Truth

[Hotrod23]

I've been seeing a girl for a year this Friday. She is 35 and i am 26. We've had a rollercoaster of a relationship for the past few months, but i will explain that in a bit. The first time i met her i knew there was something special with her, but i didn't know if she was right for me. She has two kids, has been married twice, and seems to always have men flocking over her. We went out a few times and we ended up sleeping together. I knew from the beginning that she wanted a relationship, but i was not ready for that commitment. I questioned if she would be faithful to me with so many men after her, if i was even good enough for her as she is extremely intelligent and has a very good job, or even that we fit together. For months it was a game of cat and mouse. She chased me (or at least tried to) and i would not commit. We spent time together, but only on my terms. We talked all the time on the phone or through texts, but the only time i saw her was when i had been drinking. I talked to a couple other women and even took one on a couple dates, but it didn't feel right. None of them treated me like she did or made me feel the way she did. In October it came to a screeching halt as she told me she had been seeing someone else. I kind of panicked. I had gotten so used to her always being there that i never just listened to my heart and gave her a chance. She started seeing the other guy but i was there all the time. We began talking all the time, texting and talking on the phone every day all day, and i dedicated myself to her whether she had a new guy or not. It didn't matter. I didn't hide anything. I made it clear that i wanted to be with her and i didn't care if i had to wait forever i would not give up. They dated a while and he treated her well, but the fit wasn't that good and in the back of her mind i was always there. Even though she had a boyfriend i was 100% committed to her and i wanted her to see that. Around Thanksgiving her and i went Christmas shopping together and we had such an amazing time. No booze. Just us being us and i realized i was in love with her. We began spending so much time together that she became my best friend. Her son and my son became best friends and her 14 year old daughter loved me. Her boyfriend and her ended up having a fight over me and she left him. We started seeing each other after that, but things have been difficult. I still text or call her all the time. I see her every chance i get. I write love letters to her and i do everything i never did before. I quit drinking. I have tried and tried to show her that i was stupid and i want to be with her and her only for as long as possible. The thing is when we are together we have an amazing relationship, but when we're apart she doesn't trust me at all. She gets on facebook and dwells about those 9 months and believes all the petty things that are said about me. "He's a player", "He slept with so and so", etc. etc. She wants to fight at least once a week about it. She asks me if i did anything with the other women i talked to and when i say no she doesn't believe me. I deleted my facebook, every female's number i had besides my sister and mom, i leave my phone on loud all the time with no password so if she questions it she can look at it. Nothing works. And what makes it more confusing is she still gets texts and messages from the other guy, yet is afraid to tell him she is with me even though she knows how much it bothers me. I know she loves me. She knows that i love her. The question is how do i ever prove to her that i am not blowing smoke and i will do anything to make her see that i am not who they think i am?

[Clinton]

Sooo, married twice, dated another guy while keeping you on the back burner, has guys all over her. Seems like a real nice girl.

 

Regardless, at this stage the problems are beyond your and her ability to solve by yourself. So go to a couples therapist and get help working out your issues. Because if you don't, it will blow up in your face sooner or later. Don't use the I can't afford it excuse either. People that really want something find a way.

 

Or, realise this is a badly flawed relationship and get out.

[overthemoon86]

Soooo what you are saying is when you actually have a relationship with her it isn't working....that is NOT a good sign. You clearly both enjoy the game playing and now that you are officially in a relationship you both can't figure it out. She has trust issues and you can't figure out how to make her trust you, which is a product of her insecurity and lifestyle. I mean you aren't married twice and have men coming and going all the time without some sort of issue.

 

If you are having these issues, the relationship is not worth saving. There has been gaming playing this whole time and now that you are boyfriend and girlfriend it isn't working. What part of this relationship is positive? I don't see it.