Need help: In a horrible perdicment between two good men..

[cswat65]

Hello to anyone who's reading, I apreciate any feedback.. I've been struggling with this for the last couple of months now.

 

Okay, about in the summer of 2015, I had met this guy (well not technically met, I've known him forever) but now as a love interest. His name was Alex. So, we had started dating and everything was perfect.. I had/still deep down believe he is the one for me. We moved really fast but I honestly could be my 100 percent authentic self around him and he gave me nothing but the very best in return. Within two months he was pretty much at my house everday and I hardly went a day without seeing him. Here comes the issue that started it all, he had been in some legal trouble with his past, he had been caught by the police with some marjiuanna and didn't show up to court for it, so he had a warrant out for his arrest. As a couple, after our two month relationship, we decided it would be best for him and I if he went and turned himself in to the police to get it over with. So I ended up driving him to the police station and dropping him off as I vowed to stick by his side through it all, although I had no idea what I was really getting myself into. Long story short, he ended up being away from me for 7 months, no seeing him, I was able to talk to him on the phone twice, and the only way I could contact him regurely was through letters. We continued writing letters back and fourth for the whole time.. until.

 

My ex. Well not really my ex, let me explain lol. About a year before I meant the man I thought I wanted to spend my life with, I was with another man named Jordan. At the time I had really almost loved Jordan but he just wasn't ready for commitment and didn't treat me right. It was kinda a only talk and hang out when he felt like it type of thing but at the end of the day there's no commitment. I had stopped talking to him and only wanted to be with Alex. Now that Alex was gone and it had been a ocuple of months, I went to meet Jordan to go eat and get some dinner. I meant nothing by it (stupid me right). But as time went on me and Jordan started hanging out more and he seemed completly different to me. Which was good, he wanted to commit to me, and told me he loved me and only wanted me. This would've been great news if I would've heard it a year ago but not know because I thought Alex was the one.

 

I ended up breaking up with Alex through a letter (3 months before he got out) and tried to work things out with Jordan. And everything was going great, he was being perfect to me and at the time I thought I had made the right decision leaving Alex.

 

Then about, two weeks ago.. Alex got out of the facitliy that he was at serving out his time. He had called to get all of his clothes and his cell phone from me and showed up at my house. I gave him his clothes and he had told me how he still wanted to be with me because he also believed I was the one for him. Seeing Alex brought back every single feeling I had thought I forgot for him. Now that I am still with Jordan it's like nothing is the same ever since I saw Alex. Jordan is great, and we have fun but at the end of the day I end up just feeling sad that he isn't Alex.

 

This is where I just do not know what to do. I hate that I am even in this positon. With Alex, not a lot of people like him where I am from but that doesn't matter to me because I like him. With Jordan, everyone likes him but he has the reputation of not being the best guy by any means.

 

Its just Alex and I had talked about marriage and what our home would look like and things like that, while with Jordan we've barely talked about anything like that. I still have worries about Jordan being faithful to me (even though he is) while I know that Alex would never leave me.

 

My parents do not like Alex which makes things much harder, my parents love Jordan though. But then again all my parents know is the bad about Alex and all the good about jordan. I just want someone who I can see a future with and I honestly thought and still think it is Alex.. I just feel like something is stopping me from making the decision to leave Jordan and go back with Alex. Alex has told me that whatever decision ill make he'll respect. while on the other hand, Jordan would be very angry if I broke up with him for Alex. I'd even be scared of jordan trashing me to everyone or doing something to my car like slashing my tires..

 

I just am looking for some advice from someone non-biast. I've been very much struggling on what to do for awhile now. I understand I may not have made the best decisions through this all, but I just want to make the right decision for my future and not waste my time. Any thoughts??

Thank you to all that give advice!!

[DoF]

You deserve NEITHER of them to be honest. If you respect and really care about them, leave them both and take some time off to reevaluate yourself and fix yourself.

 

Put yourself in Alex shoes. He went to jail for you (although it was coming anyways) to get over the past and move on with life with you......and you get it on with your Ex, not only an ex but someone that was unhealthy for you in the past?

 

Also one can say that you cheated? After all while you were engaging with Jordan you were still with Alex yeah? Not cool. Fact that he still wants you should also tell you that perhaps Alex is not so smart. What smart man would take back a woman like you......

 

You have a long history and tendency of getting involved with the wrong man. This means you need to check yourself, work on yourself before you date again. I say 6 months to a year and no opposite sex contact. Then date someone new. You damaged BOTH of these relationships beyond repair.

[hazel125]

You deserve NEITHER of them to be honest. If you respect and really care about them, leave them both and take some time off to reevaluate yourself and fix yourself.

 

Put yourself in Alex shoes. He went to jail for you (although it was coming anyways) to get over the past and move on with life with you......and you get it on with your Ex, not only an ex but someone that was unhealthy for you in the past?

 

Also one can say that you cheated? After all while you were engaging with Jordan you were still with Alex yeah? Not cool. Fact that he still wants you should also tell you that perhaps Alex is not so smart. What smart man would take back a woman like you......

 

You have a long history and tendency of getting involved with the wrong man. This means you need to check yourself, work on yourself before you date again. I say 6 months to a year and no opposite sex contact. Then date someone new. You damaged BOTH of these relationships beyond repair.

 

I also agree with Dof, what real woman would dabble with two men? You must be either young or not too experienced in relationships and seem like the type of woman who just bails on her current guy whenever a better prospect appears. "I feel like he's the one" that's totally false, if you felt like he was the one you wouldn't have did anything to jeopardize your relationship, let alone breaking up with him through a letter while he's in prison, that's pretty harsh. Seems to me like the one who went to prison deserves a woman that will actually stay by his side. He turned himself in to HELP your relationship, let's be serious how many men do you really think your going to meet that would be willing to go to prison for a woman? I'd say slim chance to none. You need time away from the opposite sex and figure out what you really want. I'd tell you to leave both of them alone but seeing how most women like to have options I doubt you will. Goodluck.

[Waraqqa]

Alex has told me that whatever decision ill make he'll respect. while on the other hand, Jordan would be very angry if I broke up with him for Alex. I'd even be scared of jordan trashing me to everyone or doing something to my car like slashing my tires..

 

Well, to me, the fact that you envision such things from Jordan would be enough NOT to be with him.

Through some sad experiences, I am a strong believer that lots of people show their true nature in the aftermath of things. It is easy to be charming and kind when you are trying to convince someone to be with you. But to me, if someone behaves in the way that says "ok, now that I've got nothing else to lose, I can be a total jerk" is scary. Call me crazy and demanding, but I have more respect and admiration for noble type of people, who even after "losing" me will continue to show a civil and kind side - that kind of behaviour a couple of times actually made me doubt whether I should've left them, and mos def increases the man's chances of getting me back (not that I like to play back&forth, but some situations due to various factors (long distance, misunderstanding, smth situational etc) can turn out like that). Of course, such nobility and love is not to be "expected", it something of an above and beyond kind of luck.

But anyway if a guy behaves like a total callous jerk and takes off his mask thinking there's nothing more to lose, then my decision becomes reinforced and I think: whew, this was right, and I dodged a bullet.

 

On the one hand, I think you are really lucky that Alex still would wait for your decision. I don't necessarily think it is stupid, I think it is rare. It is just a pity that you had left him the way you did to try it out with someone else, and I also think there may be potential for Alex to have some worries and doubts about you in the future based on this. There may be some damage.

 

But at any rate, swithing back and forth between the two guys is not only upsetting for them, but also unhealthy for you. Your whole systed is getting confused, you have both of their energies on you. It may be best to step away from both men and rebalance yourself.