Age 27 with High Income but Never Had a Girlfriend

[qwt185]

I'm a 27-year old Asian male with decent height (6'2), although a little skinny (~170lbs). I work as an engineer with ~$200k annual income, drive a brand new BMW M3, and live in a very nice apartment, but my dating history is filled with failure. I immigrated to the US when I was 18, and never had a girlfriend...most girls (including Asians) back in college/grad school weren't interested in me because I'm not White. Ever since I left school there have been very few chances where I can get to know girls, and in 90% of the cases the girls weren't interested for the same reason. Maybe it's because I don't drink or use drugs and can't communicate as effectively as native speakers of English, but even girls from my home country prefer White guys. Can anyone give me advice on where to meet girls and how to approach them?

[fitgirl]

Do you have any hobbies or do you workout or anything? I promise you that the women you want don't care about your income, so I hope you're not bringing that up in conversation with them. I've met a lot of guys at the gym, in group fitness classes, at Comic Cons, through friends.

[DoF]

If those are the reasons girls don't want you (lack of drugs/drinking) than you simply don't want them.

 

As for your income and car, these things are a BAD thing if you are looking for Long Term Relationship. I would never EVER talk or show your wealth status and I would NOT go on a date with an M3. You DO NOT want a GIRL to like you cause of your car or money. You want them to like you for WHO YOU ARE. So hide those things.

 

You will mostly attract gold diggers.......and girls. NOT WOMEN! You want a WOMAN!

 

Play cool, look normal (don't stick out like a sore thumb) and get a camry or something.

 

The reason why you haven't been successful is pretty simple. You haven't worked hard enough! What do you like to do? Do you meet people when you do the things you like? Ever found anyone attractive?

 

You can also approach any lady you find attractive or give you some hints in person, while out and about. Just ask if they are involved first.

 

Time to men up, introduce yourself and ask a lady out for coffee........just to get a vibe/feelings, if it goes well ask her out on a date during coffee.

 

Your goal is basically to face your fears and over come them. YOu probably have a fear of rejection and right now your confidence is low. Women sniff out confidence like dogs do fear. So once you start doing above, you WILL get rejected (trust me even the best looking guys/players get rejected)....but what will happen is you will gain experience and practice. In time, rejection will become normal and your fears will be gone. Your confidence will also be high.

 

IN TIME, you will be successful.

 

Also, you need to remember that YOU are the one shopping around. You are NOT vulnerable or looking for ANYTHING you can get. You are looking for the right fit for you. order of business #1 is getting to know THE PERSON. Attraction is important but DO NOT let it blind you or fool you. Beauty and great person hardly ever go hand in hand.

 

Hope that helps and good luck

[qwt185]

I agree that at this age I have a very high chance of attracting gold-diggers, and it's not what I want which makes me anxious.

I'm not very muscular, but decently athletic. And yes, my confidence is very low especially when meeting a girl outside of my race, because I had the experience of getting reported by an Asian girl to the school for sexual harassment because I sent her a few texts to ask her out for dinner back in college, and the girl later told others she was "teaching me a lesson on how to stay away from girls as a nerdy Asian guy".

I have 2 dogs and met quite a few girls in dog parks, but most of them had bfs and I was too intimidated to approach those who didn't...

[nuttybuddy]

u can't be talking about ANY women. u must have standards too. u may be talking about eye candy women.

 

i don't think u should flaunt your wealth. u want a woman who doesn't care about that.

 

have u been on speed dating or online websites?

[DoF]

I agree that at this age I have a very high chance of attracting gold-diggers, and it's not what I want which makes me anxious.

I'm not very muscular, but decently athletic. And yes, my confidence is very low especially when meeting a girl outside of my race, because I had the experience of getting reported by an Asian girl to the school for sexual harassment because I sent her a few texts to ask her out for dinner back in college, and the girl later told others she was "teaching me a lesson on how to stay away from girls as a nerdy Asian guy".

I have 2 dogs and met quite a few girls in dog parks, but most of them had bfs and I was too intimidated to approach those who didn't...

 

It's a common issues, you need to do EXACTLY what you don't want to do.

 

Until you do this, forget about any relationship. You can never succeed if you don't try.

[Clinton]

Personality, charm, confidence, a sense of humour, are all more important than money.

 

Join clubs, volunteer, try online dating, use a matchmaker, it's all good.

 

If you aren't good at small talk practice it. Hire a relationship coach. My nephew had a small social interaction problem when he was younger and my sister worked with him on how to approach people and what to say. Worked wonders for the young man.

