If a friend doesn't contact you after 2 months...

[chellywriter]

Does that mean they don't consider you a friend anymore, or just needs space?

 

I had an argument with a friend two months ago. I'd asked him why he was withdrawing after we'd hung out (I only asked because I worry for my friends, so when they act out of character I want to see if anything's wrong.)

He stated I was too awkward and overly quirky to where it was cringeworthy and inane...

 

I know this questions kind of vague...

[Zartos]

The answer to the vague question is "not necessarily." I've gone months without seeing or talking to certain friends of mine. Normally it will be because the person in question had something new and major come up in their life. A new relationship / a newfound commitment to furthering their career / a baby! ... things along those lines. I've never had an issue thinking of these people as still being my friends, or going back to talking with them more often when they had more time available.

 

Your situation sounds different. The last time you talked was an argument. An argument where he seemed to reveal that he doesn't appreciate who you are. What he saw as "awkward" and "cringeworthy" behavior could have easily been viewed as you being "silly" and a "goofball who is a joy to be around" by someone who is more in-tune to your personality. It doesn't sound like he valued the sensitivity you have to your friends emotional states very highly either.

 

My judgement, based on not knowing you at all, and only these 50 words you have typed, is that you should forget about him and focus your energy on building friendships with people who will appreciate you!

[Zartos]

(sorry for double post)

 

I read your other threads. That guy sounds like a disrespectful monster who you should absolutely not try to befriend again. Seriously, it is absolutely cruel how he has treated you. God... I think I may too easily get emotionally invested in people to be visiting this site lol

 

He sounds horrible for you. He was horrible for you when your life was in a happier place, and he will positively be even worse for you now. Do not contact him. You were not being quirky or inane, you were standing up for yourself and he was lashing back to hurt you. It shows no respect at all for the life you've had or the person you are. It's especially frightening how he couldn't even seem to respect that you legitimately liked and cared for him.

 

NO. NO. NO... no

[ssgirl1010]

Chelly,

 

I hope that you, at least, took the time to read the two posts to your original thread. One of which was from me.

 

What you described in your original thread about your ex-friend was quite appalling. You said that he told you he is a sociopath and a narcissist and from what you described, I don't think he is far off from what he has described.

 

You watered it down - way way down - in this new thread you started. That can usually mean only one thing: you are definitely not over this guy. That is horribly unfortunate given how you described him in your original thread.

 

If what you said is true in your original thread, you know very well that this guy is not even close to being good enough for you. He has major problems. You just don't want to see them for what they really are.

 

If you want to continue to figure out how you can be in a relationship with someone as you described, but it will not help your life or your health or your personal growth. Wish you the best.

[chellywriter]

Chelly,

 

I hope that you, at least, took the time to read the two posts to your original thread. One of which was from me.

 

What you described in your original thread about your ex-friend was quite appalling. You said that he told you he is a sociopath and a narcissist and from what you described, I don't think he is far off from what he has described.

 

You watered it down - way way down - in this new thread you started. That can usually mean only one thing: you are definitely not over this guy. That is horribly unfortunate given how you described him in your original thread.

 

If what you said is true in your original thread, you know very well that this guy is not even close to being good enough for you. He has major problems. You just don't want to see them for what they really are.

 

If you want to continue to figure out how you can be in a relationship with someone as you described, but it will not help your life or your health or your personal growth. Wish you the best.

 

Everything I said before was the absolute truth. I'm just struggling with entirely letting go right now. I'm just having a hard time understanding why he's done all this... I'm just so, so baffled, but I'm working on moving on.

[Hollyj]

Why are you having a hard time eliminating someone who is abusive? Why are you trying to make sense of it? The guy is a jerk. This is not about you. Accept it, and move on.

 

Please get some counseling. It sounds like you have extreme self esteem issues.

[sunnz]

He was never a friend, he was just a guy playing around and taking advantage of you, it seems you grew attached to him very quickly so I believe you may have low self esteem issues, and will latch on to someone even if they treat you badly. It might be about being accepted or out of loneliness, there are better people out there in this world, block him from everything and do not contact or reply to anything he sends. he is a predator and a sexual one too !

 

This guy is just playing around, no need to understand he is no good.

 

I had a 'friend' I term that loosely that treated me no good too, sometimes verbally picking on me mostly online, I let that go on for 4 years because I had feelings for this sad loser ! And then suddenly I woke up after he started to say bad things again, I never allowed him back in my life again, 5-6 years later the loser still tries to contact me - I just look and laugh !

 

Release this attachment he's just a slug. Losers like him get no where in life.

[chellywriter]

Why are you having a hard time eliminating someone who is abusive? Why are you trying to make sense of it? The guy is a jerk. This is not about you. Accept it, and move on.

 

Please get some counseling. It sounds like you have extreme self esteem issues.

 

Well, I don't have low self esteem issues, so please don't insult me with such a suggestion.

What I am, however, is a compassionate person who enjoys helping people and making them happy, and this guy told me how he used to be bullied and was cheated on twice.

I view this as compassion, not low self esteem. So please, refrain from using the self esteem excuse.

I have no problem with that. I just have too much compassion...

 

I don't latch on to people, trust me.

