Friendship: Went Berzerk and Left Me For Dead:Call It Quitz?

[sayer7]

I have a friend who's temper problem has led me to not trust his moods and reactions. When should I call the friendship quits? Last weekend he and I and another friend went on vacation to Savanah, GA and one evening we got lost and he refused to stop to look at a map or get directions for literally 4 hours. The last umpteenth time I told him to stop and get directions, he stopped and literally unbuckled my seatbelt for me and kicked me out of his truck in a decrepid/dangerous neighborhood next to an old abandonned chemical factory and an ABC Store in a place I'd never been in before hundreds of miles away from home, at MIDNIGHT- and he drove away.

 

10 minutes later he returned for me but by that time I'd already walked a quarter of a mile to a Kroger Store down the street to call a cab to go back to the hotel. I was waiting for the cab outside in the parking lot when he drove up in his truck and screamed hysterically at me to "Get back in the _____ truck!" He was screaming and crying and it was very obvious he was extremely upset that I had disappeared from the spot he kicked me out at. I didn't feel righteous, but I felt he needed to learn a lesson and I didn't regret going to the Kroger to call a cab rather than waiting for him to return-- IF he would even return at all. I've long learned when he's mad, one can never know for sure what he'll do.

 

Several hours later around 4am he thoroughly apologized to me and I accepted his apology however I'm still very angry he kicked me out of his vehicle in a strange city and just left me there. I'm not upset like any other person would be but maybe I've just learned to put up with his moodchanges too much. At this point I just don't know what to do about our friendship. What should I do? Tell him we can no longer be friends Or that we should spend less time together until he gets professional help and makes marked improvement? I've told him before he needs professional help, but his response has always been "I'm beyond help."-- which I don't feel is a valid excuse NOT to get professional help-- but what else can I do? If I press him more, he just gets angry about me trying to tell him what to do with his life.

 

I'm tired of not trusting his moods. It would take a complete attitude turnaround and consistent mood stability from him for me to ever trust him and his moods again after last weekend.

 

Anybody have any suggestions?

[MetallicAguy]

He has anger management, and some serious problems lol, get him a psychologist or something. He most likely had an abusive father or didn't get his way when he was a kid.

[sayer7]

Both his parents are super nice and I know them very well-- however they are both very religious so maybe he got too much religion forced on him before he was ready as a child and he holds some deep seated resentment or something. I dunno... but he's refusing professional help.

 

But the question is what should I do about it?

[DN]

At this point I just don't know what to do about our friendship. What should I do? Tell him we can no longer be friends Or that we should spend less time together until he gets professional help and makes marked improvement?

 

My advice is part of each alternative: Tell him you can no longer be friends unless he gets professional help and makes marked improvement.

 

This guy is out of control and could easily do something harmful to himself and/or you. We should try and help friends but not if they won't help themselves and not at the risk of our own safety.

 

He crossed a major line when he did that - you owe him nothing as a friend except what you are willing and able to do. Be careful.

[tiger_lilies]

Bottom line is, you can't tell him how he should lead his life. You can't tell someone what you think is best for them and expect them to do it. Only they can make that decision for themselves. You can however, advise them on what might work for them based on your observation, but don't expect that they will take your advice.

 

Your friend was certainly out of line by dropping you off in some strange city. Not very friend-like.

 

But since it's obvious that you must care for this person, I would suggest that you take a step back and let some time pass between the both of you. You don't necassarily have to cut him off completely, unless that is what you are wanting to do...

[CarterJonas]

Is this the first time it has happened? I think that someone who totally looses it can be a danger to himself and others. Ultimately you cannot tell him what to do, he has to figure that out for himself.

 

I personally would put an end to this friendship.

[Mun]

My advice is to cut him out of your life. Show him that what he did is unacceptable. You can't make him get help, he has to want it himself. Hopefully, if he cares for your friendship, he will come to the conclusion that he DOES need help. If not, well you would have cared for your safety first and gotten away from someone who sounds very unstable and could be dangerous.

 

Others treat us how we allow them to treat us. Take care of yourself.