Ex girlfriend & her friend I know are messaging asking me to talk to her

[BarneyStinson]

Broke up with my long distance girlfriend on christmas eve, she found some other guy and was having sex with her friends she knew after moving to a new city 1 month earlier. She also got into drugs big time because of these friends, didn't want to talk to me and considered me lower in importance than all of her friends.

 

 

It became on and off for a while, one minute she wanted a relationship, the next she's flirting and wanting some other guy. She hid things from me, lied and couldn't tell me anything. She told me that to her I'm better off dead, told me she hated me and that I was lower than all of her friends. It was a very toxic end that opened up a lot of negative things and put me on a downwards spiral for a long while.

 

 

She didn't want to be decent with me so I said that I'm going and she said that she wanted nothing between us.

 

 

For the past 2 weeks she's been messaging me on facebook and also on text, trying to get me to talk, sending me messages like "please talk to me" and also getting her friends I know to message me asking me to talk to her.

 

She has a guy or wants some guy, I don't know her situation but her and her friend messaged me today too. I don't know if I should talk to her or not. for me, I know when I start talking to her it makes me feel like utter rubbish so I'm hesitant.

 

 

 

I would like other people's opinions though, an outside view on it.

[HeartGoesOn]

She's throwing out the bait, hoping you'll bite. You're also leaving a door open where she can reach you through text/Facebook, which is an open invitation for her to strike.

 

I would refuse to participate in this game, and walk away with my self-respect intact.

[ParisPaulette]

Well, I'd say maybe that other guy or guys didn't work out, so now she needs back up. Or she needs money from you for drugs. Or.or.or. but when you know she and her new friends are into this lifestyle, and suddenly they're all about trying to contact you, I can tell it usually equals they want something and will use you to get it then it'll be buh-bye again.

 

Do you really think someone who treated you the way she did will suddenly magically be all sweetness and I'm sorry and never ever treat you like crap again? Or her friends too?

 

Why would you open yourself back up to all of that? Block and delete them both and move on with your life. They want something from you, likely money or she is just sorry her plans fell through and needs you as backup to make her feel good about herself, until the next guy happens along. If that's what you want sure go ahead and talk to her, but you do know people don't just magically go from doing the sort of things you describe her doing to you back to being a decent person in less than the blink of an eye.

 

And maybe it's just my experience, but when they drag friends into it it's usually just to throw up a big smokescreen of "see how sincere I am, even my friends are speaking up for how much I've changed/great I am and you should cave to the pressure, because they're my friends. They'd NEVER lie to you for me after all, totally a trustworthy source."

 

Sorry, she hasn't changed, but she's hoping you haven't either and you'll just keep letting them play you. My advice, don't.

[BarneyStinson]

She's throwing out the bait, hoping you'll bite. You're also leaving a door open where she can reach you through text/Facebook, which is an open invitation for her to strike.

 

I would refuse to participate in this game, and walk away with my self-respect intact.

 

Well, I'd say maybe that other guy or guys didn't work out, so now she needs back up. Or she needs money from you for drugs. Or.or.or. but when you know she and her new friends are into this lifestyle, and suddenly they're all about trying to contact you, I can tell it usually equals they want something and will use you to get it then it'll be buh-bye again.

 

Do you really think someone who treated you the way she did will suddenly magically be all sweetness and I'm sorry and never ever treat you like crap again? Or her friends too?

 

Why would you open yourself back up to all of that? Block and delete them both and move on with your life. They want something from you, likely money or she is just sorry her plans fell through and needs you as backup to make her feel good about herself, until the next guy happens along. If that's what you want sure go ahead and talk to her, but you do know people don't just magically go from doing the sort of things you describe her doing to you back to being a decent person in less than the blink of an eye.

 

And maybe it's just my experience, but when they drag friends into it it's usually just to throw up a big smokescreen of "see how sincere I am, even my friends are speaking up for how much I've changed/great I am and you should cave to the pressure, because they're my friends. They'd NEVER lie to you for me after all, totally a trustworthy source."

 

Sorry, she hasn't changed, but she's hoping you haven't either and you'll just keep letting them play you. My advice, don't.

 

 

These are my thoughts too.

 

The friend that she got to message me is a friend she's known since childhood, no drugs or anything with this friend.

 

 

I know the ex wouldn't have changed, same as I know she'll either have some guy she wants or not got anybody right now and just wants to talk as friends to use me while she lines up her new relationship, then chuck me away after the end or studying.

 

She messaged me on valentines day probably because the guy she wants is busy and can't talk to her or meet her. I'm extremely hesitant to contact her. When I did previously it completely broke me and ruined my christmas, ruined everything because we were planning to meet up.

[HeartGoesOn]

I'm extremely hesitant to contact her. When I did previously it completely broke me and ruined my christmas, ruined everything because we were planning to meet up.

 

What would you hope to gain by contacting her?

[BarneyStinson]

What would you hope to gain by contacting her?

 

Would want her to be decent with me. She's always said that she couldn't live without me (she was badly depressed for years and I helped her, stopped her from killing herself 6 times and told her to go to inpatient rehab because just having a therapist didn't work - that meant we couldn't see each other when I flew to her country)

 

 

Part of me feels like I'm being nasty not talking to her because of her past and her constantly messaging me asking me to talk to her. But i know for me, it'd be torture and with everything she said and did towards the end of the relationship, it'd rip me apart and put me into a deeper depressive state putting myself 2nd to her when she put me last, behind her friends she's known for a month or so.