Help

[WilliamFF]

Hello,

 

My life is stuck very badly.

 

Let me describe myself to give you an idea.

 

I am a 34 year old man.

 

1) The good

I have a job.I have above average looks and i keep my body in shape.

I am a good on1 salsa dancer, and a beginner West coast swing dancer.

I love social dancing and it's been my main hobby for the last 10 years.

 

2) The bad

I am both alone and lonely : I have no friends. Nobody invite me to anything. I have no one to confide in. Ok that's not entirely true, one of my short-lived ex has has turned out to be the only person i can talk to on a regular basis about myself. But that's all i have.

 

I am an introvert : i can barely talk to people about what i think or do. One because i feel that my view of the world has been negatively shaped by my loneliness, and that people will feel offended by my general negativity and cheekyness. and second because i don't do anything in particular except dancing and working.

 

I am boring, not funny, not proactive.

I have a deep-seated fear of abandonment

Any breakup reminds me that i am alone and i have no support system and that women are right to leave me because i'm a very bad marriage prospect.

I am in a dead end job

My job is boring to me and boring to the people who know about it (public servant in the ministry of finance, in charge of collecting taxes).

It gave me no skills that i could "sell" on the market as its a very specific and boring office job.

The pay is subpar and does not evolve nicely.

 

My love life has left me feeling inadequate and a failure as a man and boyfriend (2 long relationships of 3/4 years, and a dozen of short-lived mostly sexual encounters). Most of the time i have been dumped.

 

Once because i didn't want to commit because i felt i was not ready;

the second time because i was jealous about the attention my girlfriend was receiving, and innapropriately giving (the male friend syndrom...), to other men.

3) What i have tried to do in the past to get me out of it

 

3 years ago i tried to get out of my job and learn skills to work in the private sector. I followed a one year course which was a success (finished second ranked, have good marks and appreciation). However the job quickly didnt appeal to me (accountant in private companies), because i was paid (much) less, and the possibilities of evolution were slim.

 

5 years ago i tried therapy with a professionnal. I and the therapist arrived at a frightening conclusion : i am so self-absorbed and constantly reading about the human condition and brain, that i don't need a therapist to find the answers, i already have them, i am just unable to ACT on this knowledge.

 

2 years ago i tried drugs. i stopped because i didn't want to become dependant, i didn't want to have a fake personnality that wasnt mine.

 

Please, i don't know what to do anymore... i don't wan't to live the rest of my life like this but i cannot find the impetus to get out of this dead end.

 

I feel like i have tried evertything... therapy, "going out there", changing jobs, changing cities... i just don't know how to do it anymore. I feel like my life is worthless and not worth living. Help...

[minlrl]

Hi read this

 

self-awareness + emotional intelligence =

 

The answer to most of our problems if not all of them.

 

First to define self awareness: understanding yourself in the context of your surrounding, other people, situational, historical, blah blah but it's most important in my opinion to be able to gain humility, not scorn nor haughtness from seeing yourself in relation to others. Halo effect.

 

Emotional intelligence, being able to successfully read your own emotions and control them to the most benifactury manner and explain them to others in a way that convoys the correct emotional context. And in turn bring able to correctly see other people's emotions and understand it in the context of their lifes.

 

For many including myself in moments we feel at lost with who we are and have anger or even utter hatred for the world, or when things fall apart because you have been too dependent on someone or something that shaped your perception of the world, self awareness and emotional intelligence will bring you to the light and if we continually strive to retain and train our mind to see through the fog that always is trying to distract us from the truth.. we will reach a place where we can be what we were ment to be: content of being who you are.

 

True happiness.

Bliss.

Respect for your common man.

Healthy relationships.

Mental wellbeing.

Ect..

 

We all wish we could be the millionaire movie star but who do you think the bum on the street wishes they were?

[minlrl]

Be happy, be grateful, laugh, let go, dance, sing, volunteer, travel, use meetup, pursue intrests, push your comfort zone, get a pet, reconnect with people, attend seminars, read outside on a bench, say hello to strangers, give homeless people your change, walk more, teach dance classes, go to a club, explore a part of a city, talk to attractive women, ect.. how lucky we are for every moment that we are alive..