can't stop suffering...lost faith

[cantstopsuffering]

I broke up with a girl I had dated for a year a little over a year ago. I just wasn't ready for a relationship. She was such a great girl, but I took her for granted. I cheated on her. I just wasn't mature enough to give her the love and respect she deserved. And looking back, God, did she deserve love and respect. I learned my lesson quickly when I asked her to come back a few weeks later...she told me that she found another guy. Six or seven months later they moved in together, and now I think that they're engaged. And now I can't find anybody decent. I'm much more generous now, and I make sure to ask what my dates want to to (I never did that with my ex). But I just get treated like dirt. Two girls I've dated since her actually picked up other guys while we were on dates. Several have just fallen off of the face of the earth. Others have just been plain mean to me. I've begun to think that my ex was my only chance at a good relationship. Compared to the girls I've dated since her, she was a goddess. And she was so good to me. But I treated her badly. And now that I treat girls better than I did in the past, I get walked all over, just like I walked all over her. Every day has gotten worse. I never stop thinking about her. I've become a heavy drinker and smoker. I feel like my ex cursed me. I just don't know how to stop suffering. I've tried to stop dating all together. I've tried trying to keep the faith the I will find someone deserving of the love that I should have given my ex. I've tried counselling. I've tried medication. I've tried religion. But nothing I do stops the suffering. I just don't know how to go on.

[Mysterious Gurl]

Hey there,

I'm sorry to hear of your suffering. At least you now know what is is that you did wrong in your relationship and you have the oppertunity to fix it.

 

This is going to take time. It wont go over night I'm afraid. The chance would be a fine thing though ...

 

Don't give up hope about dating. Someone will come along. Does medication or religion or anything feel comforting even though it doesn't seem to work? Give it time.

 

Have you tried taking a sport up like swimming or doing something you fun when you have spare time. Try to move on and keep busy. There might not be a past but there is a future!

Miya

[lady00]

Your ex is not the only one that you will have a good relationship with...there will be others. You just need to be more patient with yourself and perhaps not give so much of yourself to someone else until you're sure they will treat you well. When things go wrong, we tend to idealize past relationships...if things were perfect with your ex, you would not have left her...it's important that you think in those terms because if you were pefectly compatible with her, the relationship would not have ended. I hope you feel better soon and believe that there are wonderful, nice women out there...just make sure you protect yourself and don't get too into one person before you can be certain that they will treat you right. Good luck!

[marolua]

I think the way you see things has become to affect the way things happen. That means, since you think that you have had a love that you did not deserve, you begin every relationship thinking about your past relationship.

 

Extend your view about life, and about relationships. I once had a boyfriend whom I treated bad and have understood later how wrong I was. This realization did not bring him back, but sooner or later made me get out of the deepest hole that I have thrown myself into.

 

Take this as a period of personal growth, one or a two years does not mean a 'loss', try to balance your soul. Try to accept yourself with the mistakes that you think you have done in your past relationship, those were not mistakes, they were only occasions that will eventually make you grow, change and transform yourself.

 

Take every pain as a motivator for change.

[DragonGirl724]

ive done the same thing before & deeply regretted it. but i put my faith in God & believe everything happens for a reason. it ended in a very sad story i will not talk about b/c itll just make everyone feel down. but lets just say i never got to tell him how i felt. that was 4 years ago & it still sucks. if i were you id say my piece to her & learn from your past. not for nothing your story kinda caught me off guard...she met this guy, dated him, moved in & fell in love all, & is now engaged all in a matter of couple of months...seems to me ''miss perfect" might have been seeing Mr. Right Now while she was with you. people dont usually do things like this so quickly... maybe shes not the girl you perceive her as after all....

 

a decision was made in my past w/ a really sweet guy & we stopped seeing eachother due to distance & then me going out w/ another guy. in a way i regret it, but i know if i didnt date that other guy who broke my heart i wouldnt know the things i know today & i would probably have taken the ex nice guy for granted. we've luckily talked a lot of things ut within the past year & i know he still loves me. im going down to see him this weekend. if a relationship never does come between us again we'll both know we share a very special frindship no one in this world can replace.

 

we all have our happy & our sad stories with situations like this. but the best bet right now is to chill out & say what you have to say & learn how to treat her as your past...

 

-DG724