Break up hurts

[Nervousone]

I am normally a shy person and when I met my ex it work it seemed wonderful in 2008. It turned out my ex did drugs and was very abusive towards me. Didnt know he had this problem until we moved in together. Tried to leave many times but these types of relationships keep you wanting to go back. There were bad time but good times as well. To be honest I am 33 and this is the only serious relationship I have ever been in. I have dated a lot before this relationship.

 

I had a job where I had a boss that was literally stalking me. I had employees warn me that I needed to be careful and this left me very paranoid. He would leave gifts in my office. He was an ex bounty hunter and had access to tools to keep track of me. He would tell everyone in the office personal information about me. Like the addresses that I lived. This man was way older than me he was a grandfather and he has daughhters my age. He would tell everyone in the office that he was going to leave his wife for me and was even planning where we were going to live. Despite me telling him that i didnt want anything more than to go to work. He was my boss and it took me almost a year to find a job. In November 2014 i couldnt take the stress anymore of having abusive spouse and a boss that was stalking me and I had a nervous breakdown. I lost touch with reality from the amount of stress I was dealing with. I literally quit my job and left the house me and my ex was in and went to my dad's house. I thought that I was being followed and I went to the hospital several times in the months after and in April 2015 I was hospitalized for a week and put on medication. I finished me treatment and the doctor said it was a one time event caused by the abuse and the stalking.

 

I was not living in reality and my ex found someone else right away when I took off. After 6-7 years of being together. When I came back to reality I started telling my ex want went on and they told me I waited too long to get in touch. This makes me feel bad because I was there for him when he had his seizures from his drug use. I worked most of duration of the relationship while he sat at home and played gaming systems all day. I stood by him when he was having emotional relationships with other women and cheated on me on two occassiona that I know of. He verbally abused me and sexually assaulted me when he was drunk. Twisted my arm, bit me many times, and once even tried pushing me through a window. He said that he didnt want to get back together with me but he talks to me everyday knowing that I still have feelings for him. I cant help feeling the way that I do but I still love him. Its just the way that I feel.

 

What gets me upset if I say Me and coworker had a nice coversation he asks if its a guy and acts jealous. Why does he talk to me if he doesnt want me? I know throughout our relationship he would talk to his exs. I even went through his phone and he told his ex that he had her on a pedal stool.

 

Now I just go to work, come home and sit on the couch in the same spot everyday. I dont feel motivated to do anything else. Even when I was with my ex I had ethusiasm about my life and now it just seems I am waiting for time to pass. I dont even know why I am posting this. I guess just looking for support.

[Crank]

Yup it will hurt regardless of how bad of a relationship you or someone else thought it was. Something to consider, yah there were good times but you can have good times with anybody. Even what someone would consider the worst person in the world could have a good time in the same manner so don't get too worked up on the "good time" thoughts. Most cases it just has more to do with the amount of time and effort you put into it anyways and well, that just takes time and the ability to move on.

 

In the case of your boss, you should of told him straight out he doesn't make you feel comfortable and since you quit anyway, if he didn't stop after that you could have filed a harassment complaint or even law suit. No reason to say anything bad about your ex really. Just consider the outsiders view. If you were looking at it as someone else being with that guy. Would you still done things the same way throughout the relationship? I wonder how long was "too long" for him. Sounds like a lame excuse for him to continue filling his own (selfish) desires. Why didn't he ever try to make contact or talk about the matter? In any case, The more you think about it then the more reasons you will find to be upset about it. No one ever un convinces themselves out of depression so really do your best to keep you mind occupied with things you like to do that has no reminders. New things if needed

[Dottieflanogon]

Aww ,You have been through so much. I feel for you. First of, you were very brave for leaving this monster. That was the most difficult step, and you succeeded! Never forget that. Now, your surroundings have changed, you feel insecure and threatened by an uncertain future. All these emotions are normal, hard yes, but normal. . Never go back. If possible, I strongly suggest you go NC and focus on your healing-staying in contact with him will not help you to move on. See, you are very fragile right now, and every time you talk to him, your balance is at stake, you are ready to fall back into his claws. Keep your mind busy. Just focus on yourself -with time, you will raise your head again, smile again, embrace life and look back at your victory. Best wishes

[Nervousone]

I will admit that living with dad everything is calm. There are no roller coaster ups and downs. No one screaming at me or putting me down.

 

I guess looking from the outside I think I put so much effort into that relationship more than anyone would have put up with. I think I spent a good portion of my youth by someone who didn't care to see and still doesn't see how much effort and love and time someone put into them. I allowed this persons friends to be abusive towards me. Honestly, I would like to be able to have a loving relationship but the thought of being with someone else makes me feel like I am cheating in some way. I feel like I hurt and I am scared to be hurt again.

 

I took off November 2014. I made contact with him April 2015 with a clear mind I was able to tell him what went on. In between those months I did call him but our conversations didn't make sense and he even told my brother that I was not even talking in reality. I was hospitalized in April 2015 the week I was hospitalized he met someone else. It just really bothers me that everything I put up with him I stood by his side and never left I stayed strong. The moment I broke down it was a moment for him to move on. It's like he didn't have anything to want to stay by my side. It's been a year and I still can not even think about dating without feeling like I am cheating.

 

I am just so shy and I am not super social. I looked up some events in my community for people with like minds and I just couldn't get the nerve to go. I don't know how to socialize anymore especially since my ex chased away all my friends and wouldn't let me go to events like this.