How to keep the past the past

[adidas7fire]

I have kind of a strange question for you guys... but let me give you a little history first. I have been dating my boyfriend for a while now and we just starting making love. We knew it would happen when the time was right and so, when the time came, we were more than ecstatic. It wasn't until about an hour later when I started questioning myself as to whether the performance was good enough or if he even thought about me as we engaged in this. My mind started going nuts about whether he compared me to his past girlfriend and whether she was better than me, blah blah blah. It's been driving me nuts so my question to you is how are some ways that you might keep the past of your significant other as the past? I guess one of the reasons I continue to question such things is because when I was with my ex, I had asked him if he ever thought about another chick when he was making love to me and he said "yes" and from that point on, I cannot get that out of my head. I know that each person is different but if you have ANY suggestions on how I can just be happy with who I am and who I am with, please PLEASE let me know. I love my boyfriend too much to let this be a factor that may eventually cause conflicts in our communication or ultimately tear us apart. Thanks to all!

[PrincessLinzay]

Oh hun. Im sorry that you're feeling this way. I can only imagine what it must be like to feel threatened by the ghosts of past girfriends.

 

An important thing to understand is that each sexual experience is unique. It's really hard to compare people sexually because it's different every time. Physically, sex can be better with someone else, but nothing compares to having sex with someone you love and cherish.

 

He's with you now, so I gaurantee you that he's thinking about you when you're having sex.

 

The girls from the past are just that.......in the past. For me personally, I can't even remember what the sex was like with my past partners because Im too engrossed in my boyfriend and our sexual endeavors to be bothered with it. When you love someone, everyone else fades into unimportance.

 

Hang in there hun. And have the self confidence to know that you're the best!

 

[adidas7fire]

PrincessLinzay,

 

Thank you so much. I actually found a book under his bed titled "203 ways to drive a man wild in bed" that I have been reading and one of the things that you said was to have confidence in myself and that was the second secret in the book. I really do realize that I have somewhat a problem with that but in order to make him happy, I also have to make some changes in my life. And this would be a good start. But yes, you are right -- he is with ME now and that is all that should matter. I guess it wouldn't matter in the fact that he is the only one that I think about at that time and so I would figure that the feeling would be mutual. Thanks again for your input... I really appreciate it!

[rnorth]

I think its important to remember to have fun yourself. Do things that you enjoy doing. Feel free to experiment. Be yourself and don't worry about his previous girlfriend. He is with you. Part of the fun is feeling good. Another part is making your partner feel good. Making each other feel good is great!

 

My experience is that a woman who is really good in bed is also someone who enjoys sex herself, and is dynamic, wanting to do different things, ie positions, etc. She is also relaxed and into the moment. I really find a woman who is enjoying the sex to be sexy. And don't focus on the big finish, just enjoy the immediate feeling. It just sounds like you are getting so tense and insecure about his previous girlfriend that you might be taking the fun out of sex for yourself. And that is a real shame.

[CityHunter]

I made the mistake of knowing too much of my GF's past with the EX(normal activities like where to eat, what to do, how does he behaves AND ultimately sex, how many times she did it, where, how). It drives me bonkers! We're together for just over 1 yr and I'm finally getting over it.

 

But I sometimes get an uncontrolled rage-jealousy (even she wasn't around) when something triggers an image of her with the EX kissing / having sex.