Promotion update

[Hell_On_Heels]

After waiting some time to hear about my promotion, I finally got some news yesterday. I did not get it - and I'd be fine with it except for the reason why.

 

Quick recap - I had worked at that location last year, and transferred because my manager was incredibly awful (extreme), and because I thought the new location had opportunity for me. My old location now had me as a client, and currently have to process my work requests.

 

The staff was asked how they'd feel about having me back, and the staff feels that I purposely try to get them to break rules to get them into trouble. There is a lot of back story to this - suffice to say they made some very large errors and then refused to correct them. They were being directed by my previous manager who continued to hold a grudge against me. Their refusal to correct the errors meant that it all showed up on our financials, so the controller and the CFO knew about it. The controller filed a complaint against my previous manager and the person responsible for the errors.

 

My previous manager's spin on this was that I purposely got them into trouble. They seem to believe this completely.

 

On one hand, I agree with the decision to not promote me. Now that I know how they perceive me, I can't imagine the stress of having the entire staff thinking I'm out to get them.

 

On the other hand, there is a growing movement within the company to either eliminate or vastly change this department because they aren't knowledgeable, or helpful, or involved in any way with meeting the company's changing needs. I've been fighting like mad to try and save the department - mainly because I know them all, and I know how much damage my previous manager did. I had faith in them, and believed they could turn it all around with the right coaching, training, and guidance.

 

They need intense training. It's clear to me now that I can't be the one to provide it. Ironic when you consider that I am labeled as the company expert. Their distrust of me makes them suspicious of anything I say or do...and unfortunately, very few of them have enough initiative to go research this on their own.

 

So beyond the awfulness of picking their knives out of my back, my main concern is my reputation with the managers there. I know the highest manager doesn't believe a word of it, and in fact couldn't stop laughing when I recounted some of the issues I've been having with them. Bitter, cynical laughter caused by my previous manager and her legacy. He is trying to find ways to chip away at this. I appreciate it, and I understand why he's trying - he knows the department is on its way out if he doesn't salvage it, and he knows I'm the only person with the knowledge, skill, and ideas to save it.

 

But I don't know whether other managers believe this about me. I'd like to let it lie for a few weeks, and then have a conversation to address their concerns about me. While I don't think those managers have a lot of weight any more (in terms of the whole company), I'm extremely uncomfortable with having these accusations hanging over me.

 

Thoughts?

[catfeeder]

I'm sorry to hear this, HOH. Where does this leave you in terms of your current position? Will you still relocate back to the old department? How much do you need to deal with them?

[Hell_On_Heels]

Thank you. I'm definitely struggling with it emotionally - not the promotion part. It's the attack on my integrity that has me reeling.

 

My current position is secure. My controller has been asking what work/position would make me want to stay. Last week, we finally found one that captures my interest. (Since I wasn't hearing anything on the promotion, I was assuming I didn't get it.) Basically, I want a job where I solve problems, and then hand the work over to someone else once it's efficient. A finance project manager, I guess. Even if that doesn't pan out, both the controller and the CFO will be happy to have me remain in my current position, so I'm as secure as anyone else, at this point.

 

I won't be relocating back to the old location. I will have to continue to deal with the staff several times a week because they do the basic data entry for me (and all of our other locations). I'll maintain the same professional behavior that I always use, but at least I finally understand why they fight me on every request I send up there. That will help me to get my work pushed through - we are audited on the accuracy and timeliness of transactions.

 

My mind is already turning to the benefits of not getting the promotion - the universe must've been preparing me for the bad news...All week I've been asking myself if I really want to move back. And I would have for 2 reasons - 1) to fix the dept because they are still dear to me and I want them to be successful, and 2) making them successful would've sealed my work reputation and offered me all kinds of opportunity.

 

It's so bitter. I've been working so hard for them, and all this time they've been convinced I'm out to hurt them. I'm trying to put that aside to deal with later. I do have to find a way to handle mgmt. I don't even know if the managers actually believe this stuff or not. And that's what I have to address - someway, somehow.

[Hell_On_Heels]

deleted, not necessary

[catfeeder]

I'll maintain the same professional behavior that I always use, but at least I finally understand why they fight me on every request I send up there. That will help me to get my work pushed through - we are audited on the accuracy and timeliness of transactions.

 

There's your answer. You can raise the auditing if anyone presents any barriers, and I wouldn't take it any deeper than that.

 

My mind is already turning to the benefits of not getting the promotion - the universe must've been preparing me for the bad news...All week I've been asking myself if I really want to move back. And I would have for 2 reasons - 1) to fix the dept because they are still dear to me and I want them to be successful, and 2) making them successful would've sealed my work reputation and offered me all kinds of opportunity.

 

Naaah. Neither of those reasons present anything you can't potentially duplicate where you are--and without the poisoned foundation to overcome.

