so far it's been easy, but now what do i do?

[QTpie87]

Okay well a while back i posted on a guy who i have had a monster crush on sense like 7th or 8th grade.

Well he is doing his community service at the animal shelter right now, and before now i never really had the nerv to go up and talk to him. But i have been talking to him and it turns out he is like one of the easiest people to talk to in the world. And he is really nice.

We like a lot of the same music, movies, so on. He's really funny, and i've been flirting with him a lot. He likes to talk a lot and doesn't make me feel dumb so thats good.

Well i was talking about a movie i really wanna see with my mother today, and he was standing there, and was saying he wanted to see that too. Well do you think it would be odd if i asked him to come see it with me?

I've only been talking to him for a few days, so we don't know eachother that well, but hey thats what going to a movie or hanging out is for right?

My mom was asking me today if i thought he liked me, cause she said she noticed me flirting a lot and said she thought he was too.

so how do i ask with out seeming too forward or like a freak?

[annie24]

I'm not usually an advocate for asking guys out, but I think it would be great in your situation. He sounds interested, he mentioned to you that he wants to see the movie, I think he was trying to get you to ask him Just call him up, tell him you plan to see the movie and see if he wants to join you. It's not desperate. Just be cool. Good luck!

[QTpie87]

okay, thanks,

see though, the thing is is that i am terribly shy, horribly shy. I haven't been shy around him, but when it came time to ask him out, i think i would hit the ground burning. (mess it up)

I don't know how to just say something, i can't stop thinking about how dumb i would feel if he said no.

[annie24]

Ok... wow... this is going to sound so dorky. When I get really nervous about calling a guy, I write the "script" of what I'm going to say to him before I call him:

 

"Hi John! It's Annie. How's it going? Did you have a good weekend? Good. So, I was wondering... did you want to catch that movie this week? I think it's playing downtown. 7PM work for you?"

 

Ack. He he ... it is nervewracking, but I think he'll probably say yes. Go get him!!!

[FuriousSam]

Don't ask him out, then it'll be a date which is what you don't want it to titled, no? Find the times that the movie is going to play, then think of the best time that he should be free. After that call him up and say, "Hey, I am going to watch the movie at so and so time, do you want to come?" (Like Annie's first post.) If he's interested but cannot make it, he'll probably ask you to reschedule. Writing out before you ask is great, but it might sound too phony if you rehearse it ebough and even then you might get nervous. Just keep telling yourself that: "A rejection only last a few moments, but if you don't ask you'll regret it for life."

[DN]

i can't stop thinking about how dumb i would feel if he said no.

 

How dumb would you feel if you didn't ask him and then found out you had lost the chance of a relationship because he didn't feel comfortable asking you because your Mom is kinda like his boss.

 

Just ask him - then you will know what a guy feels like when he has to make the first move.

[DN]

I'm not usually an advocate for asking guys out

 

Why, Annie? I am curious to know why someone as obviously intelligent, rational and wise as you, who is a Ph.D candidate and living in the 21st century would feel like that.

 

It seems inconsistent with an independent woman capable of going for what she wants.

[annie24]

arg. Haven't we had this conversation before DN? Well, this is just me, but I have zero success whenever I ask a guy out. He either tells me something really lame like, "I can't handle a relationship right now" (In response to "do you want to go for coffee.") Or, they'll go out with me once, and I never hear from him again. I've just found for me, personally, the guy asking me out leads to a relationship, wheras me asking a guy out never has. I'm "results-oriented" and I'll do what works best for me.

 

But, I think in this situation, QTpie should ask this guy out. I think he was just too intimidated to ask her out in front of her mom. I bet as we speak, he's trying to figure out a way to ask her out.

[DN]

arg. Haven't we had this conversation before DN? .

If we have I have had a brain fade but you may be right.

[Bad_Disease]

More girls need to ask guys out. Right now!!!!

[FuriousSam]

More girls need to ask guys out. Right now!!!!

 

Or more guys should learn how to read woman's subtle language.

[vitalcoaching]

Hi QTpie87,

 

Back to your original question...

 

Here is a suggestion.

 

What works really well is next time you talk about a movie you would both like to see, simply say: "Do you want to see it together?"

 

This is not an "official date" with all the planning. It is an invitation to share an extra moment in a casual way. It is a perfect way to build up complicity and shift the whole "asking him" out thing without taking too much risk.

 

How do you do that? You get ready for this type of opportunities to show up more often...

 

If it's not a movie, it will be a drink. If it's not a drink, it will be a party at some friends. Any occasion is good.

 

What matters is that you seize the occasion when it arizes.

 

See the opportunity and go for it!

 

Dare!

 

If you miss an occasion, forgive yourself... You'll grab the next one!

 

If he can't or doen't respond to your invitation let it go straight away and change topic. That way, you'll avoid anything awkward silence.

 

If he does not go with it the first time, don't worry. It means nothing. Give him a week or so. He might be thinking about it and if you take the initiative again too soon, you might sound pushy.

 

Taking the initiative and trusting your instinct when the moment is right will give you a huge confidence boost, guaranteed!

 

If your proposition merges with the flow of the conversation, it will sound like the next natural thing to do.

 

This strategy works wonders!

 

Good luck and enjoy!

 

vitalcoach