[nuttybuddy]

she was "teaching me a lesson on how to stay away from girls as a nerdy Asian guy".

 

WHAT?!!! that girl is a biatch. she's totally crushed your self esteem. don't even listen to her advice. who does she think she is???? God's gift to men?!! PUHLEEEEEZEEEE!!!! it's not worth remembering what she said. who??? what??? forget it.

 

listen, u know you're a catch and many women will think so too. stay strong

[alc16]

Your wealth will not get you a date you will enjoy.

 

Get some confidence and approach people or you will never meet anyone. Don't expect to meet someone the first time you get the confidence to approach someone. You will get rejected, you will meet psychos, you will meet people you generally don't like, or they just don't like you. They want different things, they have different values, etc.

 

never mention anything about your wealth or car, the right woman won't care.

[BrianH46]

I am guessing you are from California. What do you think it is about you that makes you unattractive?

[DoF]

WHAT?!!! that girl is a biatch. she's totally crushed your self esteem. don't even listen to her advice. who does she think she is???? God's gift to men?!! PUHLEEEEEZEEEE!!!! it's not worth remembering what she said. who??? what??? forget it.

 

listen, u know you're a catch and many women will think so too. stay strong

 

Yeah, stay away from this GIRL

[surfdiva]

personality, charm, confidence, a sense of humour, are all more important than money.

 

 

this 100%.

[qwt185]

I've been living in CA after graduation but went to a elite college in the Deep South...and met so many girls who demeaned my race/gender combination. After I graduated from college I worked really hard in grad school/companies so I'm still heavily influenced by my experience with girls there.

[DoF]

I've been living in CA after graduation but went to a elite college in the Deep South...and met so many girls who demeaned my race/gender combination. After I graduated from college I worked really hard in grad school/companies so I'm still heavily influenced by my experience with girls there.

 

Sounds like you are letting idiots effect your future/life.

 

Not smart.

[BrianH46]

Being Asian in the deep south isn't too bad and I've dated plenty and pretty much exclusively outside of my race including my fiancee. And I promise you even as liberal as California is women will still respond the same. You need to work on your confidence and social skills.

[TMifune]

WHAT?!!! that girl is a biatch. she's totally crushed your self esteem. don't even listen to her advice. who does she think she is???? God's gift to men?!! PUHLEEEEEZEEEE!!!! it's not worth remembering what she said. who??? what??? forget it.

 

listen, u know you're a catch and many women will think so too. stay strong

 

When i was in college, there was a girl my one friend knew who was talking to him saying things like basically nobody like her..blah blah. I tried to be friendly to her. I guess she found me to be awkward and low status. I never tried to ask her out or anything like that, just wanted to be nice to her because I knew how crappy it feels to feel like you're alone. My kindness....I can only assume because it came from me and not from someone she saw as "better"...was rewarded with her talking to everyone behind my back about what a loser I was.

 

When someone on her hall let the air of or slashed her tires or something like that she apparently went around telling people she thought about pointing the cops at me, but she "knew I wouldn't do something like that". To her credit she didn't want to have me punished for something I didn't do.....but on some level she did want me punished. She wanted me punished for no recognizing how far beneath her my friendship was.

 

OP, you need to learn to recognize people like this and cut them mercilessly from your life. I share this because I am not asian, and crappy people know no specific race. This isn't about you being asian, it's about you finding yourself around crappy people.

[DoF]

Now you see why people choose not to be kind or nice to others. Or even offer help.

 

Why? There is a VERY good reason. The reason is, they were kind....they were nice.....and helpful, but that has gotten them opposite of "appreciation" and often drama and BS.

 

And even best case scenario. Think about it, what happens when you actually help people? They succeed and move on!

[nuttybuddy]

Now you see why people choose not to be kind or nice to others. Or even offer help.

 

Why? There is a VERY good reason. The reason is, they were kind....they were nice.....and helpful, but that has gotten them opposite of "appreciation" and often drama and BS.

 

And even best case scenario. Think about it, what happens when you actually help people? They succeed and move on!

 

I am reminded of the Spaceballs quote by Dark Helmet to Lone Starr "So, Lone Star, now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb." hahaha

 

But in reality, I don't believe that. Good will triumph in the end.

[Simply Alive]

I guess its in your own mind. The way you described yourself makes me feel as if you are not very happy with the way you are. A good car and salary for sure is no criteria for finding a special someone. Its your own attitude that doesn't let you free. Next time you see a pretty girl, think that I am well educated, decent, kind hearted person and approach that girl. Any girl who can see these qualities in you will never say no and if anyone does its her badluck!

