everyone loves my gay friend.

[wanderer]

i have something of a dilemma. i'm a straight guy, and my best friend in the world is gay. we've been friends since we were six. but don't worry, the problem is not what it sounds like. i'll explain what the problem is.

 

anyway, he's extremely extroverted and social. EVERYone who meets him instantly falls in love with him, guy or girl, gay or straight, because he's very smart, attractive and outgoing. he knows how to have fun and he knows a whole lot of interesting and socially influencial people. he's very confident. he can meet 10 new people in one night, and they all will get his cell phone number and will all call him to hang out all the time.

 

i'm more reserved, myself. i'm friendly with everyone i meet, but i'm just shy in general. i have very little confidence in myself when it comes to social situations because i think too much about how people are judging me. however, i can still entertain people and make people laugh a lot, whether or not i know them.

 

my friend and i allways go everywhere together. this is the troubling part for me. i love hanging out with him, and it's through him that i've met a good portion of my current friends. the problem is though, that he's so socially active and so loved by everyone we meet, that i sort of fall behind in conversations and such. he's much more streetwise about music, movies, books and stuff so he can relate to people much better than i can (i'm not dumb, i just have different interests in music and stuff than him and most of the people we hang out with) moreover, it makes me feel like i'm the "second man" in the group behind him. when some of our mutual friends call me up to do stuff on weekends, i can usually tell it's because they called him first but he's busy already, so they called me. that's not to say it's his fault, or that my friends don't appreciate me, i'm just saying that people in general like to hang out with him more, and it makes me jealous and hurts my self-esteem. it's also is frustrating when we're hanging out with the girl that i've been pursuing for the past couple of weeks, she calls him up first, then calls me if he's busy, and she ends up talking to him all night and talks to me very little. (btw, she knows i'm interested in her, and i don't think she's interested in me, so that's probably the reason - but it's an example of a trend that i don't want to continue with other girls i like in the future) again, it's not like she doesn't like my company, she just feels comfortable with him, maybe cause he's gay (girls like gay men right?)

 

the catch, however, is that he's the one who i really feel comfortable with, and it seems like only when i'm with him can i open up to other people and be outgoing myself. when he's not there, i feel more reserved again, and it makes social situations awkward. also, it's with him that i meet the most interesting girls, but again they kinda ignore me because he's much mor fun to hang around with. yet when i'm with my friend, we sort of stack up like this: the fun gay guy everyone loves, and his awkward, shy straight friend.

 

i don't know what to do about this. i'm not condemning my friend, i love him very much and it's not his fault everyone loves him. i will admit that it makes me very jealous though.

[wanderer]

well everyone knows he's gay. he's very open about it, plus he dresses very well. i think the fact that they know there's no possibility he might be attracted to them, they lik ehim better than me. my problem here also is that i don't think a girl has much reason to be attracted to me anyway, especially when i'm with him, since he's clearly more attractive than me (i'm mean i'm not bad, he's just gorgeous ) and just happens to be gay

[Roasted Carrots]

It sounds to me that the problem is your friend is a "social butterfly", and only with him do you feel social. You could try being more "streetwise" and all that....or you could branch out and find people who are a little more reserved and into the same things you are.

 

It's possiable and very likely that the girls flock to him because he's gorgeous and gay...but it sounds more like he has a lot of similar interests with these people. You sound like a great guy - you admit to making people laugh. If you're feeling overshadowed by your friend...step out of his shadow. Get involved in something you're passionate about that nobody's ever heard of... that way, you'll have something unique and interesting to add to the conversation.

 

Have you talked with your friend about this? Maybe you just need some time off from the crowd - or hang out with a smaller group of friends. Ask him for some tips. He could poll his girlfriends and see who wants a date.

 

Hope that helps at all. Good Luck.

[Driftin Spirit]

Well the truth in the matter is your are jealous beyond belief. I have a few gay friends and all my female friends love them to pieces bbecause they can relate more to them, but that is no reason to be jealous think of how you can benefit from this guy. You can use him to help find out how girls feel about, to give you advice on dating girls and well if you are not "streetwise" you only have yourself to blame maybe try reading the newspaper or something but only you can make yourself more streetwise. Remember that you are the only one in control of your life and personality!

[hecka_bekah]

He doesn't feel intimidated by girls since he is gay so it's easy for him to be very comfortable around them. Most guys aren't as sociable, so try not to think that you might be competing against a world full of straight guys who are very sociable.

 

These girls look for a man that is confident and shows this. They admire him, but at the same time they cannot get the affection they want from a gay guy. If you are think that you aren't as confident as you should be, don't make this a reason to try and become a better person. They fact is that he different than you in the fact that he is very sociable. You don't have to always show your confidence by being sociable. There are other ways!

 

You can have confidence, but still be reserved and laidback. Frankly, I love that type of personality! I'm sure many other girls do too! You already have what it takes to make a wonderful boyfriend, you just need to realize what you have to work with. You have certain qualities that your best friend doesn't have so find them The fact that you're different from your friend, but still manage to have a close friendship shows a lot about who you are! That's something to begin with....

 

Rebekah

[wanderer]

i found out that he just he asked the girl i like to our prom, and she said yes, so they're going as friends. i guess i know she's not particularly interested in me now. oh well.

[hecka_bekah]

Does your friend know you like her?

[Caldus]

I have an acquaintance who is gay too and women just flock to him. I think it's because the girls know that he isn't expecting anything to happen with them so the girls feel comfortable being with him. Remember, girls will flock to someone if that person makes them feel good in some way. That's the basic premise behind it all in my opinion. It's possible that those girls aren't looking for a relationship so they might just want to make friends with the gay guy so that they don't have to worry about all of the drama associated with straight guys.

[wanderer]

Does your friend know you like her?

 

yes, he does. he says she only likes me as a friend. i imagine this means she told him so.

[hecka_bekah]

Hey I'm sorry about that. All I can say is that there are plenty of girls who are attracted to reserved guys! I find that many times those type of guys have the biggest hearts. So if a girl can sense that about you then there's a good chance she is going to be a very kind person herself.

 

Even though many couples may seem to be opposite of each other, they are very much alike upclose. People gravitate towards others who view life the same way as they do. I think you will get a better idea of who you are looking for as you find out who you are. If you don't then you may think you really like one girl, while your personalities may not match well. So find out who you are and then you will start to get a better idea of why you like someone and why they are similar to you. I wish you luck

 

P.S. Maybe you can start hanging out with others that might be more like you in some ways so that you can get a better sense of who you are.