what do I do.. :/

[Wetash]

Well, my boyfriend told me he cant be in a relationship right now... he still likes me but cant be in one right now..

Background is that we had been going on for a couple of months, a few fights inbetween... he started becoming distant in a month or so and I couldnt understand why.. One night while fighting about something I told him that he hurt me because he became so distant suddenly.. I told him I am going deep into this relationship, he said he is in the same place as he was in the first month. However he accepted that he became distant and he that he feels guilty about hurting me. He knows I am the kind of girl who will look for something long-term.. he is the type who says lets take it as it goes... I gave in to his attitude actually.. Which maybe I shoudnt have.

After this fight, he became distant again.. I had to go ask him are we in a relationship or not? He said I dont know! He said I want to,but I cant right now..

So I came off, settling to the fact that this is a break-up.

However he started texting me the very next day ,.. I didnt reply. and he kept asking if I wont reply.

I started talking again in two to three days, coming to peace with the fact that well I dont need him, maybe we can be friends.

Now when I think about it I am confused.

Did he actually want to end this relationship or not?

After that day, we havent met in a month, but we text normally as friends... However I know I am still the person he tells everything to... I dont know if this is because he isnt close to anyone else here.

what should I be doing ????

[greta96]

If you're ok with being just friends, then keep doing what you're doing. But if what you want with him is more than friends, then tell him exactly that, and add that since you two want completely different things, you would prefer to end all communication, no hard feelings.

Be very honest with yourself about what you really want, don't fall into the trap of accepting a friendship only to keep him in your life, in hopes he'll change his mind. That one never works.

I can tell you what NOT to do - do not have sex with him, no matter what happens. He's told you in your face that he doesn't see you as someone he'd want to have a relationship with, take it as the insult it is and don't ever lower yourself to a f*ck buddy status.

[MovieGuy18]

I think you have to give him space for a few days/weeks and wait for him to reach out. Not much else you can do. If you keep trying to force yourself into his life, he will keep pulling away.

[Wetash]

He is the one who texts me and tells me he isnt okay..

I reply back normally and ask whats wrong and stuff...

Does this mean there is still some hope ? Or should I take it that it is over?

[overthemoon86]

I think you have to give him space for a few days/weeks and wait for him to reach out. Not much else you can do. If you keep trying to force yourself into his life, he will keep pulling away.

 

MovieGuy, I think you need to take your own advice for your own situation....

 

Wetash, this sounds like it's all over the place. He wants contact with you, but doesn't want a "relationship." Then gets upset when you don't get back to him. And not to mention the fighting. Do you really want to be someone that is playing these kind of games?

[ParisPaulette]

He's trying to relegate you to FWB status, so he can get with other girls whenever he likes and have you there as backup locked down. Sorry, but I've done that routine. That's what it means. When he calls and texts and so forth it just means he's trying to keep you on hold while he explores what else is out there.

 

Fine if you want to be the spare tire, but I think you're better off to tell him "If we aren't in a relationship then there is no point, do not contact me. Goodbye" And you send it, you block and delete him, you move on.

 

He's basically trying to get you to accept going from a paying job so to speak to a volunteer position with no benefits. If you wouldn't do that for your job then don't accept it in a relationship either.

[MovieGuy18]

MovieGuy, I think you need to take your own advice for your own situation....

 

Wetash, this sounds like it's all over the place. He wants contact with you, but doesn't want a "relationship." Then gets upset when you don't get back to him. And not to mention the fighting. Do you really want to be someone that is playing these kind of games?

 

That's what I am doing thanks. She is reaching out to me rather than the other way around.

[overthemoon86]

MovieGuy - bread crumbs my friend....