hrtbrokengirl Posted May 3, 2016 Share Posted May 3, 2016 I apologize in advance for the length of this post- I just need some help! Okay, so a little background information on my ex and I: We dated for about three months, broke up two months ago. She dumped me for a number of reasons: school being too stressful, extracurriculars being stressful (president of some clubs, division I college athlete), and she also said she was "unhappy." She didn't know if stress was attributing to her unhappiness or if I was. We didn't date long enough to have any sort of fight or argument, and we always seemed to have a good time together. We are also both women and her family is very conservative; she feels as if she can't come out to them and be her true self. I will admit that our relationship moved very quickly; we were both very eager. I believe that attributed to our breakup as well. We got very comfortable very fast and I think we skipped a few steps. After we broke up, I was very upset. I deleted her number and took her off every social media site, but she still continued to follow me on some. She likes my pictures on Instagram still, which I know isn't much, but it IS something to a millennial like me. We were on very low/no contact status for awhile and I even went full NC for about three weeks. I contacted her after that three-week period and it went south pretty quickly. Gave her another week and a half without hearing from me. As of this past week, we are in contact again- initiated by me. It has been pleasant small talk, catching up, etc. She told me she hadn't contacted me because she didn't want to bug me; I'm not sure why but I'm extremely confused by that statement! Why would she be worried about bugging me when she most likely knows I miss her? She also said that since she was the dumper that she doesn't feel like she has the right to contact me whenever she wants. One of our more recent conversations was about my friends; she said she sees pictures of everyone and misses them. She really did fit right in with my friend group so well. She graduated from her university last week and is finishing up her sports career. Her schedule is freeing up. I really don't want to get ahead of myself, as we did just get back in contact. But, one of these days, I want to ask her to coffee. I don't want to rush things, but I do want to be in her life if she wants to be in mine. No stipulations, no pressure; we haven't seen her since we broke up and we have yet to even give each other our stuff back. Long story short, does anyone have any advice/stories for me? Link to comment
Billie28 Posted May 3, 2016 Share Posted May 3, 2016 " She also said that since she was the dumper that she doesn't feel like she has the right to contact me whenever she wants." This is what you need to pay attention to! And it says a lot! She is right. She should not be contacting you because that statement speaks very clearly that she has NO intentions of getting back with you. The dumper also grieves their loss of company, intimacy, contact. By "bugging" you means she realises the contact is just making it easier for her being the dumper to move on whilst making it harder for you the dumpee. She might miss all the things I mentioned including your friends but when she left you she left all of you and only misses part of you. Please do yourself a favour and go NC again. Also if after 2 months of not exchanging each other's belongings you can live without them. Link to comment
Billie28 Posted May 3, 2016 Share Posted May 3, 2016 / This should help explain what I said! Link to comment
bulletproof Posted May 3, 2016 Share Posted May 3, 2016 My advice is to not contact her. Her statement about "bugging" you is just a nice way of saying she doesn't want you to get your hopes up. The relationship was short. I think you need to evaluate why you got attached so quickly. In your next relationship, take it slow. There's no rush. Link to comment
hrtbrokengirl Posted May 4, 2016 Author Share Posted May 4, 2016 I guess I'm blind to the situation, but then again I can almost feel as if she likes talking to me again. I know she's hesitant because of her home life and all that, but I just don't know if I'm ready to give up. I got attached quickly, yes...we both did and we verbalized many times how frightened that made us. I guess I hate the idea of giving up hope because we had such great potential, or so I thought! She's never given me the "we will never get back together" spiel. Link to comment
Shane Falco Posted May 4, 2016 Share Posted May 4, 2016 She's never given me the "we will never get back together" spiel. Most don't. This means nothing. Link to comment
hrtbrokengirl Posted May 4, 2016 Author Share Posted May 4, 2016 I appreciate everyone's input greatly but I guess I still have some sort of hope left. I feel like everyone's situations differ somewhat, and I should've known better than to think there'd be very many successful reconciliation stories. Lol Link to comment
Shane Falco Posted May 4, 2016 Share Posted May 4, 2016 I appreciate everyone's input greatly but I guess I still have some sort of hope left. I feel like everyone's situations differ somewhat, and I should've known better than to think there'd be very many successful reconciliation stories. Lol So now you're going with the "everyone must be bitter" stance since you aren't hearing what you want to hear? Link to comment
hrtbrokengirl Posted May 4, 2016 Author Share Posted May 4, 2016 So now you're going with the "everyone must be bitter" stance since you aren't hearing what you want to hear? Not quite... I'm saying that this website is for us that have not had positive outcomes in the past with things like this, hence why we are all here. This website isn't meant for success stories per se, and I was verbalizing my thoughts regarding that. I did not mean to take an "everyone must be bitter" stance. Link to comment
hrtbrokengirl Posted May 4, 2016 Author Share Posted May 4, 2016 I do not want this thread to become negative in any sense of the word! Any and all advice is greatly appreciated, as previously stated. Link to comment
Lonelyislandgr Posted May 5, 2016 Share Posted May 5, 2016 Hey girl! I'm in a similar boat with my guy. We hung out a couple weeks after the break up. And I asked about what we were and he won't even respond. Sometimes people are just scared to say how they feel or being with someone again Link to comment
Cthun Posted May 5, 2016 Share Posted May 5, 2016 There is hope as long as you cling to hope. Be happy with yourself. Forgive yourself, improve you lifestyle. Remember... everything will be okay in the end. if its not okay; then its not the end. Link to comment
Shane Falco Posted May 5, 2016 Share Posted May 5, 2016 Not quite... I'm saying that this website is for us that have not had positive outcomes in the past with things like this, hence why we are all here. This website isn't meant for success stories per se, and I was verbalizing my thoughts regarding that. I did not mean to take an "everyone must be bitter" stance. There are some success stories on this site, but there aren't many for two reasons. 1) Like you said, some people that succeed don't come back and 2) More people fail than succeed at reconciliation. Either way, it's not up to you to "keep hope alive" -- it's up to her to convince you that you should give her a second chance. And there's really nothing in what you've written that suggests that she wants to do that, unfortunately. Link to comment
hrtbrokengirl Posted May 5, 2016 Author Share Posted May 5, 2016 Hey girl! I'm in a similar boat with my guy. We hung out a couple weeks after the break up. And I asked about what we were and he won't even respond. Sometimes people are just scared to say how they feel or being with someone again Oh man, I'm sorry to hear that you two haven't spoken Do you think it's worth me reaching out and asking her to coffee? I would hate to not take the risk and spend a long time wondering "what if." Link to comment
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