Why does my ex do the things he does?

[funkwithme]

My ex and i broke up about 9 months ago and we go to the same uni.

On Friday, I was out with my friends and I was dancing and everyone started circling me, including his friends and I looked back and realised him coming up behind me to try and dance with me. I pushed him away and he seemed so shocked. I just elbowed him and was like move move!! And he was like "what ?? What??" And my friends just guarded him off.

He proceeded to hover around me and LITERALLY stand and stare everytime I spoke or danced with another guy. I caught him staring at me and watching me most of that night.

 

I cut contact with him straight after the break up but there was a time in december when I saw him out clubbing and he was telling me he missed me and stuff. Told me i look good and tried to kiss me (neither of us were too drunk. Just merry.) and we spent the next day together (we just chilled. Nothing sexual) . He kept stroking my hair and kissing my forehead. Making reference to being back in touch, asking if i could unblock him, talking about how much he enjoyed time we spent together, saying he'd line to talk about the future. (Big mistake on my part. Opened a rotten old can of worms)

However, he didnt contact me after that and i saw him a week later, he actually walked past me and he definately saw me but I stopped him and asked him. He told me I'm over thinking and . I asked him to just tell me if it was a drunk night, he said it was a drunken night but he wanted to speak to me that night.

So I just walked away. Didn't speak again.

 

Why do you think he did this? I feel so annoyed that he thinks he can just come and do that when he's been so hurtful. He didn't even say hi to me or anything prior. Smh.

He always says to me i respect myself so much as i made him wait so long and i dont have many sexual partners and that he admires that I dont let people mess me about.. So why is he trying to do that? Granted...I may have made him think he's still got me round his finger because of what happened in december but when i spoke to him later on, i let him know that was uncalled for if he was going to proceed to pass me after saying all those things.

I'm just hurt and trying to figure out why he keeps causing so much hurt if he was the one that basically didn't want me .. I treated him so well and this is what i get in return smh

 

 

 

(We broke up because he said he needed space but would mess me around. Say he misses me& come with private jokes but wouldnt talk to me properly or talk about our relationship..All of this was around exam period. I got tired of waiting and dumped him which he just accepted without a fight. After that he kept trying to contact me saying he misses me and ge's worried about me but he cabt give me what I want and he doesn't want to lead me astray)

[tiff872]

Unfortunately we tend to think that everyone has the same hearts as us. We tend to think that because we treat someone with love and respect that they are automatically going to do the same thing. That's not how it works though. It sounds to me like this guy is trying to see if he could still have you. It's the attention that he misses and he wants to know that he still has yours. He's trying to make you his "back-burner girl". That's why he acted like he did that night. My advice would be to cut him off completely again. If you see him, ignore him. If he tries to contact you, ignore him. He doesn't deserve the love and respect of someone like you.

[No1]

I used to do this.. So let me decode what he is doing.

He is still seeing if his hooks are in you. Its not about him wanting you, its about you wanting to be with him. Now...its not only that but he is seeing if you still care, still attracted to him, still think of him, worry about him, desire him and/or think of him and IF he really wanted you if he could have you. You could say NO a hundred times but since you are still talking to him, allowing him to touch your hair, kiss your forehead that means your actions is saying YES.

As long as he believes there is a chance he is going to hate any guy near you. So if you want to defeat such a guy, this is what you do.

Tell him you know his game. Of course he will deny playing any game. Or if you dont want to do that.

Tell him him that there is no chance, its over, no door opening, no chance that he will ever get you. Thats not an invitation to try either. No more touching the hair, kisses, holding hands.. nothing..

If you want to go further, you tell him to not contact you. Youll be courtious but please dont try to talk to you. He has his chance and its done. Then you have to stick to your words. He will test you, he will try to call you, touch you, dance with you, kiss you, he will think whatever you said you were joking and he is going to try. Dont give in. Eventually he will give up.

[funkwithme]

I used to do this.. So let me decode what he is doing.

He is still seeing if his hooks are in you. Its not about him wanting you, its about you wanting to be with him. Now...its not only that but he is seeing if you still care, still attracted to him, still think of him, worry about him, desire him and/or think of him and IF he really wanted you if he could have you. You could say NO a hundred times but since you are still talking to him, allowing him to touch your hair, kiss your forehead that means your actions is saying YES.

As long as he believes there is a chance he is going to hate any guy near you. So if you want to defeat such a guy, this is what you do.

