still finds the time to meet people as well.

 

And what attitude are you talking about? I never mentioned your specific situation and said "This exact situation is hopeless; you'll never have any friends ever" did I? Where did I specifically say that you have no chance finding new people?

 

And maybe you should try and get to know your co-workers even if they are boring; their friends outside work might be more interesting.

[al7]

1. it is a uni people commute to. Engineering students are in general boring and not talkative at all, they came after their work 9 to 5, tired and dont' give a crap* about anyone ot anything. Besides I am done with classes where I could meet people. I don't go to canteen since the food there is very expensive and not very tasty. Does it make sense to you?

 

2. Well ok. I agree. But see.. if that guy hand you his resume, you would dismiss him as "desperate". He cannot establish trust since he cannot reach you and he cannot get your number since he doesn't have trust yet.

Opps?

 

4. Good! I want to make sure: I have to ask for her email instead of phone number? It would be great since I don't like to call her at all I would preefr a date or an email or online chat.

 

5. I assumed you have tons of friends. Yeah, kinda moved.

Well, I should not care how much you work or your parents do.

What I see that all of you are good at meeting people. I am not.

I have no idea WHERE you meet them. Could you tell?

 

6. I work alone in the lab. Basically I see my boss sometime sand thats it.

So no parties or anything. It is like vacuum...

[Caldus]

1. it is a uni people commute to. Engineering students are in general boring and not talkative at all, they came after their work 9 to 5, tired and dont' give a crap* about anyone ot anything. Besides I am done with classes where I could meet people. I don't go to canteen since the food there is very expensive and not very tasty. Does it make sense to you?

 

al7, you might be offending people on here who are engineering majors themselves. So be careful there. Anyway, so just because they are engineering students they are automatically not the type of people you want to meet? Have you actually met some of them?

 

2. Well ok. I agree. But see.. if that guy hand you his resume, you would dismiss him as "desperate". He cannot establish trust since he cannot reach you and he cannot get your number since he doesn't have trust yet.

Opps?

 

About the whole strangers thing: trust me, if a girl enjoys the conversation, then she probably wouldn't mind giving out the number (if not then maybe the second or third time you two talk). I have done it before. I go up to some girl and start talking to her for about fifteen minutes. Next thing I know I have her phone number. Some girls hate giving out their number so just keep trying to talk to them more and show them that you aren't just another creep looking to get into her pants. Also, always remember that some of these girls will have boyfriends so try not to be too depressed when they reject you.

 

4. Good! I want to make sure: I have to ask for her email instead of phone number? It would be great since I don't like to call her at all I would preefr a date or an email or online chat.

 

I believe they like talking on the phone more so just ask for the phone number. Refer to what I have wrote above though.

 

5. I assumed you have tons of friends. Yeah, kinda moved.

Well, I should not care how much you work or your parents do.

What I see that all of you are good at meeting people. I am not.

I have no idea WHERE you meet them. Could you tell?

 

That's a hard one. I mean you could theoretically meet them anywhere but I know how it is. It's just ackward and uncomfortable meeting people at certain places. You just come off as kind of desperate if you stop a woman and meet her. Been there done that. The most comfortable setting for me has always been an interest club. I know that you mentioned that you didn't enjoy the clubs you tried. Are you sure there aren't any other clubs you are interested in?

 

6. I work alone in the lab. Basically I see my boss sometime sand thats it.

So no parties or anything. It is like vacuum...

 

Are there other people working there with you?

[al7]

Are there other people working there with you?

 

1. I know what I am talking about: I talked to many majors, and engineering students seem the most boring guys (I am, myself, an engineering student). They might have tons of legit reasons to be boring, but i don't care, I state the fact I observed.

I don't mind meeting them of course, I'd like to. Seems they are aloof and reserved more than anybody else.

 

2. Yes, I guess it is right. Though still many girls explicitly says: if he is a stanger then... NO WAY I'll give him a number.

How do you meet her next time? You see her once, without her number you won't meet her anymore...

 

3. Hm. It contradicts with what girls think: email sounds safe: you can't disturn her by email, but you can stalk her phone wise.

Besides I hate phones. So I go for emails...well.. in the future.