 

Look, your ex supervisor did deep damage, and you're not the only casualty. Those people get to decide whether they'll sink or swim or extricate themselves individually in some manner the way you did. It's not your circus, and those aren't monkeys. They need to play this out without you. Time to let go.

 

As for the move, location is about more than the job. Notice you didn't mention any great advantages to your social life, your love life or your private interests beyond work, so focus on all of those things where you are. Integrate enough of a work/life balance so you're not eating everything about work as your only brain food. That's how we lose objectivity--which doesn't serve us on either side of that imbalance.

 

It's so bitter. I've been working so hard for them, and all this time they've been convinced I'm out to hurt them. I'm trying to put that aside to deal with later.

 

Good. You'll need a big enough gap to recognize that the less we touch some things, the more they often have a way of proving that they can play themselves out on their own.

 

You ex supervisor made that environment too emotionally charged for you to operate in ways that can be of value to it anymore. That's okay, it happens--but the lesson is as much for us as for everyone else concerned. Everyone gets something different from the outcome, and yours may need to be detachment.

 

I do have to find a way to handle mgmt. I don't even know if the managers actually believe this stuff or not. And that's what I have to address - someway, somehow.

 

Uhm...I'd back-burner that. You already have one or more allies there that are likely to do a better job at working this than your emotional self. This isn't as charged for anyone else, and you're likely to come off as too invested in contrast to them.

 

It's a knee-jerk reaction to want to 'correct' any misperceptions about us. However, when we 'react' rather than await opportunities for appropriate 'response' we can amplify problems that would otherwise self correct, and we can come off as nut cases in the process.

 

You're in a good place where you are. You're reacting to old noise. Allow time and distance to work their magic along with anyone who knows better. Drudging can be more dangerous to an environment than not. Things have a way of settling in our favor when we can keep our hands away from places where it's not necessary to lay them.

 

Outlast this, and head high.

[Hell_On_Heels]

Naaah. Neither of those reasons present anything you can't potentially duplicate where you are--and without the poisoned foundation to overcome.

 

Look, your ex supervisor did deep damage, and you're not the only casualty. Those people get to decide whether they'll sink or swim or extricate themselves individually in some manner the way you did. It's not your circus, and those aren't monkeys. They need to play this out without you. Time to let go.

 

Wow. You are so on target! Thank you for being rational and wise. I needed to hear this because I'm still an emotional muppet thinly covered with a professional topping.

 

I can only nod and agree, and repeat this to myself over and over. She did do a lot of damage, and I'm not the only casualty. I might be the most "famous" one - but that's temporary. The only way I'll continue to be on the damaged list is if I continue to try and fix things.

 

As for the move, location is about more than the job. Notice you didn't mention any great advantages to your social life, your love life or your private interests beyond work, so focus on all of those things where you are. Integrate enough of a work/life balance so you're not eating everything about work as your only brain food. That's how we lose objectivity--which doesn't serve us on either side of that imbalance.

 

Spot on again. Moving back to my old location wouldn't have provided much socially, even with my 2 sons there. They - rightfully - have lives of their own, and they like to visit me here. Get the required mom visit in, play at the beach...it's not bad, lol.

 

I haven't made any real effort to form a social life here. I guess I've been in limbo, not certain if I was staying or not. Now I know. I joined a book club over the weekend, and signed up for a soap-making class. I have a massive list of things I'd like to try, or do again. I have been making friends from the local knit store, and I'm also forming close friendships with 2 women from work - but I've been reserved with it, again not sure if I was staying. Now I can be more active in those friendships.

 

Dating - not yet. I don't have my life together enough yet. That stuff seems to take care of itself anyway. The more I am out doing things, the more likely it is that I'll meet someone interesting - and being active makes me more interesting, too.

 

You ex supervisor made that environment too emotionally charged for you to operate in ways that can be of value to it anymore. That's okay, it happens--but the lesson is as much for us as for everyone else concerned. Everyone gets something different from the outcome, and yours may need to be detachment.

 

Ahhhh, detachment. I have some issues there, I'll be honest. It's been strange. The second the senior manager told me I didn't get the promotion, I felt the weight roll off my shoulders. I looked outside my window. My thought was, "Oh look. I'll have a sunshiney life. I wonder if I can grow tomatoes there by the lanai."

 

Then when I heard why...well, that started the inner turmoil. I don't know why I think I have to try and "save" people who clearly aren't interest in my brand of being saved. Is it arrogance? Or do I truly see ahead, and try to stop bad things from happening? It's probably a combination.

 

Whatever it is, it's a relief that it isn't on me any more. And no one put the burden there but me.

 

I'm a very strong person. I know it. Everyone around me knows it. When you're strong, people have a tendency to put their responsibilities on you...and I definitely have the tendency to accept their responsibilities, making them my own. This is not good for me or the people around me. I'm getting better at it, but still fall into potholes, like this one. Thank you for helping me see that clearly.

