A little consideration and respect PLEASE??

[greenie35]

I have posted in the past about the conflict I am having with my boyfriend. We moved away together to attend school. We had lived together before we moved away together and everything was fine back at home.

 

Since we've moved we have done nothing but quarrel about anything and everything. We both still admitted that we love each other, but we came to the mutual decision that he should get his own place closer to campus. There was a variety of reasons for this decision. For one he has no car, which made it extremely difficult considering our schedules at school and work were so different. We just needed some space.

 

So we both have our own place and had previously agreed that this was a temporary arrangement. He has only been in his own place for 3 weeks and he is alreadymaking plans to get a place next semester with a buddy of his from school. He actually had made the decision before even talking to me. He is also drinking a lot more now and breaking plans with me to hang out with his buddies. I'm starting to feel very low on his list of priorities.

 

I've confronted him about my feelings and he doesn't seem to take them very seriously. I can never tell if he is joking or in a coward's way being honest. He had told me that he was going to make a quick trip back home with a friend to purchase something that I did not agree with, but he decided to do it anyway. I asked him to please call me before he left, which he neglected to do. Here's the kicker.

 

He claims that his new place has allowed him independence that he so desperately needed. We have a joint checking account together. He has already withdrawn all of his money from the account, but we haven't yet had the time to take his name off of the account. The morning after he left I went to the ATM to withdraw some money and noticed 200 dollars gone. I was so upset. He has done nothing but treat me as an insignifigcant part of his life. Someone he doesn't need nor really care about. He's supposedly "independent" yet he felt that he still had the right to take my money. He had a pay roll check that he claims he didn't have time to get cashed before leaving on his trip, but the principle stands. I'm ready to leave him. He refuses to apologize and didn't even get me anything for Valentines day, because he has no money. This decision to move out was financially debilitating for him. I am ok on my own, but I wonder how long he will make it.

 

I do still love him, but I don't want to play the fool. My parents are telling me what a loser he is, but who really wants to hear that from their parents?

 

Any advice? Was I wrong to get so upset about him "borrowing" the money.

[greenie35]

He has returned the money to me. I still think an apology is in order...

[HajiMaji]

Man, you arent wrong for gettin upset about anything. Its tough. You guys arent on the same page. He doesnt seem to be talking to you at all. What if he would have asked to take 200 dollars from you before his check arrived? Since you were in disagreement with him anyway you might have said no, but still the fact he didnt ask was pretty harsh.

 

I dont really know what to say. I ts a rough situation and you gotta do what you gotta do. Maybe you should leave him, maybe not. If hes not willing to put some effort into talking about your two's situation, then you have no choice. If hes compassionate he will be able to talk with you about the situation and really take what you feel to heart. If he cant do that, then his compassion is lacking and its not a good idea for any of us to be in a romantic relationship with someone who is uncompassionate.

 

I would try having a serious talk with him.. For some reason ive never seen those work, but i guess you gotta try.

[chai714]

The first thing you want to do is protect yourself. Make sure to close the joint account if you haven't already. It seems like since your boyfriend has moved out, communication and trust have dwindled, which has began to take a major toll on your relationship. If you feel you can not trust him and want to save the relationship, then you'll have to open back up the communication lines wide and let him know how his actions have affected your relationship. Do not attack him though. YOu want to play the angle that you can both benefit from keeping things in the open. When he is honest, reward him. You can practice positive reinforcement with him.

 

However, if you agree with his parents that he's a loser, you can walk away.

 

One last note: a joint checking acct. should not be opened until you're married. I see more problems than benefits when unmarried couples do this.

[greenie35]

Amen, to the not opening a joint checking account till your married. I've also learned that cohibitating is a bad idea...well at least from what I've experienced myself and with friends. How does the old adage go? Why buy the milk when you get the cow for free. I don't necessarily like that statement a whole bunch, but I can see the logic..

 

I know he is upset because he thinks I want to end it. I'm going to keep my distance and see if he comes around. We're dealing with someone who has a WHOLE LOTTA Pride. He would never grovel or come to me crying or anything like that. And I don't think I would want to see him do that anyway, I just really think I'm right. I always question my actions but I can't justify letting him think that this is ok.

 

thanks for the help...I'm hanging in there.