 

4. Yes a good point: clubs, i.e student group in my case. People there

are ok, the problem they themselves do not know what to do, or they do some weird stuff like volunteering in all their projects. I can't stand that it is boring to do those cheesy student fund raizser and organize blood drive or book drive for kids iin africa... Would you enjoy it? I really dount you would. Sure I can sign up for yoga class with tons of women...

though I just don't these exercises.

Anyway what club you have gone to?

[Caldus]

2. Yes, I guess it is right. Though still many girls explicitly says: if he is a stanger then... NO WAY I'll give him a number.

How do you meet her next time? You see her once, without her number you won't meet her anymore...

 

Again, that is a hard one. Just watch the girl's body language after a while and you will be able to tell whether you should ask for her number or not. If they are smiling more and seem to be talking more than you are then chances are she wouldn't mind giving out her number to you. Again, watch out. Some of them will have boyfriends and some will just not like giving out their number, period. Respect that and move on if that's the case.

 

3. Hm. It contradicts with what girls think: email sounds safe: you can't disturn her by email, but you can stalk her phone wise.

Besides I hate phones. So I go for emails...well.. in the future.

 

Well, I'll let the women answer that one and not me. I always thought they liked the phone more. *shrugs*

 

4. Yes a good point: clubs, i.e student group in my case. People there

are ok, the problem they themselves do not know what to do, or they do some weird stuff like volunteering in all their projects. I can't stand that it is boring to do those cheesy student fund raizser and organize blood drive or book drive for kids iin africa... Would you enjoy it? I really dount you would. Sure I can sign up for yoga class with tons of women...

though I just don't these exercises.

Anyway what club you have gone to?

 

Well what other clubs are there besides volunteering clubs and yoga clubs? Surely there is much more than that. I'm in a tennis club and it's very enjoyable so far. Have met a few very cool people and just love playing tennis with them. Believe me there has to be a good club out there for you. Just keep searching.

[Sheyda]

1. it is a uni people commute to. Engineering students are in general boring and not talkative at all, they came after their work 9 to 5, tired and dont' give a crap* about anyone ot anything. Besides I am done with classes where I could meet people. I don't go to canteen since the food there is very expensive and not very tasty. Does it make sense to you?

 

2. Well ok. I agree. But see.. if that guy hand you his resume, you would dismiss him as "desperate". He cannot establish trust since he cannot reach you and he cannot get your number since he doesn't have trust yet.

Opps?

 

4. Good! I want to make sure: I have to ask for her email instead of phone number? It would be great since I don't like to call her at all I would preefr a date or an email or online chat.

 

5. I assumed you have tons of friends. Yeah, kinda moved.

Well, I should not care how much you work or your parents do.

What I see that all of you are good at meeting people. I am not.

I have no idea WHERE you meet them. Could you tell?

 

6. I work alone in the lab. Basically I see my boss sometime sand thats it.

So no parties or anything. It is like vacuum...

 

1. Well, they don't sound like very happy people, so I don't think I would actually want to talk to them, anyway! I guess it does make sense if you're tired, though. If I'm tired I don't feel like talking so I won't say much and I can come accross as boring or anti-social, but it's just because I'm sleep deprived.

 

2. If he "hands me his resume" as you put it, I wouldn't think he was desperate, but to be honest it would creep me out a bit even if I was a little flattered. You only mentioned her giving you her number; you could give her your number or agree to swap numbers. I would feel more comfortable trusting someone who isn't hiding their number from me when they expect me to give them mine.

 

4. (Only just realised I got the numbers messed up. Oh well) E-mail is pretty good and it is even better if you're more comfortable with it. That way you can get to know each other better and then you can swap numbers later on. I'm pretty shy myself and I am definitely more confident online than I am on the phone. And people give out their e-mail to strangers online all the time. e.g. many people have their e-mail on their profile on this forum and anyone from here can e-mail them.

