I'm losing my mind...

[chellywriter]

Hi everyone, I'm new here, so please go easy on me if you answer this.

 

Okay, so, here we go:

 

Back in 2014, I met a guy on FB. We had a mutual friend incommon; I saw he had the same interests as me so I decided to send him a message. He answered promptly.

By the way, I am in America, they're in Australia, so it was a long distance friendship.

 

This guy is my age (he's now 22, I'm 23). We started out with a nice friendship. We talked daily. I genuinely felt he enjoyed talking to me. About two weeks in to talking, he asked if I had a boyfriend, to which I said no. Soon after, he began flirting every oncein a while. I felt a little uncomfortable, as I didn't feel anything for him at that time.

Eventually, a couple months in to talking, he sent me a picture of his penïs. I was creeped out (I was afraid of men at that time due to previous abuse and since I hadn't known him THAT long it made me feel weird). I pushed past the discomfort because I knew he was harmless and we'd always had fun talking. He'd make jokes, vice versa, etc. It seemed like we got each other....

 

Then, in August we Skyped for the first time. He didn't talk much, didn't use video, only speaker. He flirted a bit through text (he'd occasionally talk but stick to text). The next morning... he sent me a good morning message. And like a ton of bricks hit me, the second I saw his profile picture and got that message, I immediately developed feelings for him.

I began to flirt with him, he did, too. I was excited because I thought he really liked me. His flirting got heavier, as he'd always make a flirty comment every time I texted. If I didn't text, he'd text just to say hey. Granted, I texted a lot, but I told him sometimes I don't know if I'm doing something too much and to tell me if I was bothering him. He always said, "You're not bothering me. I enjoy talking to you. "

 

Later in October, however, things got "funny." We Skyped again... but this time he had a camera working (he said previously he didn't have one). And he was sitting naked in a bathtub, the camera switching from his face to his testicles. He didn't say much. He'd flirt through text, smile, and touch himself.

 

This was six hours worth... BTW, I had no idea he was going to be naked. I thought we were going to have a normal Skype chat....

 

A couple days later he changed. If I made a joke, he'd act like I said something stupid. For two weeks he was rude, a different person. No flirting, only sending one or two words to something I sent, poking fun of things I said or acting indifferent.

Then, suddenly, I see he updated his relationship status. I was devastated. I cried so much... I rarely cry... I felt played with, confused. I'd never felt such pain in my heart before, I wanted to rip it out just to not feel like it was tearing in half (it literally felt like it was being torn).

Now, please don't judge me go this, I did it out pain and to seek closure (and our mutual friend suggested I should, as I'd told her, out of pain, that I liked him). I told him I had a crush on him.

He was very nice about it, saying it takes guts to tell someone their feelings, that he doesn't do LDR, it'd be a different story if I were living there, etc.

But being who am, I sometimes can't shut up (it's odd because I'm actually a bit shy), that I thought we could've met up at some time and tried a relationship when I arrived in Australia in 2015 for a trip (he didn't know that. Btw, I've wanted to go go there for 8 years, so it had NOTHING to do with him, I swear.)

He got mad then. He said, "I never even considered going that far with you. I have a loving girlfriend now. If you want to be friends, fine, but if you can't handle that...."

I was shocked. We'd never gotten in to an argument before nor had he gotten so tough with me. I don't think I said anything to warrant the response... I never implied to him I wanted him to ruin his relationship or anything. I was just blabbing, and he knew me better than that.

 

Suffice to say, we quit talking for two months. I was hurt. I was confused. I became fearful of men again (long story). I began to recover in February... when he messaged me. He said he hated to lose a friend, no matter the disagreement or distance, etc.

I replied, still a bit weary. We began talking again. He seemed different, but more normal. No more flirting (though he did make a couple remarks lol)... just chat.

Then, around March, he sent me a pôrn clip. Then another. He asked me to compare them and tell him which one I'd do, and if I'd put my own spin on it. He sent me at least twelve different videos in a week... until saying, "I shouldn't be doing this lol, never mind."

I asked him why he'd do this if he had a girlfriend. He said he was single.

 

After a couple months, I developed an interest again. Now, fyi, I'm not... like alot of girls. I was raised to bottle up feelings, don't like drama (my father was a dramatic, verbally abusive narcissist), and I don't do the feminine wiles thing (too shy and disinterested lol). I hate games that some people play and prefer direct approaches....

 

He made a dirty comment that I don't even remember, but I shrugged it off. We Skyped... He didn't use the camera. Simply saying he only used it before for "the special occasion."

 

He was finally talking to me with his own voice, while playing a video game.

We bribriefly talked about how he was cheated on by his first girlfriend and then by his third one (he told me a year earlier. The fourth girlfriend is who he got with while we were talking). He told me he's a sociopathic, narcissistic . Says he treats his friends bad but a girlfriend great. He told me how he slept with a girl that he met at a party, how she had hairy legs (I say this because he was pretty much wigging on her... including telling me her name), telling me how another girl stunk up his room (I'd made a joke before that, saying, "Guess who?" And he said, "Alice? Alice, you made my room smell like fish!" -- which was a dirty thing, I guess), how he queefed with a girl, how he sleeps with an ex who he deems stupid, etc.

 

Still, I wanted to be his friend. He said he had a gift for me. I was a bit excited (I'm not often excited lol).

A month before the trip, he told me he no longer wanted to fool around and would understand if I was upset. I wasn't. I accepted that we'd only, only be friends (he ain't the first to reject me lol.)

