Can't Go on Top

[Solange]

My boyfriend can't stay hard when I go on top, even though I really like the position. There are times that he can stay hard, but most of the time he goes partly soft. When he's on top there are never problems in that area.

 

Could this be an issue of him needing control in the bedroom? Could it be nerves? He's said that he sometimes worries that he will go soft, and that I'll get angry (which I never would).

 

I've already asked him if there is a certain way that he likes it, but he says it has "nothing to do with me". Should I be worried?

[Snarfnaj]

Not in my opinion. It might just be that the experience for him makes him feel less involved, less in tune or less close to you compared to other positions. When two people love eachother and come together physically we are at our most vulnerable. Insecurities and fears might come to the surface, real(previous experience) or imagined. Talking about it openly and reassuring the other person is very important in my opinion (have you told him you would never get upset over a situation like that?).

 

Since it is a very pleasurable experience for you, honesty, patience and reasurance might be the way to go about it. Again, I don't think it is anything to worry about.

[Beec]

I can understand how this happens. Some women really get off being on top and using a grinding motion. When this happens, he is probably pretty stationary inside of you. So, he's not really getting stimulated by your motions and, he also is probably less involved. What's the matter with you enjoying this and then changing places?

[Solange]

Thanks for your replies guys.

 

Beec, we have tried what you suggested several times. I know what you're saying too, about the "grinding motion", but I try not to do that since it hurts a bit anyhow.

 

It's just weird I guess, that after almost 2 years of dating that he still gets "nervous". Well, maybe that's not what it is, but it seems to be more psychological than physical.

 

We have a very honest and communicative relationship in and out of the bedroom, and he isn't shy to tell me what he likes otherwise. He promises that "it's him" and not me.

[GettingOverIt]

Have you noticed a difference if you lay on top of him versus if you sit on top of him? You might want to try laying on him for a bit, and then gradually work your way up to a sitting position.

 

I can tell you that if he is 'afraid' of going soft, then that goes a long way to making him soft... He may be afraid of under-performing for you...

 

When you get on top, have him either help you get him inside you or have him guide himself...

 

I agree with the 'grinding' too... He may be too passive if you are grinding and instead you may need to vary between grinding and moving up and down, just dont get so carried away that he comes out! That will only add to his anxiety...

 

Have fun!!

[11flower]

This may sound rediculous, but what if he just withdrawals because of some emotional memory that makes him fearful of being controlled by women?

 

Just a thought which I don't know applies or not.

 

11Flower

[marijo2480]

Why don't you have him grab your waist and move you around to what feels good to him when you're on top? You know it'll still feel good to you anyway and this way he still has some control to what pleases him as well. Just a thought!

[Beec]

I'd try to see if changing different things affects his attitude. Maybe, he would like you to take charge on some nights and be a little dominant, or you lying on top of him more, or whatever. If he is not as hard it's because sex in that way is not making him hot. By changing something maybe you'll find he finds it hot.

 

If he will engage in it for your pleasure, enjoy it. If he wanted onyl to do it the way he liked, then that's more of a concern.

[sisterlynch]

Is it possible that he is taking a medication that is causing this?

 

There are a lot of sexual side effects with certain drugs, especially illegal drugs and alcohol.

 

He may have some depression or some other problem that he is working on, that like flower said he is worried about when his is under you.

 

If he could seek medical attention about that problem, I feel that might be the best thing that he can do.

 

Does he have this problem in other positions?