Tell him you know his game. Of course he will deny playing any game. Or if you dont want to do that.

Tell him him that there is no chance, its over, no door opening, no chance that he will ever get you. Thats not an invitation to try either. No more touching the hair, kisses, holding hands.. nothing..

If you want to go further, you tell him to not contact you. Youll be courtious but please dont try to talk to you. He has his chance and its done. Then you have to stick to your words. He will test you, he will try to call you, touch you, dance with you, kiss you, he will think whatever you said you were joking and he is going to try. Dont give in. Eventually he will give up.

 

Maybe I didn't make it clear. My apologies.

We have NEVER been in communication since break up. He told me he misses me etc through messages...trying to get through to me through my flatmates. But I still look straight through him. (We live like 3 doors down)

Unfortunately, that day was a weak moment. He left me with no closure and I guess a part of my prode wanted to prove it wasn't all for nothing.

BUT after that and before that I went NC and STAYED NC. I have never replied to ANY of his contact. Infact, as soon as I dumped him. I blocked him off everything. He was still able to get through to me via an app that doesn't allow you to block if they have your number.

 

I do know that it seems he has a chance since that slip up happened but he knows me. I will go for what I want. Now, yes his ego may see it otherwise and again, my mistake. But thats not way to think. If you didn't want me, why are you staring at me, watching my every move, trying to catch my eye so you can smile at me. Literally being my shadow.

 

I guess I am more angry at myself than anything. I hate that I gave my time to such an ass but you are most likely right.

It's down to him wanting an ego boost . I mean, he wanted to break up.. if i gave you my attention for a hot sec (in december) but I was dancing with another dude.. Shouldn't he have got his fix? Like shouldn't that be enough? When we did chill together, he said he didn't like how I just ignored him . I gave you an inch so why are you not done messing with me.

 

He's the first ex I hate so much and would like to see suffer and even that disappoints me.... It just makes me so angry.

 

Addressing your advice, this could actually be a way for him to regain the power in this dynamic he may say "i wasnt watching you, dont flatter yourself" or something that makes me look silly...

I kinda would rather not speak to him.

I know him so trust me on this one. Me rejecting him may have been enough for him to at least not try a move like that again because I found that to be mostly disrespectful.

[funkwithme]

In saying he was most annoy that I cut him off...

I really do feel like his response is down to me seeming like I don't care and not chasing him.

My phone is broken so I have no idea if he has contacted me. But I saw him last night and he again was just watching me.

I feel like .... If you are correct, silence is the best poison for someone like him.

I'm not disregarding you advice because if it was a previous ex, I'd do that. But me and this ex have not been on real talking terms since..... We broke up lol.

[HeartGoesOn]

My phone is broken so I have no idea if he has contacted me.

 

According to one of your posts, you "blocked him from everything." If not, you're leaving a door open giving him a clear opportunity to harass you.

[funkwithme]

According to one of your posts, you "blocked him from everything." If not, you're leaving a door open giving him a clear opportunity to harass you.

 

Yes I have. To the point where he questioned me when we broke up. As soon as I blocked him, he realised. And messaged me. Then I blocked him off my phone. He even asked me to unblock him when we spoke in dec

But theres an app I use to speak to family abroad that he also has.

He can still get through to me if he has my number.

 

I guess the door is open because we of course go to the same uni, have mutual friends, get invited to the same things and live near each other...

Not by choice though.

[No1]

He will eventually move on to another girl and leave you be. It just sucks you have to go thru this. But you are doing good, stay strong and dont reply if/when he contacts you. You know his game now.

[funkwithme]

He will eventually move on to another girl and leave you be. It just sucks you have to go thru this. But you are doing good, stay strong and dont reply if/when he contacts you. You know his game now.

Thank you so much.

It's true..

[Lozzcat]

I know how much this hurts when they do that my ex is doing the exact same thing always coming over with the most idiotic excuses to talk to me which I used to brush off then once he kept kissing me telling me he missed me, would call me the next day etc he didn't I called him and he just said sorry I was drunk I don't remember any of that! Since then I've taken the approach that you have and just ignored him completely when he comes over and I know its killing him (we have mutual friends) Stay strong and keep going as No 1 said he will stop eventually (god I can't wait for that time!). There are times when I want to contact him when I feel down but I just come on here and read some posts and then think god no or I see a post that explains exactly what he is doing this is an amazing one for me.