I won't seek help for something that isn't there lol

[chellywriter]

He was never a friend, he was just a guy playing around and taking advantage of you, it seems you grew attached to him very quickly so I believe you may have low self esteem issues, and will latch on to someone even if they treat you badly. It might be about being accepted or out of loneliness

 

Release this attachment he's just a slug. Losers like him get no where in life.

 

I'm sorry for what happened to you. That's awful.

 

I'm not lonely, I don't even know what that feels like. I pretty much enjoy being alone, a lot.

I didn't latch on to him quickly, either.

I couldn't care less about being accepted. I don't wear makeup, I go to movies alone, I avoid trends, etc. So being accepted is the least of my concerns.

And no, I don't have self esteem issues. I feel like people love throwing that one around because you can just about label anything with it lol.

I'm just a very, very compassionate person.

 

With his charismatic attitude, he'll make it far. He wants to work in film, and he'll make sure he gets there lol.

[Hollyj]

Well, I don't have low self esteem issues, so please don't insult me with such a suggestion.

What I am, however, is a compassionate person who enjoys helping people and making them happy, and this guy told me how he used to be bullied and was cheated on twice.

I view this as compassion, not low self esteem. So please, refrain from using the self esteem excuse.

I have no problem with that. I just have too much compassion...

 

I don't latch on to people, trust me.

I won't seek help for something that isn't there lol

 

Allowing people to treat you like garbage is not being compassionate, it shows is that you do do not value or respect yourself. The fact that you are so defensive on the observation , indicates that you know there is truth in the statement. BTW, it is not an insult.

 

You are in serious denial!

[ThatwasThen]

He stated I was too awkward and overly quirky to where it was cringeworthy and inane...

He is outright telling you that he doesn't want to be your friend because you and he are incompatible and likely he had to get straight up and in your face to get you to understand that he was ending your interaction outright.

Were you always trying to be his friend while he was being indifferent? To be that rude to you, makes it sound like it was his last resort to try and get you to see that he's not interested in being your friend??? If he's been a "monster" to you in the past that you needed to make other posts about him, then I have to ask why you kept in touch with him?

[Zartos]

He is outright telling you that he doesn't want to be your friend because you and he are incompatible and likely he had to get straight up and in your face to get you to understand that he was ending your interaction outright.

Were you always trying to be his friend while he was being indifferent? To be that rude to you, makes it sound like it was his last resort to try and get you to see that he's not interested in being your friend??? If he's been a "monster" to you in the past that you needed to make other posts about him, then I have to ask why you kept in touch with him?

 

He was outright telling her this because she wouldn't have sex with him within hours of them meeting for the first time after he had taken all of his clothes off in front of her. The other thread which she declares as being the "absolute truth" is honestly quite disturbing.

 

Chelly, I think that you should see a psychiatrist. No one is trying to make fun of you for having low self-esteem. I have no idea if that is or is not what your issue is, but it sounds like a lot of people have not treated you right for a long time. You sound like a generally cool person (compassionate, writer, traveler, into horror) who has had some garbage luck with the people you've been around. You're exactly the type of person the entire mental health industry is intended to help. You managed to pull together the funds to get to Australia, and I think your next mission should be to put forth that same effort towards talking to a professional who can help put your life on a path towards happiness.

[ssgirl1010]

Chelly - All of us responding to this thread are saying the same thing: you should stay far, far away from this guy and do not contact him.

 

I think deep in your gut you know that is what you need to do but for some reason you cannot let go. I don't know what that reason is but you will know.

 

You are trying to understand why he is the way he is. He told you he is a sociopath and a narcissist + all of the other things you mentioned in your original post. They were appalling.

 

Please don't waste another minute trying to understand him. Instead, you may find it worthwhile to spend time reflecting on you and why you are having a hard time letting go of someone whose behaviour is so obviously & extremely troubling and disturbing. I would not trust this individual - as you described him - with a goldfish.

 

You may want to explore some options for therapy and see if you can use therapy as a way to help you understand why you cannot let go.

 

I am posting this response in order to be helpful because I was in a bad relationship (not similar to your situation at all) and I had a hard time letting go. I always tried to understand him, but then I realized that it was time to understand why I couldn't let a bad relationship go.

[ThatwasThen]

He was outright telling her this because she wouldn't have sex with him within hours of them meeting for the first time after he had taken all of his clothes off in front of her. The other thread which she declares as being the "absolute truth" is honestly quite disturbing.

Okay, just read the other thread and: Yes, very disturbing and the fact that she wants to still be this guys friend is very disconcerting to say the least. What I first posted is correct. He has used her and no longer wants anything else to do with her but she kept imposing so now he got frank to get her to stop trying.

 

Chelly, I think that you should see a psychiatrist. No one is trying to make fun of you for having low self-esteem. I have no idea if that is or is not what your issue is, but it sounds like a lot of people have not treated you right for a long time. You sound like a generally cool person (compassionate, writer, traveler, into horror) who has had some garbage luck with the people you've been around. You're exactly the type of person the entire mental health industry is intended to help. You managed to pull together the funds to get to Australia, and I think your next mission should be to put forth that same effort towards talking to a professional who can help put your life on a path towards happiness.

Totally agree ... Chelly. Where are you parents? Who is your support system if your parents aren't available to provide the nurturing and guidance you need? Is there anyone in your young life that you can rely on to help you get to that professional help?