 

The day of the trip comes. A day after I arrive, he comes by the hostel. We hug. He's very nice. Interested in the room, the view, my bag, etc. He came to see me after school. We sat on the bed together in the others body space (you already know where this is going don't you...). We chit chatted. I felt chemistry on my side, I was comfy in his presence. I'm a socially awkward introvert; he's a quiet extrovert. After a couple hours, I felt him staring. I turned to look, and he looked away with a smile. We did this a few times. Feeling flustered, I began to chit chat... While I was in the middle of talking, he leaned in, put one hand on the small of my back and the other on my stomach and began to massage. I couldn't speak. I was too shocked and confused... I did think, "Oh no..." Why? Because I wasn't ready for anything dirty. He knew I was a virgin. And besides, we had only just met in person a couple hours earlier. He got up, said I should give him a massage, and removed his clothes. I was reluctant but gave his back a massage. He said it was nice and asked if I'd give any hot guys one.

He took off his boxers to free the ole fella and begged for a wank.

 

I accidentally let slip out I wanted to try a relationship with him. He said he didn't do long distance... I said we'd only do it while I was there (for four weeks). He agreed. We spent several more hours together... We kissed, held each other. But he sloppily slung his arm over my shoulder like I was furniture. I think I'm easygoing... but he did that while looking at his phone.

 

Long story short, he dumped me a week later when I said I didn't know when I'd be ready for sex. He said I was inexperienced like his ex of eight months (which was a lie -- they'd been together for two). We'd made plans earlier that day to go to a bar and followed through (we both like alcohol... so.. yeah). He was very sweet and being very interested. He had been rude to me the whole week (we'd only seen each other three times, not on a date though). He suddenly suggested dinner and he'd buy if I couldn't afford it. After eating, I told him I could pay (as common courtesy) and he slapped the checkbook against my chest with the most deadpan expression I've ever seen....

We went to a bar and had a quick drink. It was 9pm... and I'd made a rule to not be out late because I was in another country, still unfamiliar to me. He took me to the bus stop, hugged me, and when I asked if he'd go with me, he said, "I would go back with you if we were gonna have sex." He left for his own bus... despite the fact his bus wasn't due for another couple hours. I was scared being alone and tipsy.

 

I kept wanting to see him before I left. He said he'd find time, that I could see his two puppies before I left. A week before I left I asked if we could... and he switched again, "No it's not possible [to see you]." "No I don't think so [can't see the puppies]."

(He knew I loved those dogs and promised I could see them when I got to his country).

I asked once more. He said, "Entice me." I told him all the nice things I'd done (buying him a birthday present, a gift for our meeting, etc). He said that doesn't entice him.

 

A couple days before I left he said he changed his mind... He said he wanted sex. I agreed. I asked him if it'd be special. He said, "No because you're not my girlfriend."

That hurt.

He called it off after I said it made me feel like a after he'd been making arrangements (I might leave before 9pm, I'll be by your place at 3:30, it won't be special). He wouldn't even do ONE dirty thing I wanted to try... He only wanted sex and to maybe watch a movie afterwards, as a fwb.

He told me he was already on the fence about sleeping with me. We argued. He accused me of playing games, contradicting myself, etc.

 

He never saw me before I left. That hurt because I really did like him as a friend, too....

 

A couple months later, in December, I asked if he wanted to meet again when I return this year, "I can't do that. I have a girlfriend now."

I asked why that changed things. He got mad, saying I was awkward in a bad way, that I'm overly quirky, an embarrassing nuisance....

I was upset and couldn't believe this guy who once told me he cared about me, wanted to help me when I got there, would turn on me. He'd been thinking those things about me the whole time of our friendship.....

 

Granted, I'm not perfect. But I accepted him despite his obnoxious shrugs at normal questions, looking at me like I was the embodiment of stupid; his not introducing me to his friend who was WALKING BESIDE US one afternoon, etc.

 

I feel like such an idiot. This is all my fault... I should've known. I think we're both to blame... My being naive, him thinking I was willing to jump in to bed (though surely I never gave that impression.) Maybe if I'd slept with him we'd be good right now... This is all my fault.

It wasn't even a real relationship... We haven't spoken in almost three months. Months before I went to Australia he said the three of us should hang out... But I guess he bailed.

I guess I suck.

[ssgirl1010]

First, you do not suck.

 

Second, please stay away from this guy - way, way too many red flags and I think deep down your gut is telling you to stay away from this guy.

 

Third, how do you think you would have felt if you had sex with him and then he ignored you or tossed you aside? A lot worse, I imagine. Good on you for not giving in to something you were not ready to do.

 

Fourth and most importantly, you say that: "He told me he's a sociopathic, narcissistic . Says he treats his friends bad but a girlfriend great."

 

Don't ever look back on this jerk (even that word is too polite for him). He is no good for a friend or a girlfriend given what you have described. He does sound quite narcissistic and you do not want to be in a relationship with a narcissistic sociopath.

[Sazkaz]

You're not an idiot. He is.

 

Block this guy and spend time with genuine people who have your best interests at heart.

 

This guy sounds toxic and immature. And there is never a time when sending a penis pic to a 'friend' is acceptable. He's being playing with your emotions and using you. And the way he talks about other girls is disgusting and disrespectful.

 

It's understandable that you've lost faith in yourself but don't let this loser make you doubt yourself. There are plenty of decent people out there that wouldn't treat you this way.

 

The best way for you to move on is to accept there's a lesson to be learnt in this and to block all contact with this guy. He will find someone else to use.

 

Keep your head and standards high my lovely lady