need help....bad

[unsc]

alright me and my girlfriend have been together for 9months now and we have always had a bit of a problem with communication. i have always been really shy and she has helped me to open up more but i still sometimes can't get a good conversation started with her. the main times we talk are whenever we are discussing a problem or talking about or relationship. sometimes it just seems like we forget to talk about things besides ourselves, lol. the strange thing is thatt on the phone, we have wonderful conversations, you know the kind that dont really have to do with anything and your just talking because you love to talk to that person. i guess my question is why do you guys think it is so easy for us to talk on the phone but it gets hard in person and if there is anyway to help with this.

 

its really starting to make me jealous the way she can talk with other guys so carefree and with me it seems so hard. in fact this weekend i got really jealous and said a couple of mean things that i wish i could take back. she forgave me but she says she feels a little bit somethered and i dont want that to happen.

anyways, any help would be appreciated

[FuriousSam]

I would think that you are too hung up on the bf/gf mentality. What I mean by that is that you think you have to act a certain way because you are a couple and then you start losing yourself because you are forcing yourself to be someone/something else. Think about how you were with her before you were dating, did you have this problem then? Another way of looking at it since you said it's been nine months, it could be a transition in the relationship where you two are too comfortable with each other and are losing attraction.

[abcjmt]

Communicating in face to face is hard because you get the instant feed back the nonverbal feed back especially. 97% of communication is nonverbal. One thing that might help is to not worry about weather she will like what you say or if it will be appropriate, just go with the flow. Also learn to read body language, I can help you see things that you didn't before

 

FuriousSam brought up a excellent point that you may be hug up on her mentally. There seems to be a definite mantle block. Try just slowly increasing your face to face communication skills. And give it time. It proboly will take time. But most of all relax and do your best, don't worry what others are or what you "Should be" or how you "should act" just be your self. That's the best person you can be

 

Good luck and enJOY

JMT

[OceanEyes]

In person, you get 'vibes'. Also, it's obviously much easier to communicate over the phone, because who wants to sit on the phone without saying anything?

 

Just out of curiosity, is she the one who has a problem with you being shy? Or is it you that feels uncomfortable with it? Are you really still shy around her, even after being with her for 9 months? If you can't have a normal, flowing conversation by now, then when?

 

Communication is part of what is going to keep your relationship strong in the long run. When there is little communication/ conversation, but both people are satisfied with that, then it's perfectly fine (and compatible). However, when one person doesn't feel like there is enough communication, they will probably start to feel put-off or rejected by you. I always have a tendency to feel like my boyfriend is 'rejecting me", or being unsupportive somehow, when he doesn't respond to the things I say. Heck, even a negative response is better than no response at all.

 

Remember: It doesn't "go without saying" that you are paying attention to someone who is talking. A good listener will let you know that they are listening and give feedback. Conversations are never one-sided, and get very old and boring quickly if it is always one person doing most of the talking.