Questions about NC

[goodoleboy]

Ok, I have a few questions on this subject. I had a girl frined for 1 1/2 years. We broke up due to my fault. Based on rumors I kept telling her to move out. Then she told me if I did it again she would leave and not come back. Well, another rumor and come to find out it was an old ex doing it, I kicked her out again. She left this time. I tried to win her back for a month. Roses, text messages and begging and so forth. Then I went 3 days with NC and she called upset and we talked. Then with in a week we were good to go. She told me later that it bugged her pretty bad. But she knew we couldnt get back together in a week or 2 during that time since she knew I would not have changed. So she had to wait it out. Now she said she never had sex but she date a guy off and on during that time for the purpose of having someone to spend a little time with. I knew this when she went out with him the first time and she never lied about it.

 

Now it has been 3 years and boom here I go again. Lets make this as short as possible. I opened a new company and left the company I worked for. Stress, Stress. I went in a shell and was to myself for about 3 weeks. I wouldnt tell her my feelings. I didnt want her to stess with me. I rejected her for watching TV and taking a bath nightly with her and having sex during this time. I was stressed. Then she started talking to a guy. She said it was about me and what I was doing and why. They talked alot on the cell phone. I found out. She didnt lie to me about it. But then she started being a perfect wife. But I was a %$^% about it. I told her daily that I live day to day and I dont know if I am getting a divorce. I had the power at the time and I knew it and abused it. I did by her another new SUV during that time and I was good some of the time. But I mentioned divorce so many times she gave up. Then she threw her hands up and filled for divorce. Now her mother forced this issue and said if she is paying for her side then she has no choice but to go through with the divorce. Now her mother got real mad and let my wife live with them and gave her a job waiting talbes at a cafe. Now she sticks to her thoughts and insists on a divorce but she tells me we may have a chance and can go out and see how it goes after the divorce. She wants to go to the Nascar races and to Cancun. She always talks about after the divorce.

 

Now here is the real kicker. I talk to her mulitple times per day. The day of our first hearing I ignored her fully. Then that afternoon she called and wanted to eat dinner. Which I did. No biggy. Then she came over the next day and we slept together. Then the next weekend we went out Thursday - Monday. Then the next weekend (this past one) I sent her roses to her work Sunday. Then Today we had breakfast since we went to the bank for some issues. But she leads me all the time like she is around other guys. There is one man that is 52 and she is 24. He is a fry cook that makes around $200 a week. She helps keep his baby and they go places together. Now I cant say much since I have had the company of other women with out her knowledge. NOw I dont have sex but I do go out with them.

 

Now the question I have is about NC. If I go with out contact since we talk numerous times per day and we are getting no where. Would the NC help me. Would you think that it may open her eyes that she may have or is losing me. I dont want to do this for the wrong reasons though. I just want her back and treat her right. But everyone preaches about NC and the healing but I have seen where it does bring back the other party alot of times. I would like to go till friday and then text message that I have taken care of something to do with our banking business. Then wait 4 or 5 days and have something else to talk to her about. Now in the mean time I just wont take all her calls and text messages. This is what I did last time as a last resort and it worked. Do girls really get upset when a guy gives up in a sense and puts wonder in their minds??

 

See, my wife is going from a princess to cenderlla. She had the world, cars, houses, travel trailers, trucks, atv's, diamonds and shopped daily. Never worked. Now she makes 30 to 50 dollars a night waiting tables for 12 hours or so per nite. She does get mad that I dont have to worry about money. So I know this hurts in a way.

 

NC, how can I use this and how do I do this.

[Scout]

First, I commend you for being very honest in your post, and admitting the behaviors and actions you had that contributed to the demise of your marriage.

 

So....I hope you'll understand if I give you my honest opinion. It sounds to me like you were almost emotionally abusive with your wife. Your constant threats to kick her out, end the marriage...your total lack of trust in her...probably devastated her self-esteem and any sense of security in her marriage. And now she is seeking friendships with others who may not have your money or material wealth, but do have kindness and stability of character. She may not be earning much at her job, but by golly she's earning it on her own...and that's got to be a help rebuilding her self-esteem too.

 

It sounds to me like you realize you love her, but also know you have some serious issues with trust and managing your anger. I strongly suggest you seek some counseling from someone and learn how to curb these destructive tendencies you have. Or else you two will never be able to stay permanently reconciled, and you will just take these behaviors with you into your next relationship.

[lawandorder]

I have done what you said. I started back to church with out her knowing this. I have been to a Doc to get help with changing alot of my ways on being the way I am in relationships and just in life.

 

I have changed alot for myself and my future not just to win someone back.

 

Now my question is how to use the NC rule or what to do to help win someone back in order to treat them the way they should be treated.

there is just not alot of advice on winning a heart back. Its all about just moving on with out your true love.