Now i understand what "it's complicated" means

[dynamics]

So my boyfriend and I have been together for a little over two years now. There's this girl that he has a crush on, but they don't know each other at all. Maybe passed by each other a few times before and he mentioned to me that they were glancing at each other and it made him feel bad that he felt some feelings towards her. Now, i don't doubt his love for me, i can be very petty sometimes but he's always very patient with me. But on our 1st anniversary, we broke it off because of this incident. He cried a lot, and i just felt empty, like it hadn't struck me yet. We were still growing together, so the first year was very difficult for us. He was lusting after girls and I didn't know how to deal with it except to be jealous and emotional all the time. But we got back together a week later and have been together ever since.

 

Things got a lot better but i still have trust issues that i don't know how to overcome. Like its always in the back of my mind. He's very affectionate towards me and i couldn't be happier. A couple of days ago, we were talking about the girl, and he mentioned that he looked at his Instagram and stuff and didn't know how he felt toward her. I saw that he was even looking for her twitter from his history. We had an argument and i expressed how i didn't know how i felt towards him. He said that he still loves me but he probably just likes the "chase". i looked through his history and saw that he even searched up how to stop liking another girl. I know he tries for me, but i just cant shake this feeling off.

 

He says that he just does stupid things and believe me, he does. But i don't want to leave him because i still believe that he is truly the only one that understands every aspect of me and we click in so many things, its hard to let him go. what should i do? how do i help him through this process? I know he feels bad for having these feelings but this girl just keeps reappearing into our relationship.

[whitwhit]

Let him chase if he wants, do you really want to be with someone who has a crush on another person? I mean, its cool to be attracted to other people, but when your focus on other eclipse your focus on your life and your partner- that's one foot down the path of non-monogamy. Red flag.

 

If he likes the chase so much, let him chase her. Relationships are boring sometimes; manage your feelings like a mature monogamous person, or get out.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry he's not ready to be in an exclusive relationship. It's not fair he's tying you down while he entertains his wandering eyes. He's letting you know right now that he will never be faithful because he has a "problem".

He was lusting after girls. this girl just keeps reappearing into our relationship.

[dynamics]

so you believe that he will never change because of this?

[Wiseman2]

Some never do. It's a crap shoot if he's sowing wild oats with you in tow or if he's going to be doing "stupid things" for the long haul.

so you believe that he will never change because of this?