 

From a pragmatic view, I already knew I couldn't help them, or the manager I like so much. I can't manage them, and I can't train them because the trust isn't there. Period. As for the other managers, I could train them and they could pass it on to the staff...but I've been emailing them and calling them for months asking for support on this or that. I've had absolutely no response, except one. One of the managers begged me not to go to the senior manager because that would be bad for them.

 

Seriously? Just do your job. That's all I'm asking for. And so...yes, I have to detach from all of them, and anything they might ask me to do. I have a hard time with people who aren't proactive, so I've been worried that I'm being spiteful. The truth is I've been doing more for them than they've been doing for themselves.

 

 

Uhm...I'd back-burner that. You already have one or more allies there that are likely to do a better job at working this than your emotional self. This isn't as charged for anyone else, and you're likely to come off as too invested in contrast to them.

 

Yes, you're absolutely right. I'll look like the emotional loon.

 

It's a knee-jerk reaction to want to 'correct' any misperceptions about us. However, when we 'react' rather than await opportunities for appropriate 'response' we can amplify problems that would otherwise self correct, and we can come off as nut cases in the process.

 

You're in a good place where you are. You're reacting to old noise. Allow time and distance to work their magic along with anyone who knows better. Drudging can be more dangerous to an environment than not. Things have a way of settling in our favor when we can keep our hands away from places where it's not necessary to lay them.

 

Again, so right. I often say we need to act, not react. Thank you for that - I'm reacting, trying to fix things (again). Trying to convince others of my integrity will not convince them of my integrity. Only my actions can do that, over time, and then only if they choose to look.

 

I need to practice not caring what the staff thinks of me. If headquarters does shut down their department (which could be happening based on recent events), they will blame me. Yet, if they really thought I had that much power, they would've pretended to befriend me, not attack me. I am their scapegoat, but that doesn't make me the one truly at fault. They refuse to be accountable for themselves.

 

I have to quit protecting them. I have to treat them as I would any other coworker.

 

This has been so helpful - I can't express how much it's helped, and how grateful I am. Thank you.

 

I'm very lucky to be where I am. My job is good. The controller and I seemed to have ironed out our problems. We've basically agreed that it's ok if we fight from time to time, behind closed doors. He's happy I am staying, and working on new projects for me. He knows I could still transfer back into another department or position, so I haven't lost all leverage.

 

I will focus on my things - my current job, which is going well, friendships, hobbies, and decorating my apartment. I have the bare white walls of a transient, lol. I start to feel like a deadbeat because I'm only taking care of myself, and then I remind myself I've earned this.

 

One last thing. The senior manager and the director at the old location contacted me yesterday for some information. I sent it on, with nothing extra, no emotions or input at all. Just friendly and professional. I can do this

[catfeeder]

GREAT post, HOH!

 

I don't know why I think I have to try and "save" people who clearly aren't interest in my brand of being saved. Is it arrogance? Or do I truly see ahead, and try to stop bad things from happening? It's probably a combination.

 

Sure, maybe a combo plate. I'd factor in an urge to be seen as a hero along with a habit of using work or other people's problems as distraction from focusing on your own life.

 

Nobody does or ever will trust someone with a disproportionate focus on the job. It models exactly what people do NOT want for themselves, and so even the best abilities to problem solve aren't helpful when they come from someone already pegged as having bad judgment in a broader sense.

 

This is why 'balance' is more beneficial than extremes. It's challenging to those who tend to focus like a laser beam on work or anything they can use as a barrier to tackling the private stuff that scares them.

 

Allowing yourself to roll with 'what is' for long enough to build relationships will demonstrate respect, which becomes mutual over time. From there, you can offer, "I have some thoughts about this--please let me know if you'd be interested in hearing them..." and then leave it at that until they seek that information from you. It plants seeds that you trust others to cultivate rather than bulldozing over anyone to show how 'right' you can be.

 

Rightness builds resentment rather than teamwork. It's an art form to allow others to take credit for ideas that they learn from you and implement rather than perceive as being pushed upon them. That's shared success, because humility allows for everyone to get a win.

 

So glad to hear of your expanding interests. Living in the 'now' is stuff people write books about, because it is a skill that will bring you breadth, not just the depth of a laser drill. Go YOU!

 

(((Hugs)))

Cat

[Hell_On_Heels]

So, holy cow, I've never looked at my work-aholicism as a distraction from my life. I've always said that it's the one thing I'm good at. The unspoken part of that declaration is : it's the one thing I'm good at, as opposed to relationships. I didn't even see that until just now. I blame you, I mean thank you, lol.

 

I'm writing it down so I have it nearby while I knit tonight. I have a lot of thinking to do!