 

5. I was just stating that your excuse of having moved and working a lot wasn't a good one (on it's own; the other ones you've given me do make things difficult). That's why I was telling you how busy me and my parents are, but I guess it doesn't have much relevance with all the other problems you say you have. As for where I meet people; I meet them pretty much everywhere. I'll meet someone when I'm walking down the street, at the bus stop, at the train station or on the train, on the underground, while I'm waiting for a lecture to start, while I'm in a book shop or library, when I'm shopping, at public events... But I do go to these places regularly and I think you said there isn't anywhere you go regularly where there are many people, or either it's too big of a place. And you said you tried clubs, but they weren't what you expected. =\

 

6. Wow, that sounds exciting. Where did you get to know that your co-workers were boring, then?

[al7]

5. I am sorry I didn't mean I work a lot. Thats why your comment about the parents seemed very strange to me.

 

6. Aha! I see.. you don't meet people. They meet you, i.e. guys meet you. Got you.

 

7. In some distant labs there are some other "co-workers"... they would not spend a minnute with you, it is better to pretend to be busy...I find it funny.

[Sheyda]

5. I am sorry I didn't mean I work a lot. Thats why your comment about the parents seemed very strange to me.

 

6. Aha! I see.. you don't meet people. They meet you, i.e. guys meet you. Got you.

 

7. In some distant labs there are some other "co-workers"... they would not spend a minnute with you, it is better to pretend to be busy...I find it funny.

 

5. Oh, that's okay. It's just when you said that you work from 9 to 5 it sounded as though you were saying "I don't have time to do this because I work too much".

 

6. Is there much of a difference? You meet each other, don't you? We'll just be standing around and then either I'll say something or they will.

 

7. The way you said that it sounds as though your co-workers are really anti-social. o_O;

[al7]

 

5. Oh, that's okay. It's just when you said that you work from 9 to 5 it sounded as though you were saying "I don't have time to do this because I work too much".

 

6. Is there much of a difference? You meet each other, don't you? We'll just be standing around and then either I'll say something or they will.

 

7. The way you said that it sounds as though your co-workers are really anti-social. o_O;

 

5. Well I goofed here, my fault of communication.

I do have time, I don't know how to find any friends or anyone, all I tried (go to some group or club failed)

 

6. Wow! It is nothing like that aorund here: no one is standing, no one walk on streets: people are either driving or rush to a store to buy stuff.

I didn't see people standing...especially talking to strangers!

 

7. Well. I really do not any real co-workers. There are in some distant labs and yes they don't care to talk more than usual How are you doing..

[Sheyda]

5. I know how you feel, but my problem is finding a guy to date, not just a friend. Can't find anyone who relates to me anywhere and I can't find any clubs or groups in my area to join.

 

6. Yeah, I heard from someone that America is like that. This guy said they don't really have many pathways; it's all road and everybody drives. Where I live it is different because there are loads of cyclists and people who walk or catch the bus. I guess it's a lot more laidback here as well. In London, everyone is rushing, though.

 

7. Sounds like they just want to get on with their work. If I'm alone with a fellow student and we're not doing anything they'll usually make more of an effort to start a conversation and we'll have a friendly chat.

[al7]

5. I know how you feel, but my problem is finding a guy to date, not just a friend. Can't find anyone who relates to me anywhere and I can't find any clubs or groups in my area to join.

 

6. Yeah, I heard from someone that America is like that. This guy said they don't really have many pathways; it's all road and everybody drives. Where I live it is different because there are loads of cyclists and people who walk or catch the bus. I guess it's a lot more laidback here as well. In London, everyone is rushing, though.

 

5. ??? If you meet lot of people and can accidentally meet male friends...

dons't it just seem to you that you have very high requirements for a bf?

 

6. My house is next to a leasing office. But since they do not have a sidewalk there, I had to drive there. Imagine, to drive about 100 feet

[Sheyda]

5. Yeah, it seems that asking for a genuinely nice guy who is modest, considerate, faithful, respectful and open-minded is setting the bar way too high for the guys I meet, or either they have no interest in dating me. I mean come on I don't even care about their looks and I still can't find one guy that fits all of those criteria and is interested in me, too (not that they need to fit every single one, more than half would do). I guess it is just the area I live in, but it really is driving me nuts.

 

6. That is pretty silly.

[Caldus]

Sheyda, where do you meet these guys?