[journeynow]

can't communicate as effectively as native speakers of English,

 

Is this (communicating / conversing in your non-native language) something you can work on? Perhaps hire a speech coach? Communication is so important.

[syoung77]

Don't worry about it my friend. There are millions of girls out there that are eligible for you. You are bound to find one who wants you.

 

But whatever you do, DO NOT start using drugs or drinking or nothing like that. Stay the way YOU are. The main thing you need to have is a swagger about yourself that reflects that you are confident in yourself and that you KNOW and believe that you are competent and know your worth.

 

Basically, in order to attract a woman in the first place, you need to confidently approach each one with a winner mentality and not a self defeating aura. Which ends up being a self-fulfilling prophecy.

 

Focus on you young man. See your worth! You are the one who seeks a woman! Not the other way around. The Bible says, "A man that finds a wife finds a good thing". Unfortunately, there are not a lot out there in this age. But keep looking and don't give up and keep your head up!!!

 

This too shall pass!

[H8Reality217]

with your income i'm sure you can afford working with a dating coach, but a lot of them unfortuneately charge a lot

[intheferns]

When you talk about your qualities, you listed off stuff you have. That's not what attracts a quality partner. What are you passionate about? What do you enjoy doing? Do you want to try something new? You're carrying a lot of anxiety about women. When you are anxious it will carry over to other people and make them back off. Work on feeling comfortable and confident in yourself. Practice this with your friends and workplace and then try talking to a lady. Just talk to her, don't think of it as trying to pick her up. Think of it as having a conversation with someone you find interesting.

[mrwigand]

Well, it definitely sounds like you are lacking in confidence, and that generally is not helpful in terms of dating. I would suggest you throw yourself into the deep end of the pool a little. Get on some dating sites, and start upping your game slowly but surely. Start putting yourself out there more and more. Start with just starting conversations with people a lot more than maybe you currently do. Than start actively start putting yourself in situations where you can meet more women and trying to engage them. Try to set up some dates on dating sites to get yourself in that groove. Obviously be yourself, but you have to build dating skills to a certain extent too. Work on that, exercise your flirt muscles, and then I think your confidence will get higher and you'll be in a much better position. You'll find it easier to meet women because you're not as scared at the negative possibilities that your past conditioned you to, etc. And if you don't find yourself in a situation where you meet single women very often, then continue with the dating sites. That's what they're there for. Good luck!

[NolaLeForte]

Well good lord, its no wonder that you’re having trouble feeling comfortable talking to women, after all that! Who wouldn’t be a little gun shy?

You’ve had a lot of horrible experiences with really nasty people and unfortunately, even someone with excellent self esteem would have a hard time brushing that off their shoulders, and having it on repeat just makes it even worse.

It sounds like what you need is a self esteem boost. When I say self esteem, I don’t mean looking in the mirror and saying, “I’m good enough and gosh darnit people like me”. I mean by really looking at yourself and finding what value you have and what you want to add to a relationship.

It seems like you’ve constantly gotten the message that nobody will like you because of your race, your accent, and your background so you’ve started to think about women in terms of who would accept you for who you are, or who would be okay with this because so many people aren’t.

The thing is, if you keep approaching it from that standpoint its just going to make you lonely, frustrated, and you may very well end up settling for someone who isn’t good for you (which is far worse than anything that could happen to a single person).

A better approach would be to ask yourself what value do you have (apart from what’s on paper) to add to a relationship, what do you have in your life that you would like to share with someone else? You mentioned having a good job and a nice car, but those are just things, they’re not part of YOU. You came to the US as an adult and made a nice living for yourself. What about the hard work you put in to make that happen? What about the journey you took to get there? Surely that’s something to be proud of, and that dedication to making it happen is something to be appreciated, don’t you think? A genuine person can see the value in that, not just what you have to give to them.

Try finding out what that is, what do you want to share, what do you love about yourself- and once you’re excited to share that with others, they will be excited to share it with you. (I know this sounds a little cliché, but it works!)

My point is, you’ve had a horrible string of interactions with horrible people and its only natural to be apprehensive about reaching out and trying to talk to someone if that’s the response you’ve come to expect. Confidence is the sexiest thing- but it has to come from you. You can’t go about your life waiting for someone else to accept you (and you’re the other half of the relationship equation!), doing it any other way is a one way ticket to loneliness, frustration, and desperation.